The Signing Season

At least this season ended on a positive note. And yes, I'm intentionally posting this before the outcome of the FA cup. Barcelona not only beat ManUtd to such an extent that I laughed uproariously every time I read the headlines* but also curb-stomped Chelsea fans in the round before. I laughed hysterically as Ballack did the, "not touching. not touching. not touching." routine we all did as children. Just 10 more Chelsea and you'll join Arsenal in the devastatingly bad calls club. Current members, 1.

So with the off-season approaching, TLOCA asks, is a player's salary associated with that player's value as a soccer player. Or another way of thinking about that is, can my manager buy the best squad if it were possible.

We took the top 50 highest paid players last year and ranked them based on their performance that year. We only considered those top 50 paid players so the rankings are relative. For example, Cristiano Ronaldo clearly had the best year last year but was the 10th highest paid player. Shevchenko was ahead of him at 9th...

Anyway, here are the results in order of highest salary

	Nome	Clube	Annual in $	Jim's rating	Juan's rating
1	Ricardo Kaka	AC Milan	$11,514,600	12	4
2	Ronaldinho Gaucho	FC Barcelona	$10,900,488	24	17
3	Frank Lampard	Chelsea FC	$10,439,904	8	18
4	John Terry	Chelsea FC	$10,439,904	16	12
5	Thierry Henry	FC Barcelona	$10,317,082	34	32
6	Fernando Torres	Liverpool FC	$10,132,848	2	2
7	Michael Ballack	Chelsea FC	$9,979,320	17	19
8	Andriy Shevchenko	Chelsea FC	$9,979,320	49	50
9	Steven Gerrard	Liverpool FC	$9,825,792	7	9
10	Cristiano Ronaldo	Manchester Utd	$9,825,792	1	1
11	Didier Drogba	Chelsea FC	$9,441,972	30	13
12	Wayne Rooney	Manchester Utd	$9,365,208	18	29
13	Iker Casillas	CF Real Madrid	$9,211,680	4	14
14	Michael Owen	Newcastle Utd	$8,597,568	35	47
15	Sol Campbell	Portsmouth	$8,444,040	42	33
16	Ruud Van Nistelrooy	CF Real Madrid	$8,213,748	21	28
17	Raul Gonzalez	CF Real Madrid	$8,213,748	31	31
18	Rio Ferdinand	Manchester Utd	$7,753,164	11	11
19	Darren Bent	Tottenham Hotspur	$7,599,636	46	34
20	Fabio Cannavaro	CF Real Madrid	$7,522,872	36	42
21	Carlos Tevez	Manchester Utd	$7,522,872	27	22
22	Luca Toni	Bayern Munique	$7,062,288	10	6
23	Francesco Totti	AS Roma	$6,985,524	13	15
24	Arjen Robben	CF Real Madrid	$6,831,996	14	20
25	Ryan Giggs	Manchester Utd	$6,678,468	28	23
26	Jamie Carragher	Liverpool FC	$6,524,940	25	24
27	John Arne Riise	Liverpool FC	$6,524,940	47	48
28	Michael Essien	Chelsea FC	$6,448,176	19	44
29	Gianluigi Buffon	Juventus FC	$6,397,000	20	10
30	Andres Iniesta	FC Barcelona	$6,397,000	15	25
31	Patrick Vieira	Internazionale	$6,397,000	45	37
32	Sergio Aguero	Atletico Madrid	$6,397,000	9	16
33	Samuel Eto´o	FC Barcelona	$6,397,000	33	30
34	Charles Puyol	FC Barcelona	$6,397,000	38	35
35	Adriano Lima	Internazionale	$6,397,000	48	46
36	Zlatan Ibrahimovic	Internazionale	$6,397,000	6	7
37	Willy Sagnol	Bayern Munique	$6,397,000	44	43
38	Oliver Kahn	Bayern Munique	$6,325,354	43	45
39	Edwin Vandersar	Manchester Utd	$6,217,884	32	26
40	Fernando Morientes	Valência	$6,217,884	41	38
41	Lúcio	Bayern Munique	$6,141,120	39	35
42	Alessandro Del Piero	Juventus FC	$6,141,120	5	3
43	Franck Ribery	Bayern Munique	$6,141,120	3	5
44	Djibril Cisse	O.Marselha	$6,141,120	40	39
45	Harry Kewell	Liverpool FC	$6,141,120	50	49
46	Joe Cole	Chelsea FC	$5,987,592	23	21
47	Pedro Pauleta	Paris SG	$5,895,475	27	41
48	Juninho Pernanbucano	O.Lyon	$5,834,064	26	40
49	David Trezeguet	Juventus FC	$5,757,300	22	8
50	David Beckham	LA Galaxy	$5,757,300	29	27

(Remember, these rankings are based on last year, that's why Del Piero is 3rd and 5th in my and Jim's rankings respectively. Also, I thought Essien was hurt last year but apparently he wasn't.)

Summary

Jim and I agreed perfectly on:
Cristiano - 1 overall
Torres - 2nd
Rio Ferdinand - 11th
Raul - 31st

These players "pay" rankings are 10th, 6th, 18th, and 17th respectively making, no shockers here, Cristi and Rio Ferdinand the most undervalued players (that we agreed upon) and Raul the most overvalued player.

Jim and I agreed near perfectly (less than 2 rankings difference) on quite a few players:
Titi Henry, Ballack, Shevsucko, Gerrard, Totti, Carragher, Riise, Adriano, Zlatan, Willy Sagnol, Olver Kahn, Del Piero, Ribery, Cisse, Harry Kewell, Joe Cole and David Beckham

Here are the top 5 most "appropriately" paid players in our opinion:
Ryan Giggs, Fernando Morientes, Steven Gerrard, Jamie Carragher and Samuel Eto'o

Top 5 most overpaid:
Shevchenko, Henry, Michael Owen, Sol Campbell, John Arne Risse

Top 5 most underpaid:
Franck Ribery, Del Piero, Ibrahimovic, Joe Cole, David Beckham

With regards to David Beckham I'll leave you with a line from Jay-Z. "Who the f%ck is overrated? If anything they underpaid him."



*Barcelona dismantles Manchester United
United beaten soundly
10,000 Red Devil fans injured in failed mass suicide

An ode to Suleiman Omondi

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/feedarticle/8492582

The net ruffles. Oh no? Did Almunia deflect that wide? It hit the side of the net right? The camera cuts to Cristiano juking teammates and smiling arrogantly. You know the smile - this is what I do, I'm That Boy Ronaldo. My face goes numb.

Here comes the replay. Maybe he'll save it this time. Nope, he doesn't. My first instinct is that it looks save-able and I feel worse for betraying Almunia. If it was save-able he would have saved it - the man carries us.

Down 2... 3 on aggregate... we need four now. Oh my gosh, its over. I never thought about what would happen if they scored 2! I consider everything in these situations, how am I unprepared at the worst of times to realize now its over? This moment, doing the math and realizing its over is miserable. It's also precisely why I consider all situations, so that I never feel these moments.

It's the twelth minute. This game never even started! That insufferable drunk Tommy Smythe says something about pride. Arsenal is now playing for pride - something like that. This makes me wonder if pride even exists in situations like this. I'd much rather just call it like its a golden goal and shake hands now in the 13th minute. No I decide, there is nothing to play for in situations like this. Pride is a false emotion.

The league is decided. FA went bust. We sort of overachieved in the Champions League. That's misleading - we definitely overachieved in the Champions League. Let's remember where this season started. We lost Flamini and Hleb, Fabs busted his knee, Clichy was out, we kept Adebayor. We certainly overachieved. The most positive aspect about this whole season is that we signed My Light, Arshavin. Next year is going to be the year. There's always next year Suleiman.

Legendary

Chelsea - Juventus Game Analysis

Nil Nil to the Arsenal

"One-nil to the Arsenal" was a refrain that once rang so sweetly throughout Highbury. And whether serious (late 80's, early 90's), or joyously sarcastic (Wenger Era, pre-2008), it was always a delight to be heard. Of course, the songs going around the Emirates these days (e.g. "Booo!" "Get Eboue off the field!" and "Denilson, you f***ing c***, if you give the ball away one more time I swear" among some of the choice favorites) aren't so delightful. In fact, one might even say that the mood is downright surly in North London.

Arsenal supporters all wanted clean sheets. We were tired of conceding goals at the least opportune moment (I mean, there's never a "good" time to concede, but somehow we were doing it at the worst possible times: not early in the game, waiting until the last minute to lose or draw and dropping points, etc.) And we were sick of set pieces inevitably ending up with the ball in Almunia's net as he shook his peroxide mane in frustration. Thankfully, this problem has been solved (kind of). Gallas is quietly regaining his form, and is no longer positioning himself in the best possible place to get skinned by an attacker. Toure looks like he's finally shaken off the blues from the African Cup/malaria of last year and no longer permanently wears that expression of panic on his face. Djourou is coming along. And the wingbacks are still excellent. Alright, Arsene, maybe you were right and ze qualitee was there all along. But now...

Why can't Arsenal score? I suppose this is kind of an easy answer, and now I feel like a chump for writing this all out (I must say, it is somewhat cathartic, though), but I think there's really just three basic things that need to be addressed:

1) Nobody shoots. Juan hates this. So do I. Speaks for itself. But it doesn't matter, because even when we do shoot...

2) Nobody can finish (screamed while staring with a burning expression of loathing directly at Nicklas Bendtner). Again, this really just speaks for itself. Only RVP is moderately capable of doing this, and even he contrives to miss just for the hell of it now and then. Eduardo's one game reappearance showed that we really shouldn't be putting up with this. He was crocked for an entire year, and then within 20 minutes he's on the scoresheet. Guys, it really can't be that difficult. To reiterate the oldest of football cliches: WE MUST TAKE OUR CHANCES. God knows they're not coming as frequently these days, anyway. And that's because...

3) The service from central midfield sucks. Alas, here we come across a problem that can't really be solved. The other two can at least be improved through practice and a shift in strategy. But the fact remains that Denilson, Diaby, and Song are splitting most of the time here. Yes, they're young. Yes, they (and by they, I actually just mean Diaby) have occasional moments of brilliance. But for the most part, they are fundamentally unable to pick out that killer through-ball or long distance pass. Sometimes I feel like I'm watching three Claude Makalele's run around the field. Keeping possession? Check. Short (usually accurate) passes to teammates? Check. Actually advancing the ball or posing any sort of threat? NOPE. (Again, this is a generalization because Diaby prefers to actually just hold the ball for two seconds too long before surrendering it.) Anyway, Cesc can do this in his sleep. Even Flamini was pretty decent. And what I wouldn't give for Lampard, Alonso, or even (gasp) Michael Carrick at this point. Kill me now.

4) Eboue. Wait, I didn't say there were four things? Whatever. This is the fourth. And it's intolerable.

Well, that wasn't really all that insightful, but at least it was therapeutic. And now I can move on and talk about Liverpool (the new Arsenal), United (the Devil), and the amazing Barca-Atletico game. Tomorrow, maybe.

So Hot Right Now Close Up

Game Notes

I have some catching up to do.

Chelsea 1, Aston Villa 0
This is the beginning of Villa's brutal schedule. To their credit they do have quite the Nelly feat. Kelly Rowland. They need to balance the Uefa Cup this year and try to maintain a top 4 table position for the Champions League next year. If you're thinking they can do both then you're kidding yourself so throw that out the window. And while it may seem like a no-brainer to go for the Champions League qualifying spot, ask Arsenal and Chelsea what its like to go for the glory and get nothing in return. Moreover, it feels odd for a team such as Aston Villa to blow off the Uefa Cup when they've showed such patience to get here in the first place. The unfortunate fact for them is that it appears they're trying to do both and again, only those bastards at Manchester United have that kind of depth.

Aside - I just read a poorly written story on soccernet (shocking, I know) about Rooney calling for the quadruple. It made me nauseated for two reasons. The first is that I throw around "quadruple" when I'm drunk at parties and trying to instigate belligerance. The second is that United are one game (Carling), one formality (the League now that Liverpool lost again), one repeat (The Chammmmmpions) and a lucky draw (the FA cup) from actually succeeding. That sentence was very wordy but I'm trying to say that they're very, very close to making this happen. I'm talking about the quadruple here folks and I'm not drunk nor trying to instigate a fight. Sick to my stomach indeed.

Anyway, I turned on this game (Aston Villa-Chelsea if I've lost you with my ramblings) in the 60th minute and hear from the announcers that a, "superb finish" from Anelka has Chelsea on top. Ugh. I go to 101greatgoals.com just to see it and I guess it was alright. This is of course after Jim just credited Anelka and I conceded mentally to his current EPL prowess. Double sigh. 1-nil against Aston, great! Yikes, did I really think that? I did. I even talked about how bad it feels to root against Villa later that day with Jim. Whatever, when they had chances I still instinctually wanted them to level.

Chelsea holds on and I promise that an Arsenal win will justify my elitism. Segway.


Arsenal 0, Sunderland 0
The debut of my obsession, my hope, my light, Andrei Arshavin. 10 minutes in Arshavin cuts in from the corner of the box and rips a venemous shot. It was saved without too much glamour but I get goosebumps when I see the replay and imagine what could have been. Wait a second? Did Arshavin just shoot the ball? I'm sure that will be corrected by Wenger soon enough. No shooting allowed on this squad, more on this later. I continue to gush over every pass and to my credit, he does pass a really nice ball. Always well weighted. Wenger takes him out at the 61st minute - I knew Arsene wouldn't give me 90 but I'm just being emotional now - and I finally blink. On my way back down to earth I realize that hey, it's nil-nil and we kinda, wait, really need these three points. No need to fear, Nicklas Bendtner is in. That is to say, clearly this game ends 0-0. I sign on to TLOCA and see that we have a comment! I poop my pants a little when I see that someone has commented on the blog. It's Jake, he's rubbing in Arsenal's "typical" performance. The timestamp is 30 seconds after Arsenal finished nil-nil... bastard.


Manchester United 2, Blackburn 1
For not so subtle reasons whenever Arsenal fails to produce I find myself watching United. I make lunch when Rooney gets his gift, of course, United gets all the breaks. But wait, Roque Santa Cruz breaks through and ends United's stupid clean sheet streak. Finally! I was getting really tired of reading about it. Plus VanDerSar annoys me.

Cristiano stands over a free kick and I think to myself, hmm, its been awhile since he's scored a spot kick. He does just that and I text Jim angrily. It's just the goal they need and right at the time when you need it - before the 65th minute in the 2nd half of a tie game. I fully expect this game to finish 4-1 now but no, just 2-1.

Juventus 2, Palermo 0
If you're keeping count at home this has been an ideal Saturday. Arsenal at 10, United at 12:30, Juve at 2:30 with a Chelsea-Villa appetizer.

Momo Sissoko smashes home an outrageous give-and-go and this gets my blood moving. Italian soccer is easier to watch. It just is. Think Lost vs. Arrested Development. Both enjoyable shows but one a comedy and the other a drama. I can't believe I failed to mention this is Trezeguet's first start since his knee injury. An ideal Saturday indeed because Treze scores from an Amauri cross, seals the deal and I catch him joyously screaming at some fans. I like David.

Maryland 82, North Carolina 80
Bitch holler. Bring back miss Shiavo for one more go. 4-8 against RPI-top50. 2 wins against top 5 opponents. If they beat NC State and Virginia and don't get blown out at Wake, one win in the conference tourney and I have them in. And a streaky 10 seed they will be.

Liverpool 1, Manchester Citeh 1
Citeh is a dangerous team in a schizophrenic sort of way. I went to a conference on societal stigma towards mental health issues the other week and I'm sorry that I just associated schizophrenia to danger but come on.

I check the headline on soccernet for some sensationalized analysis and they don't let me down, "Liverpool title hopes crushed." Have I mentioned that I hate soccernet? Anyways, yeah, Liverpool probably can't afford to leave points on the pitch anymore. Is anyone really surprised? I know Ben isn't here to defend Liverpool but seriously, nobody actually thought they would hold off United did they? The Premiership was decided once United beat Chelsea 3-zip in January. Over, done, lets not talk about it anymore.

The Champions League is next. I go pee a little bit whenever I think about Tuesday/Wedensday. Just a little bit. Like a drop of pee squeezes out. Yay!