USA vs Italy - Confederations Cup

It's official, ESPN has begun advertising for the World Cup 2010. The ad shows Lahm's first goal (a neat far-post upper 90) and then Grosso's no-no-no-I-can't-believe head shake and then I don't remember anything after that because I get goosebumps and have to close my eyes. This is the voice in my head when I see it. That clip makes me want to guffaw, cry and throw-up all at the same time and I don't even care about Italy.

There's always time for nostalgia but I have more important things to get to, namely, Giuseppe Rossi effectively ending his citizenship in the United States. Traitor.

Italy vs. USA
Landon Donovan has 10 goals in 24 international appearances. That's not too shabby when you consider that many knowing soccer fans contend that Donovan is the USA's best player. If you would agree with such an assessment then I have a very, very worrying caveat to that statistic. 8 of those goals are from penalty kicks. 1 is from a free-kick and the other is from "free play." Yikes. I like that he is efficient from the spot but my goodness, 1 goal in 24 appearances from flowing soccer? That's reveals something. More on this later.

To the game:
The US looks really frisky! Italy seems a little slow out of the gates and we could make this happen. I watch Michael Bradley scuff the ball and blow a free shot on Buffon just outside the six and I think, hmmm, that reveals something. Then a few minutes later, Jozy Altidore (America's soccer equivalent of Barack Obama) also mishits a shot bearing down on Buffon. Hmmm.
What's that Ricardo Clark, you're an idiot? Yes you are. It may be a bad call but he sees red and we're down to 10 men. Ricardo has no explanation for kicking Gattuso in the upper-knee 3 seconds after the ball had vacated the area so does it really matter it was a harsh card? The answer is, "Ricardo Clarke is an idiot." Landon converts a PK - of course - but if you didn't know, the sun is setting on this game. Sorry Alexei Lalas but it's true.

By the way, allow me to take this space to illustrate Alexei Lalas' career for the red white and blue. Lalas led the United States in 1994 to a 3rd place group finish and a -1 goal differential overall losing in the first round of the knock-out stages. In 1998 Lalas led the United States to a -4 goal differential and last place finish in the group stages. But he did have a weird hair-do!

If I had to liken him to one other US player I'd go with Brandi Chastain. So yeah, Alexei Lalas.

Halftime. Back to the studio where we're joined by Alexei Lalas! What a coincidence. Anyway, Alex, sporting a subdued haircut, rants about the horrible call on Ricardo Clarke. He then, let the record show, claims that Jozy embellished the PK but, "hey, that's what you have to do." Very interesting. I personally don't think that Jozy embellished the foul and even if he did I do agree, that's what you have to do. So at least Lalas and I agree on that.

The 2nd half starts and wouldn't you know it, that son of a bitch Jersey trash traitor subs on. I speak of course of Giuseppe Rossi. Then a few moments later, on his first touch, he steals the ball, takes a few strides and absolutely launches past Tim Howard. 1-1. Just like that.

Does anyone else think that Tim Howard is becoming overrated a shocking pace? I digress.

Italy is the one that looks frisky now and our only hope, Jozy, gets subbed off in the 66th minute. Chances of the US holding on for 1 point fall like BearStearn's stock. 5 minutes later Daniele De Rossi, no relation to Giuseppe, rolls a shot past Tim Howard for number 2. It bounces perhaps tre times, passes by tre players (who all have enough time to react to it) and does not hit the side netting from 35 out. Announcers blame Iguchi for screening Timothy. That's interesting - usually a shot from 35 out is well seen. I'm no goal-keeper though, just someone who can count how many times a ball bounces before it rolls into the back of the net.

1 minute later (72nd) we officially throw in the towel. Do you know how I know - Demarcus Beasley subs onto the pitch. I stay tuned because hey, there are always set pieces for the US to score on. Luca Toni misses three easy chances - apparently he hasn't quite shaken that National Team slump he's in. This immediately changes my mindset from, hey let's steal one back, to, hey lets just not get embarrassed. Nope. Giuseppe smashes home a volley after Pirlo walks, read that correctly, walks by Jay Demerit. 3-1.

I hope Cash Cab is on. This reminds me I need to call my friend Jon and ask him if he ever rode in the Cash Cab when he lived in New York. Jon was always trying to hail that cash cab.

Hey Real Madrid... uh, well nevermind

So if you look at the top of this page you'll see a horribly outdated banner. It appears that both Kaka and Cristiano are headed to the Bernabeu to join, ahem, Iker Casillas, Gabriele Heinze, Sergio Ramos, Wesley Sneijder and Arjen Robben. And I omitted about 6 or 7 names that would start on Arsenal.

So if you're counting at home that leaves Real with, drumroll please, the world's best goalkeeper, world quality fullbacks, two of the world's best midfielders/strikers to go along with 14 other national team starters. Yes, that's correct, fourteen players that start for their respective national teams.

"You can't just buy all-stars and expect success," they'll say. "They still might not win," or "they'll be good in three years," people will exclaim. They are all wrong. Real Madrid will win La Liga, the Champions League, and just for fun El Copa Del Rey and barring injury, they won't have broken a sweat. Even with injuries they're still 1 to 4 favorites.

Players of this magnitude have never joined forces like this and failed (and I can say that now that Barca won the treble). The 2002 Real Madrid squad that doubled up consisted of Roberto Carlos, Makelele, Zidane, Figo and Raul (all in their prime or at the least tailing off their primes). That core looks suspiciously similar to their current one.

But how in the world can Real afford all this? Has the whole country gone mad - Spain has 17% unemployment and they're staring at 60% debt with regards to their GDP?

The easy answer is I have no idea, and absolutely, the whole soccer world has gone mad. However, when you look at their books you can find some money to dent the 140 million pounds just spent on Kakoldo. I'm gonna stick with pounds here because its easier this way as everyone reports in pounds. Van Nistelrooy and Raul are retiring, if not this year then next year, both being paid around 20 million pounds each. Real can still sell Robben (another ~15-20mil), and not extend Saviola (also ~15-20 mil). That's around 80 mil coming off the books by 2010. Let's assume they sell 21-year-old Higuain, who yes, scored 1 goal less than Messi in La Liga last year, for another 15-20mil. That would mean Real spent 40-60mil for Cristiano and Kaka to replace Raul, Van Nistelrooy, Higuain, and Robben. With what they have left I would make that move.

And apparently they're also going to get Villa. This is just silly. I have no idea. Yes, the soccer world has gone mad.

The Signing Season

At least this season ended on a positive note. And yes, I'm intentionally posting this before the outcome of the FA cup. Barcelona not only beat ManUtd to such an extent that I laughed uproariously every time I read the headlines* but also curb-stomped Chelsea fans in the round before. I laughed hysterically as Ballack did the, "not touching. not touching. not touching." routine we all did as children. Just 10 more Chelsea and you'll join Arsenal in the devastatingly bad calls club. Current members, 1.

So with the off-season approaching, TLOCA asks, is a player's salary associated with that player's value as a soccer player. Or another way of thinking about that is, can my manager buy the best squad if it were possible.

We took the top 50 highest paid players last year and ranked them based on their performance that year. We only considered those top 50 paid players so the rankings are relative. For example, Cristiano Ronaldo clearly had the best year last year but was the 10th highest paid player. Shevchenko was ahead of him at 9th...

Anyway, here are the results in order of highest salary

	Nome	Clube	Annual in $	Jim's rating	Juan's rating
1	Ricardo Kaka	AC Milan	$11,514,600	12	4
2	Ronaldinho Gaucho	FC Barcelona	$10,900,488	24	17
3	Frank Lampard	Chelsea FC	$10,439,904	8	18
4	John Terry	Chelsea FC	$10,439,904	16	12
5	Thierry Henry	FC Barcelona	$10,317,082	34	32
6	Fernando Torres	Liverpool FC	$10,132,848	2	2
7	Michael Ballack	Chelsea FC	$9,979,320	17	19
8	Andriy Shevchenko	Chelsea FC	$9,979,320	49	50
9	Steven Gerrard	Liverpool FC	$9,825,792	7	9
10	Cristiano Ronaldo	Manchester Utd	$9,825,792	1	1
11	Didier Drogba	Chelsea FC	$9,441,972	30	13
12	Wayne Rooney	Manchester Utd	$9,365,208	18	29
13	Iker Casillas	CF Real Madrid	$9,211,680	4	14
14	Michael Owen	Newcastle Utd	$8,597,568	35	47
15	Sol Campbell	Portsmouth	$8,444,040	42	33
16	Ruud Van Nistelrooy	CF Real Madrid	$8,213,748	21	28
17	Raul Gonzalez	CF Real Madrid	$8,213,748	31	31
18	Rio Ferdinand	Manchester Utd	$7,753,164	11	11
19	Darren Bent	Tottenham Hotspur	$7,599,636	46	34
20	Fabio Cannavaro	CF Real Madrid	$7,522,872	36	42
21	Carlos Tevez	Manchester Utd	$7,522,872	27	22
22	Luca Toni	Bayern Munique	$7,062,288	10	6
23	Francesco Totti	AS Roma	$6,985,524	13	15
24	Arjen Robben	CF Real Madrid	$6,831,996	14	20
25	Ryan Giggs	Manchester Utd	$6,678,468	28	23
26	Jamie Carragher	Liverpool FC	$6,524,940	25	24
27	John Arne Riise	Liverpool FC	$6,524,940	47	48
28	Michael Essien	Chelsea FC	$6,448,176	19	44
29	Gianluigi Buffon	Juventus FC	$6,397,000	20	10
30	Andres Iniesta	FC Barcelona	$6,397,000	15	25
31	Patrick Vieira	Internazionale	$6,397,000	45	37
32	Sergio Aguero	Atletico Madrid	$6,397,000	9	16
33	Samuel Eto´o	FC Barcelona	$6,397,000	33	30
34	Charles Puyol	FC Barcelona	$6,397,000	38	35
35	Adriano Lima	Internazionale	$6,397,000	48	46
36	Zlatan Ibrahimovic	Internazionale	$6,397,000	6	7
37	Willy Sagnol	Bayern Munique	$6,397,000	44	43
38	Oliver Kahn	Bayern Munique	$6,325,354	43	45
39	Edwin Vandersar	Manchester Utd	$6,217,884	32	26
40	Fernando Morientes	Valência	$6,217,884	41	38
41	Lúcio	Bayern Munique	$6,141,120	39	35
42	Alessandro Del Piero	Juventus FC	$6,141,120	5	3
43	Franck Ribery	Bayern Munique	$6,141,120	3	5
44	Djibril Cisse	O.Marselha	$6,141,120	40	39
45	Harry Kewell	Liverpool FC	$6,141,120	50	49
46	Joe Cole	Chelsea FC	$5,987,592	23	21
47	Pedro Pauleta	Paris SG	$5,895,475	27	41
48	Juninho Pernanbucano	O.Lyon	$5,834,064	26	40
49	David Trezeguet	Juventus FC	$5,757,300	22	8
50	David Beckham	LA Galaxy	$5,757,300	29	27

(Remember, these rankings are based on last year, that's why Del Piero is 3rd and 5th in my and Jim's rankings respectively. Also, I thought Essien was hurt last year but apparently he wasn't.)

Summary

Jim and I agreed perfectly on:
Cristiano - 1 overall
Torres - 2nd
Rio Ferdinand - 11th
Raul - 31st

These players "pay" rankings are 10th, 6th, 18th, and 17th respectively making, no shockers here, Cristi and Rio Ferdinand the most undervalued players (that we agreed upon) and Raul the most overvalued player.

Jim and I agreed near perfectly (less than 2 rankings difference) on quite a few players:
Titi Henry, Ballack, Shevsucko, Gerrard, Totti, Carragher, Riise, Adriano, Zlatan, Willy Sagnol, Olver Kahn, Del Piero, Ribery, Cisse, Harry Kewell, Joe Cole and David Beckham

Here are the top 5 most "appropriately" paid players in our opinion:
Ryan Giggs, Fernando Morientes, Steven Gerrard, Jamie Carragher and Samuel Eto'o

Top 5 most overpaid:
Shevchenko, Henry, Michael Owen, Sol Campbell, John Arne Risse

Top 5 most underpaid:
Franck Ribery, Del Piero, Ibrahimovic, Joe Cole, David Beckham

With regards to David Beckham I'll leave you with a line from Jay-Z. "Who the f%ck is overrated? If anything they underpaid him."



*Barcelona dismantles Manchester United
United beaten soundly
10,000 Red Devil fans injured in failed mass suicide

An ode to Suleiman Omondi

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/feedarticle/8492582

The net ruffles. Oh no? Did Almunia deflect that wide? It hit the side of the net right? The camera cuts to Cristiano juking teammates and smiling arrogantly. You know the smile - this is what I do, I'm That Boy Ronaldo. My face goes numb.

Here comes the replay. Maybe he'll save it this time. Nope, he doesn't. My first instinct is that it looks save-able and I feel worse for betraying Almunia. If it was save-able he would have saved it - the man carries us.

Down 2... 3 on aggregate... we need four now. Oh my gosh, its over. I never thought about what would happen if they scored 2! I consider everything in these situations, how am I unprepared at the worst of times to realize now its over? This moment, doing the math and realizing its over is miserable. It's also precisely why I consider all situations, so that I never feel these moments.

It's the twelth minute. This game never even started! That insufferable drunk Tommy Smythe says something about pride. Arsenal is now playing for pride - something like that. This makes me wonder if pride even exists in situations like this. I'd much rather just call it like its a golden goal and shake hands now in the 13th minute. No I decide, there is nothing to play for in situations like this. Pride is a false emotion.

The league is decided. FA went bust. We sort of overachieved in the Champions League. That's misleading - we definitely overachieved in the Champions League. Let's remember where this season started. We lost Flamini and Hleb, Fabs busted his knee, Clichy was out, we kept Adebayor. We certainly overachieved. The most positive aspect about this whole season is that we signed My Light, Arshavin. Next year is going to be the year. There's always next year Suleiman.

Legendary

Chelsea - Juventus Game Analysis

Nil Nil to the Arsenal

"One-nil to the Arsenal" was a refrain that once rang so sweetly throughout Highbury. And whether serious (late 80's, early 90's), or joyously sarcastic (Wenger Era, pre-2008), it was always a delight to be heard. Of course, the songs going around the Emirates these days (e.g. "Booo!" "Get Eboue off the field!" and "Denilson, you f***ing c***, if you give the ball away one more time I swear" among some of the choice favorites) aren't so delightful. In fact, one might even say that the mood is downright surly in North London.

Arsenal supporters all wanted clean sheets. We were tired of conceding goals at the least opportune moment (I mean, there's never a "good" time to concede, but somehow we were doing it at the worst possible times: not early in the game, waiting until the last minute to lose or draw and dropping points, etc.) And we were sick of set pieces inevitably ending up with the ball in Almunia's net as he shook his peroxide mane in frustration. Thankfully, this problem has been solved (kind of). Gallas is quietly regaining his form, and is no longer positioning himself in the best possible place to get skinned by an attacker. Toure looks like he's finally shaken off the blues from the African Cup/malaria of last year and no longer permanently wears that expression of panic on his face. Djourou is coming along. And the wingbacks are still excellent. Alright, Arsene, maybe you were right and ze qualitee was there all along. But now...

Why can't Arsenal score? I suppose this is kind of an easy answer, and now I feel like a chump for writing this all out (I must say, it is somewhat cathartic, though), but I think there's really just three basic things that need to be addressed:

1) Nobody shoots. Juan hates this. So do I. Speaks for itself. But it doesn't matter, because even when we do shoot...

2) Nobody can finish (screamed while staring with a burning expression of loathing directly at Nicklas Bendtner). Again, this really just speaks for itself. Only RVP is moderately capable of doing this, and even he contrives to miss just for the hell of it now and then. Eduardo's one game reappearance showed that we really shouldn't be putting up with this. He was crocked for an entire year, and then within 20 minutes he's on the scoresheet. Guys, it really can't be that difficult. To reiterate the oldest of football cliches: WE MUST TAKE OUR CHANCES. God knows they're not coming as frequently these days, anyway. And that's because...

3) The service from central midfield sucks. Alas, here we come across a problem that can't really be solved. The other two can at least be improved through practice and a shift in strategy. But the fact remains that Denilson, Diaby, and Song are splitting most of the time here. Yes, they're young. Yes, they (and by they, I actually just mean Diaby) have occasional moments of brilliance. But for the most part, they are fundamentally unable to pick out that killer through-ball or long distance pass. Sometimes I feel like I'm watching three Claude Makalele's run around the field. Keeping possession? Check. Short (usually accurate) passes to teammates? Check. Actually advancing the ball or posing any sort of threat? NOPE. (Again, this is a generalization because Diaby prefers to actually just hold the ball for two seconds too long before surrendering it.) Anyway, Cesc can do this in his sleep. Even Flamini was pretty decent. And what I wouldn't give for Lampard, Alonso, or even (gasp) Michael Carrick at this point. Kill me now.

4) Eboue. Wait, I didn't say there were four things? Whatever. This is the fourth. And it's intolerable.

Well, that wasn't really all that insightful, but at least it was therapeutic. And now I can move on and talk about Liverpool (the new Arsenal), United (the Devil), and the amazing Barca-Atletico game. Tomorrow, maybe.