Bartender, pour me some soccer.
England vs Switzerland (3pm et. on FSC)
Italian skipper Capello has his first cupcake, Switzerland. If he doesn't convince the putrid fans with an overwhelming victory they'll somehow complain more. Just now, at this very moment, I realized that the English side simply is not that great. Every team has "talent" and the English style of soccer - which is long crosses, no dribbling, defense first - does not exactly allow this talent to flourish.
But Juan, you hate England? I'm not reading your bias anymore...
wait, wait, seriously, think about their squad. Besides Terry - who would literally rather get kicked in the face before he lets up a scoring chance - they are stocked full of good-at-everything, great-at-nothing players.
Gerrard, Cole, Hargreaves, Rio Ferdinand, other Cole, Rooney, Crouch, Owen... booooooooo! (deep breath) BOOOOOOOO! I'm boo'ing my computer right now. Their only (arguably), "electric" players are Gareth Barry and Shaun Wright-Phillips - they don't play that much. And the other one, I think his name is David, isn't on the squad. Sexy stars with first name's David are getting housed this time around... weird.
Italy vs Portugal (2:40 et. on GolTV)
I was just on the subject of electric... I wonder if either of these two teams feature electric players. Probably not, I'll just move on.
Well the 4th place finishers and the World-hoisters face off today in what is likely to be well played, compliment filled match that more resembles a nice red-carpet gala than a fierce competition. Each side will certainly try to out-dress the other in their suits and shades. In Italy and Portugal, life is good, and if you want to see moments of brilliant soccer and devastatingly handsome players, tune in. Something you'll get in this game that you won't in the England game - is one player putting a move of deceptive nature on another player, and dribbling the ball around that subsequent player (Cut to overdressed old woman with diamond crusted binoculars.) (In an English accent) Harumph!! Well I Nnnnevah!... Don't disappoint the queen Bentley and pass that ball.
France vs Spain (3pm et. somewhere online)
The overachievers versus the underachievers. This match is definition, whatever happens here is of no help to determining what will happen later. Just enjoy the soccer. Hopefully Titi Henry picks up his game a touch for his nation because he's showing signs of fading on Barca. As for the Spaniards, wow do they have a squad. But just like geopolitics of the region, they fall short against the more powerful Euro nations. I would argue that Cesc and Torres are the most volatile young duo on the planet right now. If they both shift into anything over 3rd gear, change lanes and get the hell out of the way.
I'm gonna pat myself on the back with the picture I found of the Spanish. Three extremely talented and great footballers filled with despair at what has to be another effort in vain. Tired and longing, the Spanish continue to win Pam's trophy of Longest Engagement without ever marrying.
Brasil vs Ireland (8pm et. on FSC)
Whenever you get a chance to watch Brasilian soccer you should take it. Even more so with Dunga at the helm because he has publicly announced he seeks to utilize young talent. And by young, Dunga means 16 years old.
Uruguay vs Colombia (6:30pm et. on GolTV)
Turns out I'm still really bitter. Once I see Carini we'll see what happens. You know I still don't know why Recoba isn't playing?
USA vs Mexico
Easily the most meaningful game of the set. Both of these teams always want to beat the other. The US deserves its own section so I won't give you my two cents just yet. Mexico in my opinion will always be coming off the Maxi goal until 2010. See Mexico's version of 9/11. I can honestly say that no Mexican deserved that.
All these games are tomorrow. Enjoy a great Wednesday.
Arsene Wenger cobbled together starting lineups with spit and duct tape and Denilson and somehow the team dragged its ass over the finish line in third or fourth.