Something Great

Arsene Wenger cobbled together starting lineups with spit and duct tape and Denilson and somehow the team dragged its ass over the finish line in third or fourth.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

"It was never about the fans" - Arsene Wenger

Welcome to the Premier league West Brom. Everyone talks on Samsung, drinks Carlsberg, flies Emirates, and invests with AIG. It's really tough up here Brom. The Big Four win every game, get every call, and tag all the women first. Don't forget to say thank you if you get sloppy fifths. Most of all, don't forget that teams run up the score. Well, every team except for Arsenal.

One-nil to Arsenal left fans at soccer bars biting their fingernails and closing their tabs in the 80th minute. At the game, some fans were spotted heckling head coach Arsene Wenger as he left the pitch. Rumors are flying that coach Wenger scoffed and muttered something offensive under his breath.

A reporter brought up the alleged incident during the post game interview and Arsene was quoted as saying, "It was never about the fans. You'll never walk alone...or, that (gestures wildly) boy Ronaldo, that's all rubbish. I'm in the business of winning games, not having a good time," said Wenger. "If you want to go throw back a few pints at your local pub and sing and dance like an idiot then Arsenal is not for you. If , however, you like winning and thinking about life, future scheduling conflicts, or any other frustrating experiences in the every day grind, then I'm your man." Wenger concluded the interview with what he deemed a clever riddle.

"What does a triangle, a tripod, and Arsenal all have in common? (Immediately) They all have three points. Good-day gentlemen."

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

And We're Back...

Forgive us for not spending more time monitoring what some of my fellow football fans have dubbed "the silly season," but the sheer number (and lunacy) of transfer rumors made the job rather unappealing. But not to worry, because things count again, and TLoCA is back to record its opinions, musings, and analysis for everlasting internet posterity.

Today, thanks to ESPN2 and ESPN2 HD, one can watch Arsenal take on Steve McUmbrella's FC Twente side while monitoring Liverpool in their CL qualifier against Standard Liege. The latter ought to be a real cakewalk, especially now that 'Pool have one of the most dangerous strike partnerships in the world. Robbie Keane may not be the flashiest or most skilled forward, but as he demonstrated with Berbatov, he has a wonderful instinct for position and a good knack for knowing where the main man is at all times. Without disparaging Dirk Kuyt or Peter Crouch too much, I'll just say that it's a big upgrade and leave it at that. It'll be interesting to see what he can accomplish with el Nino. Oh, and it helps to have a healthy Stevie G as well. Can't forget about Captain Fantastic (I know how much Juan loves him).

As for the Gunners, it's clear that they should advance. But with no Cesc, Toure, Rosicky, Senderos, Diaby, or Nasri, it won't be quite as easy. Seeing Denilson and Aaron Ramsey (!) partnered up in central midfield doesn't exactly inspire the greatest confidence, but it will certainly be exciting to watch. The Arsenal attack (Ade, RVP) really should carve up this Dutch side, but I wouldn't be surprised to see a makeshift backline (Johan Djourou, you are the weakest link) leak a goal or two away from home.


The Belgian Champions (AHAHAHA) 0 - 3 Hope Springs Eternal

Steve McFailure 1 - 2 Teenagers FC

Since we're back, it only makes sense to start this up again.