Satan Said Dance

The Champions League has left me in a void I hadn't approached since Fabian Carini did his best Jenna Jameson impression in World Cup Qualifying. Brasil 2, Uruguay 1 was the worst loss I've ever experienced as a whole.

I was at a bar with my dad watching Uruguay for the first time since 2002. We entered Summers and were shocked to see the remaining 20 Uruguayans on the eastern seaboard drinking beers and loudly conversing - in spanish of course - about Montevideo and Rocha. I was sure my eyes were deceiving me as I scanned the room to see La Celeste jerseys on everyone. My dad and I got pretty bad seats (only 5 minutes till kick, how foolish of us) next to an older Uruguayan couple seemingly enjoying their appetizers.

It took only three minutes for me to curse in Spanish at Forlan's bad pass and the crowd awoke. A group of 20-somethings laughed at my outburst and when I looked back to see if they were laughing at me someone in the crowd responded with, "VAMOS! Carajo!!!" That sufficiently fired the crowd and it was about time because this happened.

The only other time I can remember being filled with such violent joy and the need to scream and flex my muscles was Clint Dempsey's carefree open-lace blast against Ghana (were you in my basement with me Jim?). Well anyway, long story short, if you want to know how I felt - pause the video at the 11 second mark, check Abreu's face, and that was me. The bar was :19.

That's all I remember after that.

Well that's not exactly true. I remember I stared at my dad at one point during the final minute completely heartbroken and devastated and he was lost in thought. He sat there still for a moment, then his eyes flared and he snapped out it. "Lets go," was all he said.

I can hardly imagine what that team has done to him the past 30 years and I realized something after I watched Toure flail behind Babel for the 100th time. The human experience was designed to endure long stretches of misery and failure but not meant to sustain happiness. You can become desensitized to happiness but your threshold for pain only increases. And that's what sports are all about. I had X amount of sports misery and Steven Gerrard simply told me to make room for X + 1.

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What have we learned...

Remember when I predicted no English teams would advance except for the winner of Arsenal/Liverpool. Sorry. I came away having learned something important though - the top teams in the EPL enjoy a significant home field advantage. I refuse to buy into the Stamford Bridge streak yet, but now I'll at least listen to what you're selling.

And can someone please explain to me what happened to De Rossi? My publicist is telling me that he effortlessly converted his PK on the biggest mother effing stage already - explain yourself Of-The-Pink. Gosh that would have changed the game completely. Don't let the media fool you with their, "Man Utd on cruise control," or "Manchester United easily through" or, "Man Utd players don't wear condoms when making love to Roma WAGs."

United were in some real danger if De Rossi doesn't miss his first ever* penalty. Ya, ya, then Ferguson brings on Cristi and Rooney. Whatever, crazier things have happened than that game going to PKs. All I'm trying to point out is that Chester looks vulnerable and it's eerily similar to the way the Patriots looked vulnerable in their wins as well. Huh, huh, didnt think I'd mention the patriots did you. Well yeah, I did, that just happened, wrap your mind around that.

(The only problem now is that the loss has to happen to Barca now because facing a familiar foe in Livercrap or Chelsboring isn't going to happen)

Meanwhile, after Jim and I checked into our room at Heartbreak Hotel, we were visited by satan - he said this weekend will give the Gooners one final hurrah on the season and that we should dance. Satan also said that Arsene is gonna start Theo or else. Thanks satan.

Juventus has AC Milan as well - thank god Kaka is healthy again. YAY! I'm sure my two teams aren't going to split the weekend.

Enjoy the weekend.


*may or may not be true