I heard a staggering statistic the other day when I was watching the Community Shield match. In the previous 2 seasons, Cristiano and Carlito Tevez combined for 102 goals for Manchester United (67 and 35 respectively). They are also without Van Der Sar for some time. Here are there first 10 games:
There are 7 ho-hum games in there for an uneventful 18-21 points. And three worrisome-but-could-be-blow-out games in there as well. My final answer is 24 points. If you want more analysis you're going to have to wait because I have absolutely no clue what to think of this team. United lost their identity, without argument, and they're ageing stars have aged one more year. Is Rooney capable of picking up the load? Because I know Berbatov is not. Valencia is a bruiser, which is to say, not exactly the United type. The man is huge by the way, just absolutely ripped. I'm scarred.
"Lucas - 'I can fill Alonso void'"
"Arhancet - 'LMAO!'"
Is it possible to write off a Liverpool team that had such a good year (all things considered) before this season even starts? The answer is yes. And the reason why is because Lady-Luck was riding them reverse cowgirl all season long and they still finished 6 points adrift. And they loved it. I have a hard time imagining Ms. Luck being so kind this year again. Here are their first 10:
at West Ham
That's pretty brutal (but wait, the best is yet to come). I count only 5 guarantees in there. 1 volatile, just absolutely unpredictable game against Hull City (my sleeper to win the EPL). 2 of the big four and 2 against the frisky six. My final answer is 21 points and that's not at all a bad thing.
I have them winning the league although I'll never admit it. This team would get choked by Dylon (I spit hot fire) because in the past two years they've been so close. Too close really. Drobga is happy, Anelka seems to hate life a little less, Ballack is surprisingly fit (for ze German National team), Lampard is FFL (Frank F*&^ing Lampard), and I really like the Zhirkov signing. Not to mention Deco, a healthy Joe Cole, Essien, Carvalho, Bosingwa, and John Terry.
Ugh. Here are there first 10 games:
at Stoke City
at Aston Villa
Allow me to go on record with them losing to Hull City, panic at the disco, and then winning their remaining 9 games. My final answer is 26 points. And if you're clever, you'll realize you can only get to that number by winning 8 games and drawing 2, but I digress.
Are you ready for murder's row? At least for the first half of the ten. Cuz oh my goodness:
at West Ham
(Yes that is a picture of Gisele and yes she does appear to be a gunners fan.)
We could go our first 4 games without a single point, bust out of the Champions League and still be in September. That would cause me to fly to St. Louis and hang myself outside of Jim's apartment wearing nothing but my Carlos Vela jersey. Jim would go outside, see what has happened, and with the gun he's been carrying because of Arsenals start, shoot himself in the head. We'd make BBC front page and Arsene Wenger would be quoted as saying we made a hasty decision. Damn you Arsene. Damn you. My final answer is 24 points.
That leaves the standings at;
Hull City - 28
Chelsea - 26
Man Utd - 24
Arsenal - 24
Liverpool - 21
T-minus 2 days!!!! I'd be lying if I denied having an erection. Two days.