Check, Please

If Arsenal were a restaurant it would be a Cafe.
At Arsenal Cafe the menu looks delicious:
Jamon serrano croque monsieur
Bouillabasse with mustard seed toast
Vegetarian paella for two
10oz ribeye with patatas bravas
Lamb schnitzel - (sorry, temporarily unavailable)
Today's Special - Pan-seared Chilean sea bass with a lemon shallot butter

The reviews would be something like this:
5/5 stars - "Great place!  Get the sea bass special... omg, so good.  I can't believe this place has been down the block this whole time!  I can't wait to go back."  - Jenn

5/5 stars - "Seriously get the fish special, unforgettable!!  Great place for a date, quiet chic atmosphere and reasonably priced!!"  - Brit

4/5 stars - "Fantastic noms.  4 stars only because we waited an hour for the paella and when it was being brought out the waiter tripped and dropped it on the floor!  I heard its good though lol.  They were super nice about it and gave us free dessert.  Cash only. - Bryan

2/5 stars - "Lamb schnitzel is super overrated." - Frank

1/5 stars - "Schnitzel not that great - not worth it for that price"  - Bill

5/5 stars - "Sooooo good!  Apparently this place was a dump way back but my dad said they changed management and now it's great! I had the sea bass (of course! Lol) and my boyfriend seemed to really appreciate the schnitzel, said he couldn't believe all the criticism."  - Franny

0/5 stars - "Worst place ever.  My friend used to work there and said he couldn't wait to get out, they make no money and the staff is always changing and it shows.  Also what is up with cash only?  I asked the owner and he was super rude about it and said he'd never change the policy."  - Wayne

1/5 stars - "The food is ok but they ran out of silverware and the owner just told us to eat with our hands.  wtf?!  Just go buy some silverware bro... owner is crazy, the waiters said they've known about this for months.  Nachos for dessert...not going back"  - Tom

4/5 stars - "The sea bass, I mean WOW.  My friends got the paella but it was weird because the serving tray it was on right when they were going to eat it just randomly exploded and paella went everywhere."  - Ashley

3/5 stars - "My boyfriend drags me to this place at least once a week and promised me things would be different this year.  The sea bass was obviously great but I can't get that every single time.  He was bummed about the schnitzel not being available, said he was worried about that since restaurant week is coming up (newsflash, they're not beating Gordon Ramsays place, again #smh).  It's a good restaurant, don't get me wrong.  Every now and then the service is great, the food is delicious, and the atmosphere is perfect.  I just don't get how he gets so excited for this every time."  - Melissa

2/5 stars - "What is with the paella though?  Right as I'm about to take my first bite the light fell from the ceiling and knocked the fork out of my hand and splattered the food everywhere."  - AW