Something Great

Arsene Wenger cobbled together starting lineups with spit and duct tape and Denilson and somehow the team dragged its ass over the finish line in third or fourth.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Another Friendly

"Bye dad! Bye mom!," the children exclaimed as they ran to the car.

"Bye kids. Don't stay up too late and don't bother your aunt Kathy. Thanks so much for doing this again, Kathy," said the mother.

"Oh it's nothing really," Kathy dismissed, "you two deserve some time alone," she said with a wry smile.

"Kathy!" the mom said blushing.

"Come on honey. She's right," chuckled the husband. They finished saying their goodbyes and the door finally shut. They both let out a sigh and took in the silence.

The food arrived 20 minutes later and after enjoying a nice quiet dinner the couple sauntered into the bedroom. She was trying not to show it, but the woman was getting very nervous. She knew the statistics that her husband did not and worse, they applied to her. So while it was very nice of aunt Kathy to have scheduled such an event, it didn't necessarily mean good things were going to happen.

As more and more articles of clothing were removed the woman cleared her head and was ready to give this another try. She disliked bad sex, even though she knew she their was little alternative, and that's why she tried to keep an open mind before every go.

Things were progressing pretty much as she remembered and then something dreaded happened. Her mind began to wander and when she came to, she realized after only 1 minute - nope, not this time. It was a shame that she would have to continue for 8 more minutes, plus any cuddle time, when she knew pretty much right away this wasn't going to work.

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Spain vs. USA game notes

  • We slide tackle way, way, too much. Bradley, Pearce, Hejduk, and Cherundolo leave their feet 4 out of every 5 times they are asked to defend. It reeks of no confidence, it leads to alot of fouls - as they slide anywhere on the field - and even when they do it successfully, we still don't gain possession from it.
  • Ball watching ball watching ball watching. If you weren't entirely sure you would have thought that inside the new Euro ball a video is playing that shows a naked Jenna Fischer rubbing hot oils all over Megan Fox because Onyewu and Bocanegra loved watching that ball.
  • I am now sure that we suck without Landon Donovan but not sure that we are good when he plays. Great.
  • If you check the replay, you'll see that Xavi beat 4 US defenders (not counting the goalie) with one turn, one cut, and one shot.
  • Dear Eddie Johnson, next time you get a point blank header 3 yards out, please score. Sincerely, everyone who knows deep down you can't possibly suck as much as you do.
  • If you put a gun to my head and made me say whether or not the US has any midfielders I would have started crying and had to say no.
  • The following players suck: Heath Pearce, Michael Bradley, Josh Wolff, Frankie Hejduk (Frank must get alot of girls with that cool "ie" at the end of his name. I get wet just thinking about calling him Frankie), Demarcus Beasley, Eddie Johnson.
  • The following players I would say suck if they were on a team like Spain... or England: Cherundolo, Bocanegra, Eddie Lewis (who barely made this category and not the previous), Pablo Mastroeni (nice slide tackle turd sandwich).
  • In case you were wondering, that leaves Donovan, Freddy Adu, Altidore (props on Villa), Onyewu/Dempsey who are desperately trying to convince me otherwise, and Edu, whom I often confuse with Adu and that's good enough.

Are we going to qualify for the World Cup - absolutely. It won't even be a problem. We play teams like Barbados, Honduras, Guatemala and Panama. That's laughable... until you realize it's not helping us. So yeah, I'm ecstatic that we're playing England, Spain and Argentina even if we lose every game (which we will).

The problem is that we're quite literally not competing. And that's tough. It's tough being outclassed by teams that everyone knows are better anyway. So when the World Cup comes around, pray that we draw an Asian team, a bottom of the barrel European team and some bad African team because otherwise we're not advancing. Then hope that we have Korea after the group stages, Mexico in the quarter finals, some cinderella African team like Ivory coast in the semis and then pray with all your might - to Jesus, God, Allah, Buddah, anyone, that the other team we'll see in the finals comes down with food poisoning the night before.

Argentina is next.

4 comments:

Jim said...

So basically, we can conclude that watching the U.S. national team is like being a woman who feels obligated to engage in unsatisfying sex with her inadequate husband.

I can't speak from personal experience, but that actually seems like a pretty apt comparison.

Juan Suarez said...

its probably the closest we men we'll be able to relate jim

Ben said...

Yeah...We all knew this was the case with the US team, but we don't want to admit it. We're still on the false high from 2002. CONCACAF is a joke. They should get 3 teams MAX. None of that 3.5 bs.

With that said, I'm still pumped to watch Argentina, I mean, the US on Sunday. Ah, who am I kidding, I want to see Argentina.

Jake said...

well as already mentioned the boys were completely outclassed again on the whole, however, there were times (i.e. midway through the first half for like 10 mins or so) where they not only were holding their own but were even able to take it to the spainiards, hey we know eddie johnson knows where the net is but apparently he can only put the ball there after an offsides flag is up.

After the past 2 games I rescind any positive remarks I have made about Michael Bradley, he looked so promising last summer (Gold Cup, U-20 worlds) and scored a bunch of goals this season for Heenerveen, but he was well out of his depth against england and spain, showed none of the poise, passing precision and good decision making i've seen before, that said he's still 20 so maybe he figures it out. i hope so.

on the bright side Freddy looked awesome, he was confident strong on the ball and had some real nice passes, maybe it was b/c he was playing in the position he desperately wants, maybe Benfica has been really really good for him, who cares just hope he keeps it up.

i think Onyewu was resposible for the goal, (though Hejduk was a good teammate and tried to share responsibility) Not only did Xavi (we need to get someone withthat name) completely juke him but he then took out bocanegro who looked like he might try a usa lunge tackle at him.

looking forward to Sunday