Round 1 Thoughts and Musings

Group A
The permutations and expectations of this group are dizzying at times. I have heard sound arguments for all 8 two-team combinations to advance. France/Mexico. Uruguay/SouthAf. France/SouthAf... and so on and so forth. What is certain however, is that the excitement and 47 months of anticipation shrouded the statistic that only 4 teams who have lost their opening match have ever advanced out of the group. Friday's games demonstrated this but you wouldn't have known it until today. That is to say, the mentality that is dominating the first salvos is clearly - don't lose your first game!

All four teams in Group A showed at least one positive sign but also several negatives. And though the standings show the group all-square, the first round, to me, revealed two tiers. Uruguay and France are in the upper tier, and Mexico/SouthAf are in the lower tier based on the nuances of the play. Shape, discipline, ball-movement - these characteristics were at a higher level in Game2. Today, hopefully (if you're me) the disparity in class will shine through.

If Uruguay can't beat South Africa then they don't deserve to advance. And in order to avoid all shenanigans, Uruguay must win today. They know this. And of all people, Loco Abreu surmised it best. "We got 1 point against France, now its up to everyone else to try and get a point against France." That means you Mexico.

Group B
Messi's scoreless streak for country continues even though by all accounts he had a great game. Meh. Let me know when he scores. Nigeria looked atrocious so it's tough to commit to any conclusions. The only team that looked worse is Greece. South Korea overflowed with confidence and that will hopefully carry over when they play Argentina next. Needless to say the round 2 match between Korea and Argentina will show which squad is legit.

Group C
A fan somewhere in Slovenia during their match realized an opportunity was about to pass them by. Slovenia is in control of this group but for a moment, or rather, 78 minutes, it looked as if this previously unthinkable conclusion would be squandered. Unfortunately for USA/England, Algeria's goalkeeper decided to also take a dump on the field.
So here we are. Group C is the most interesting group and the United States joins the list of teams that is faced with a must-win scenario on Friday. It's still impossible to imagine England not advancing out of the group stages but let's just say I'm listening to all comers.

Group D
Germany didn't get the memo that the first round of games are to be played tentatively and with caution. Ze Germans swaggered and they surfed. Everyone who needed to score for that squad, Prince Podolski and Klose, did. The only way it could get any better for the Germans is if Algeria finishes 2nd place in the Group C.

Group E
The Netherlands haven't exactly clicked into place and the health of Arjen Robben still looms. Bendtner looked pretty good. Uh... yeah, not much going on here except that Cameroon is winning the world cup by a mile for coolest fu%$ing jerseys. Mmmmmmm.

Group Fail
Booooooooo. I'm so upset Luca Toni isn't a part of this.

Group G
My mother thought it was a bad idea that I wore a Uruguay shirt and watched the Brasil game at Reagan/National airport cheering for North Korea. I was prepared to fight every random white guy wearing a Kaka jersey though so it's all good. It's probably too early to tell, but Brasil looked like dog shit. I will convert to any religion that can answer my prayers that Brasil loses their next two games.
There are many complaints about the vuvuzella's and one of those complaints is that you can't hear the ooo's and aah's during a build-up. Ivory Coast vs. Portugal debunked that argument handily. When the jumbotron showed Didier Drogba about to come into the game the vuvu's went apeshit and the stadium seemed like it was gonna come down for 3 minutes. That was a thousand times cooler than singing and it's going to be very hard to forget hearing that boom of vuvu's.

Group H
Chile's Sanchez looked honeycrisp and Honduras came out tired and with no rhythm. Spain is currently playing so I can't comment on them yet but come on, Spain is winning this group [editors change] losing today.

TwoType of B!$ches

"You got bitches who will and bitches who won't.
Bitches who do and bitches who don't.
Man you got bitches who can and bitches who can't.
You got bitches who know they are and bitches know that they ain't."

Don't be surprised to see Bernard Freeman in South Africa supporting the United States with his ties to Clint Dempsey. I'm just saying.

Spain
Why they can - No team has played better than Spain in the past 2 years. They won the Euro's and they didn't lose a qualifying game in Europe. Spain also has the most proven talent on their roster from a club perspective. It is not difficult to find reasons why they can win it.

Why they can't - A simply stunning history of under-achieving. In 2006 they lost in the Round of16. In 2002 they lost to South Korea in the quarters. In 1998 they didn't get out of their group! The list goes on and on culminated by historically the biggest poop sandwich in 1982 when the host nation didn't make it to the knock-out stages.
And who does Spain have waiting for them after the group stages? Only the 2nd place (or 1st place) team from the pundit proclaimed Group of Death! Brasil, Portugal or the Ivory Coast. Have fun with that Spain. It's another Round o' 16 exit for the Red Fury... or they'll make the final. Probably one of those two.

Brasil
Why they can - Joga Bonito and Luis Fabiano, who I have winning the Golden Boot.

Why they can't - The only player in that video that still plays for Brasil is Robinho. Which touches upon a more important reason why they can't - why change a good thing? Before Dunga arrived Brasil had won 5 titles by scandalizing goal-keepers and not returning phone calls (I apologize for the language, very NSFW). Now they want to focus on defense. Huh? Their goals in qualifying are only slightly down but they don't play like they used to. And the omission of Ronaldinho from a squad that kept Josue and Gilberto is glaring. The boo-birds were out in Brasil and not on one occasion. If there are two things Brasilians know well its unprotected sexual intercourse, and good soccer. So if the fans don't believe in this team then neither do I.

England
Why they can - The British have an easy group and one of the easiest roads to go deep in the tournament. Wayne Rooney has shown he is capable of carrying a team and who knows, maybe even Lampard and Gerrard will play like it's 2001. Add John Terry and Rio Ferdinand to that list as well. They have the players, albeit a bit worn, and they have the balance.

Why they can't - Lampard and Gerrard. Watch Gerrard's reaction (:36) to when Lampard misses and guess the outcome of his PK. That game against Portugal typified pretty much all of England's struggles. I'll ignore Wayne Rooney's complete loss of composure since he's four years older now and surely more mature. But I can't ignore their anguish before they've lost. The weight of the world, whether real or not, crushes them. The fans heap on the pressure, the unrealistic expectations and the media leverages that 50-fold. There simply isn't an atmosphere to succeed on that rainy island. It's a terrible relationship the players have with their media and it reminds me of a bad divorce that keeps getting delayed to save the children. Nobody wins and the children end up bitter and jaded.

Argentina
Why they can - Lionel. Messi.

Why they can't - The last time Lionel played well for Argentina a certain dope-fiend was in the stands watching, not on the bench. Maradona may have butchered um, well everything about Argentina but I don't think Diego is to blame for the odd lack of depth in the midfield. Everyone also seems be ignoring their back four. It's easy to do because they're so top heavy, but still, after Gabriele Heinze you can't name another defender on that team. And Heinze isn't good anymore. The line-up for Argentina after their forwards and Mr. Messi is surprisingly without star-power, that's all I'm saying. They're in a tricky group and I can't say I'll be shocked if they finish 2nd place in that group.

Netherlands
Why they can - The Dutch didn't lose a game qualifying in Europe and there aren't enough murmurs about a team that has Van Persie, Robben, Sneijder, Van der Vaart, Kuyt, De Jong, Ooijer, Huntelaar, and Babel. Not to mention their easy group and the 2nd place team from Group F(ail) in the round o' 16. They may not play a team until the Semi-finals and then anything can happen. Like this. The Lands are one of 3 teams I can see winning the whole thing.

Why they can't - Apparently Van Persie and Sneijder hate each other, which is just stupid, and their keeper is outrageously not Edwin Van Der Saar. Whether the VP and Sneijder beef is true or not the Dutch have some large, just massive egos to keep in check. This team hates adversity and if they were a boxer they'd have a weak chin - ask Arshavin.

Germany
Why they can - Five out of the past nine World Cup finals have included Germany. Thus, when Germany is the second of three teams I like to win the whole thing it is not bold at all. The Ballack injury will hopefully galvanize them and Ze Germans still have Podolski, Klose, Schweinsteiger, Lahm, Gomez, Jansen and eighty years of German discipline and focus. Before Essien got hurt Ze Germans would have been in a very tricky group but Ghana just won't be the same without him. Not to mention that Germany gets the 2nd place team in Group USA.

Why they can't - I could be wrong about the Ballack injury and the Germans themselves seem worried about their goal-scoring drought since they ran up the score in a meaningless scrimmage. Also, two inexplicable draws against Finland may pay homage to that phrase: their is never just one cockroach. Their jerseys are ugly this year.

and finally

Uruguay
Why they can - Forlan and Suarez are the third best strike-duo in the world and the center-backs have been playing together for 8 years. Sprinkle in midfielders who know their role (Pereira, Gargano), a super sub who bagged 6 goals in Conmebol qualifying (Abreu) and a young, creative midfielder who has no idea the magnitude of what's happening around him (Lodeiro) and you've got a balanced bunch that can make some noise. The team overcame unbelievable pressure to qualify in dramatic fashion so they're battle-tested. Uruguay has an easy group and a great road to the finals.

Why they can't - Their mascot, a terrifying blue duck. But really because Uruguay is the most inconsistent team with regards to volatility in the tournament. Meaning, when they're on they can poop at Brasil but when they're off they can lose to the Cayman Islands. Admittedly it's very difficult to write about this team objectively because I just watched that Ecuador video and started crying a little bit. But it's important to note that they're favorites to win Group A and ranked 10th in the world by Nate Silver. So at the very least there are two people who know Uruguay are the type that can.

Friendly Fire Game Notes

4 matches and 6 hours of shameless soccer watching... life with Tivo and FSC/GolTv is good.

England at France

-(Enter stage left, Franck Ribery) Ladies and gentlemen, the future of French futbol. Ribery surprised me in the World Cup, surprised me when he was signed by Bayern and will surprise me no more. The man is legit.
He was everywhere on Wednesday. No part of the attacking half of midfield was off-limits for Franck and if his positioning had not slipped him behind defenders, he went ahead and burned them anyway. Even with his is stellar play, France threatened very little and its because of

Anelka/Trezeguet
- Treze was typically uninvolved (more on this later) and Anelka was way too involved. It's true that Nicolas and Ribery worked well together for most of the game but Anelka's diagonal runs were to the corner flag rather than the box. That wouldn't be a problem for a team like Germany or England that rely on crosses to their bigger players but who is gonna finish these crosses for France? Treze - unlikely and certainly not for Domenech in a friendly. Malouda - boooooo, more on him later as well. Ribery - he's 5 feet tall. With their current middies and strikers the Francais cannot/should not become a cross-heavy team.

Malouda
-Booooooooo. Boooooooo. Deep breath, BOOOOOOOOO. England backed off of him several times daring him to shoot and he obliged with a shank or a non threatening Mr. Softie. He was open behind Treze (who usually drew 2 defenders) and he dribbled out of his free space only to clog up the area just outside the box. He played no through-balls, and struggled so much, that Anelka had to change his runs to give him an out. I was frustrated by the way Malouda bludgeoned to death so many breakouts and forward opportunities. I wonder if he has the same problems when he goes out. I can see Treze or Anelka at a bar closing out a French tomcat and then Malouda joins mid conversation with a loud laugh and lack of introduction. EEeeeeeeee

Quicker notes now because this is getting long.

Capello - one up top (Rooney) is not gonna do it. Wayne really needs to be in the right formation to be effective. Recall 5 feet tall.

Gallas - Wenger's quote about how Gallas is, "quick to blame" made me feel bad because I was laying on him hard. I'll give him more time before I give him the official sucks-on-it stamp of disapproval. Fine. Good thing he got to see some Rooney too before we meet ManUtd.

Owen/Crouch - blowjob city. They suck. It's getting to the point where I'm remembering Owen suck more than I can remember him being good. That's scary. Also, I was dead wrong about Crouchey - I thought he'd be more effective with more minutes. You can't spell Crouch without "ouch."

USA at Poland

-Will Poland ever stop singing... ever. What a fan base. Down 2-nil, loud singing. Down 3-nil, even louder. It was actually annoying. I wanted to break their spirits (as a fan vicariously living through the US of course) and we couldn't do it. They still come out with a win for that one.

- I loved, loved the lineup. I should specify a touch more, the formation. Donovan and Dempsey as outside midfielders is perfect for them. 2 strikers is the way to go up top and no sweeper has the US defenders assuming responsibility much better (as opposed to the usual not at all).

- Ching was a little lost, Iguchi wears this cologne, and Eddie Johnson is absolutely, without reserve, terrible. Bradley had his boys driving Porche's on offense and Eddie was the equivalent of the airbag deploying at 3rd gear. It was that bad. He halted every attack and I can't remember a time when he received the ball on his foot and went forward instead of backwards. I provide photographic proof that the man can run forwards. Explain to me what the deuce happened to him. The commentators mentioned briefly that Bradley had asked Eddie to "wait for his teammates" on offense but my goodness.

-Despite Eddie's best efforts, I have in my notes, "man we had a lot of chances!" It's true. Dono missed two gimmes - the type you forget about in a 3-nil blowout and I think this has something to do with how the US was passing out of the backfield instead of bypassing the midfield with a long-ball.

Other notes that I find humorous

-Hello Eddie Lewis
-At least we won in Europe... although I kind of wish I knew one Polish player. I don't recognize anyone.

Argentina vs Egypt

- To no one's surprise here at TLOCA headquarters, Aguero had a monster game. Yowza he's good. The only worrying feature I've noticed about him is that he doesn't finish quite well. He creates so many chances, but anytime he scores one, he probably should have had three.

- Egypt keeps its real. I did not expect them to win the African Nations Cup but I can see why now. They have some legitimately frisky forwards and experienced middies that play good defense. Still, they should have lost 5-2 instead of 2-0.

- Still wondering when Lucho Gonzalez (currently campaigning for minutes) is gonna go buckwild and play like he's not over-thinking. He was a bit cautious on Wednesday for my taste.

- Add Cruz to the list of, "players Juan thought were good but actually turn out to not... be good"

Brasil vs. Sweden

The 50th anniversary of the World Cup 5-2 victory for Joga Bonito. Pele was 17 folks... and scored 2 goals.

-The match was extremely entertaining. Brasilian futbol is always a joy to watch and for this particular match, quite terrifying as well. Why? After Dunga put on Pato and some other infant, the average age of the current Brasilian side was, gulp, under 21.

- The Swedes came out nicely. They actually threatened numerous times and although Brasil would not have played the same had Sweden converted, they could have easily won this game 2-1. Very handsome players I might add.

Is this girl Swedish Brasilian? Have I stumbled upon a genetically perfect individual?

Your Cup Overflows

Bartender, pour me some soccer.

England vs Switzerland (3pm et. on FSC)

Italian skipper Capello has his first cupcake, Switzerland. If he doesn't convince the putrid fans with an overwhelming victory they'll somehow complain more. Just now, at this very moment, I realized that the English side simply is not that great. Every team has "talent" and the English style of soccer - which is long crosses, no dribbling, defense first - does not exactly allow this talent to flourish.
But Juan, you hate England? I'm not reading your bias anymore...
wait, wait, seriously, think about their squad. Besides Terry - who would literally rather get kicked in the face before he lets up a scoring chance - they are stocked full of good-at-everything, great-at-nothing players.
Gerrard, Cole, Hargreaves, Rio Ferdinand, other Cole, Rooney, Crouch, Owen... booooooooo! (deep breath) BOOOOOOOO! I'm boo'ing my computer right now. Their only (arguably), "electric" players are Gareth Barry and Shaun Wright-Phillips - they don't play that much. And the other one, I think his name is David, isn't on the squad. Sexy stars with first name's David are getting housed this time around... weird.

Italy vs Portugal (2:40 et. on GolTV)

I was just on the subject of electric... I wonder if either of these two teams feature electric players. Probably not, I'll just move on.
Well the 4th place finishers and the World-hoisters face off today in what is likely to be well played, compliment filled match that more resembles a nice red-carpet gala than a fierce competition. Each side will certainly try to out-dress the other in their suits and shades. In Italy and Portugal, life is good, and if you want to see moments of brilliant soccer and devastatingly handsome players, tune in. Something you'll get in this game that you won't in the England game - is one player putting a move of deceptive nature on another player, and dribbling the ball around that subsequent player (Cut to overdressed old woman with diamond crusted binoculars.) (In an English accent) Harumph!! Well I Nnnnevah!... Don't disappoint the queen Bentley and pass that ball.

France vs Spain (3pm et. somewhere online)

The overachievers versus the underachievers. This match is definition, whatever happens here is of no help to determining what will happen later. Just enjoy the soccer. Hopefully Titi Henry picks up his game a touch for his nation because he's showing signs of fading on Barca. As for the Spaniards, wow do they have a squad. But just like geopolitics of the region, they fall short against the more powerful Euro nations. I would argue that Cesc and Torres are the most volatile young duo on the planet right now. If they both shift into anything over 3rd gear, change lanes and get the hell out of the way.

I'm gonna pat myself on the back with the picture I found of the Spanish. Three extremely talented and great footballers filled with despair at what has to be another effort in vain. Tired and longing, the Spanish continue to win Pam's trophy of Longest Engagement without ever marrying.

Brasil vs Ireland (8pm et. on FSC)

Whenever you get a chance to watch Brasilian soccer you should take it. Even more so with Dunga at the helm because he has publicly announced he seeks to utilize young talent. And by young, Dunga means 16 years old.

Uruguay vs Colombia (6:30pm et. on GolTV)

Turns out I'm still really bitter. Once I see Carini we'll see what happens. You know I still don't know why Recoba isn't playing?

USA vs Mexico

Easily the most meaningful game of the set. Both of these teams always want to beat the other. The US deserves its own section so I won't give you my two cents just yet. Mexico in my opinion will always be coming off the Maxi goal until 2010. See Mexico's version of 9/11. I can honestly say that no Mexican deserved that.



All these games are tomorrow. Enjoy a great Wednesday.