Happy Thanksgiving (Except you, Arsenal)

I hope everyone is having a great holiday, despite Arsenal's best efforts to ruin it. The panic button shouldn't be pushed yet, but I understand if you're hunched over the button with your arm raised and glancing around with crazy eyes.

This Saturday against Aston Villa, the Gooners have the opportunity to start off the weekend in amazing fashion. And I'm not referring to the three points. Those will be nice of course, but I'm most referring to timing of it all.

It's a long weekend, it's the holidays, and Arsenal is the opening ceremony. An Arsenal win means the United-Blackburn match is exceedingly more enjoyable. You get to be that guy at the bar wearing Arsenal red, oooh-ing and aah-ing obnoxiously over every Blackburn miss. You can drink your beer with a conspicuous air of entitlement, talk loudly about how, "Wayne seems to have lost a step", and still leave happy after United win 2-nil. The day has just begun.

After an early lunch of leftover turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes, the Serie A is there for dessert. AC Milan and their enigmatic all-stars face a tricky Sampdoria side to increase their lead atop the table. Then comes Juventus, or rather, the Milo Krasic show, on FSC. If you haven't tuned in to see Milo Krasic run circles around slow Serie A defenders, this is your chance. The Old Lady has a swagger about them lately, so lets hope they keep it up.

Before you drift off to sleep in the wonderful food comatose that can only occur this time of year, let Diego Forlan tuck you in. The World Cup's best player leads Atletico Madrid against Barcelona's younger brother, Espanyol. With rumors of a scoring drought, Doug E Fresh set the record straight against Osasuna, and ever since, he and Kun Aguero have been running trains on La Liga defenders.

On Sunday, Liverpool will beat Tottenham after Chelsea loses to Newcastle and the Rams, who are shockingly relevant this year, will pull out a nice road victory a mile in the air. You'll say goodbye to family, eat one more turkey sandwich for the road and wonder why you don't make 15 pound turkeys more often because the leftovers are so damn good. Unfortunately, it can't be replicated; it won't be same if it's not Nov 25th, but you knew that already.

None of these things will happen if Arsenal comes out and loses. So yeah, no pressure.

Happy Thanksgiving!

In the Words of Ice Cube...

"It was a good day." In fact, it was a great football weekend. Let's recap...

I got my grub on, but didn't pig out; finally got a call from a girl I wanna dig out...

Aston Villa 2 - 2 Manchester United. In a way, a United loss would have been pigging out - I don't think I'm alone in having the feeling that if they lost this one, they would bounce back with a five spot against Wigan next weekend. Instead, they get to maintain a false sense of security in their unbeaten run, and can ignore that they've been leapfrogged in the table, drawn two in a row, are relying on the likes of Park and Vidic to get them out of jail, and should have never even beaten Wolves last week. Ring ring. Hello, who's there? Oh, hey Aston Villa... are you telling me you're going to start playing like the side that routinely competes for fifth or sixth and gives the top teams trouble? So good to hear from you...

Looking in my mirror, not a jacker in sight - and everything is alright...

Manchester City 0 - 0 Birmingham City. As an Arsenal fan, please allow me to redirect something towards Citeh, something that every Arsenal hater has been telling me ad infinitum (and not without good reason) for the past few years: "these are the games you have to win to be a contender." Chelsea, Arsenal, and United are looking in their rear view mirrors, and they're increasingly unafraid of what they see.

Saw the police, and they rolled right past me...

Juventus 1 - Roma 1. This is not so much a positive as it is an aversion of disaster (for both teams). All in all, a very entertaining match, and either side could have won (and either side could have had players booked or even sent off, especially near the end when it got chippy). But as it is, two good teams made sure they didn't lose big while going for the win, and two fine strikers added to their tally. Nobody got arrested, and the title remains a viable goal.

Woke her up around one, she didn't hesitate to call Ice Cube the top gun...

Barcelona 3 - 1 Villareal. I don't hesitate to call Leo Messi the top gun, and neither should you. Two goals from him (he's so good, that I expect him to score his first the way he does now... he's officially patented the double give and go, and we're all spoiled for it), and the Blaugrana got to sit top for about 24 hours.

Today was like one of those fly dreams...

Chelsea 0 - 3 Sunderland. The kind of fly dream where Sunderland drop three goals. On Chelsea. At Stamford Bridge. Three well-deserved goals, might I add. It was the kind of fly dream in which Ashley Cole passes it directly to the other team to set up an icing-on-the-cake goal. Well played, Steve Bruce. Well played Danny Welbeck and Asamoah Gyan. And extremely well played Nedum Onuoha, doing his best Messi imitation for the opener. Mmm, positively dreamy.

Even saw the lights of the Goodyear Blimp, and it read: "Ice Cube's a pimp."

Hercules 2 - 1 Real Sociedad and Atletico Madrid 3 - 0 Osasuna. The Goodyear Blimp being La Liga (make of that what you will), and the shining lights being two TLOCA favorites, David Trezeguet (captured in the act of reasoning with the ball and convincing it that the goal is its proper home) and Diego Forlan, who got back on target for their respective sides. That's just a nice bonus, and a reminder that class is permanent. When Trez and Forlan go to sleep at night, they see their names on that blimp.

Drunk as hell, but no throwing up...

Everton 1 - 2 Arsenal. Arsenal continue to grind out tough wins on the road while surrendering easy ones at home. We scored two classy goals (Bacary!?!), and got a little too comfortable. But despite getting drunk and reeling a bit at the end, Lukasz Fabianski provided the voice of reason and prevented us from pulling the trigger and losing two points. We may have a bit of a hangover tomorrow, but thank goodness we didn't boot all over Goodison Park. Although we wouldn't have been the first to do it.

I got to say, it was a good day.

Amen. (And Jose Mourinho and AC Milan agree.)

Signs Of Withdrawal

Did you know that we live in a world where a man cannot buy a World Cup Diego Forlan Home jersey replica? A horrible world indeed.

This is how much I miss soccer; I found myself watching Juventus play the New York Red Bulls last night on FSC. Juve lost 3-1. It was an earlier replay from May 23rd and um, I watched it then too. This means I watched a two-month-old International Friendly that I had already seen...
August 15th is how many days away? 25 you say? Damn. Until then, here are updates on TLOCA allegiances.

Arsenal FC
The Cesc Fabregas saga has gone on for so long that I personally believe he will now never leave Arsenal. For at least 2 years. For at least 1 year. We're definitely keeping him this year.

Arsenal's first 5 games are: @Liverpool, Blackpool, @Blackburn, Bolton, @Sunderland.
I fully expect 15 points and a lovely +10 goal differential. While we're here, the Premiership will be decided this year in November and December for the Gunners beginning on Nov 14th:
@Everton, Tottenham, @Villa, Fulham, @United, Blah, Chelsea.
If we manage 14 points or more during that stretch, then Arsenal will be in pole position for the final stretch. Book it. Write it down. Do whatever you do with simple predictions like this.

US National Team
Rumors abound that the US Soccer Federation would like to secure Bob Bradley's future. This is a bad idea. To be sure, Bradley has neither underachieved nor overachieved with the talent he selected and is by no means a manager worth firing/letting go. I am simply a firm believer that National team head coaches should be changed every four years regardless of the outcome. Too many allegiances form during an incredibly long and drawn out qualifying campaign and coaches inevitably develop favorites. Outside of the obvious, Bradley trusts certain players for better - Feilhaber, Bradley - or for worse - Clark, Beasley. As a squad ages, it becomes impossible for an entrenched manager to objectively decide which older players to let go and which ones to keep (See Lippi, Marcelo). For example, by 2014, Tim Howard will be 35. Carlos Bocanegra will be 35. Clint Dempsey will be 32. Landon Donovan will be 33. I am not saying who should make the team, simply that Bradley might not be the best person to do so either. And if Jurgen Klinsmann wants the job for god's sake give it to him!

AS Roma
There isn't much news on the Italian front (release your schedule already!!) but in case you missed it, Roma signed Adriano, the Brasilian phenom who might finally have partied himself out. That means Adriano will join forces with Toni and Totti up front to form the most capricious strike force in professional football. They may run off 15 goals in three games or record only 3 shots attempted in five. Their back line remains quite great with Rossi, Juan, Mexes and Riise and the Roman side should make some noise this year again. This squad finished only 2 points back of Inter last year when they were fire burnin on the dance floor, so never count them out.

TH14Titi Henry, in what can only be Jim's wildest dream, signed for the New York Red Bulls and will play while Jimbo is in New York. And he's making his debut against Tottenham - hence my inclusion of Jim's favorite picture in the world (Click here to blow it up, priceless). Whatever you've done to deserve this Jim please let me know, that way David Trezeguet will sign for DC United and debut against Inter Milan. I demand a blog-post describing the event.

Air McBride
Brian still plays for the Chicago Fire - a team name I just realized after vague google searches is inappropriate - at 38 years old. He started practically all of last year and has 4 goals so far this year. In fact, on August 8th, Brian McBride might be on the field at the same time as Thierry Henry in what will surely be a 10-11 shoot-out in which both players score double hattricks in the first half.

Leo Messi
Messi recently finished his vacation in Rio and visited Haiti after setting a world cup record for most shots attempted in a World Cup without a goal. Unlike Wayne Rooney though, Messi clearly made an impact in every game he played and his talents aren't questioned. I will hopefully write alot more about Messi after seeing him play in person.

Super Robert Pires
The Arsenal legend's contract has not been extended at Villareal but he is rumored to be on his way to Ligue-1 Saint Etienne. He may also get paid in Qatar (see Cannavaro, Che) or with Jim's luck he will also sign with the New York Red Bulls.

Uruguayan National Team
I seriously can't find that beautiful jersey. If I were in to getting out-bidden by 1 penny after days of stressing I'd turn to Ebay but I'm not. Yet...

Juventus FC
Rumours abound that The Old Lady are after my man Diego Forlan. There can be no worse Diego already on the team, so that's probably a good thing. My patience with Juventus is razor-thin, so it's best to wait and see. Also, Juve didn't pick up Martin Caceres' loan option of 12milli and he's back to Barcelona. Again, not much news on the Italian front.

Peñarol
Our founder, Carlos Bueno, is back on the team after Real Sociedad inexplicably did not pick up his loan option. Uruguayan domestic soccer takes off for Christmas break around mid-December and doesn't resume until late January. That makes it just about impossible to see him play in the flesh. He also not so secretly hates Peñarol after they refused to pay him his contract and sued him during his subsequent tantrum. El Pais, Uruguay's newspaper, claims that Bueno's future will be decided shortly. If he doesn't find a place in Spain where I can see him play live for the first time I'll be so damn depressed. This story is developing rapidly so stay tuned.

Cristiano Ronaldo
He has an heir apparently and this is a big deal. A, uh, huge deal. Yeah, the rumors of him being infertile can now be put to rest. I'm simply amazed that he can walk after the repeated murder attempts he received when he played Spain. The officiating that game was a disgrace.

Storybook Runs
Uruguay. This is probably the only video I haven't seen. It's awesome. And finally...

Luca Toni, Wet Hair

At least there's the Serie A...

So let's see.

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse for Arsenal this season, they (1) lost their best defender for the remainder of the season and (2) lost to a team that hadn't won a league game against them for over a decade. Oh yeah, and it was Spurs. I really don't want to talk about it.

Chelsea also ground out a 1-0 win in a game they could have easily lost 2-1 if the referee hadn't decided that playing the ball with your hand in the area was acceptable. So barring the most miraculous/bizarre turn of events, they're cruising for the Double. Liverpool, the only member of the "Big Four" that I didn't really loathe is up for sale and essentially out of the CL, to be replaced by either Spurs (shudder) or Man City, which is quickly becoming almost as unlikable (and scary) as its neighbor. So the forces of evil triumph again.

In Spain, Barca hold a three point advantage which is quickly looking insurmountable. And anyway, it's just Madrid in the mix. Everyone else is like a million points behind.

So again, I feel stupid for asking Juan why I should care about the Serie A at the beginning of the season. Indeed, it's got my full attention now. There are three teams with legitimate shots at the title. Juve are fighting for their CL lives, and a lot more manfully than their current "Big Four" English counterpart in Liverpool. I hope they get there - the CL doesn't feel right without Alex del Piero curling in delightful free kicks and generally wreaking more havoc than you ever thought a 35 year old 5'8" Italian could cause on a football pitch. Forza Juve. Forza Roma. Let's make this a season to remember.

Juventus and the Identity Crisis Facing the Serie A

To say that the Serie A is still not feeling the effects of Calciopolli is like saying that steroids didn't help Mark McGwire hit home runs. But this is no time to point out that Inter's president also owned the Telecom company that wire-tapped the complicity between Juventus and referees. OK, that was a cheap shot, and in no way does TLOCA condone match-fixing, but let's focus on the roster changes at Juventus since May 2006, when the Serie A exploded.

Check out their roster before the scandal. Here are the top players based on Games Started in 2005/2006 -
Fabio Cannavaro
Gianluca Zambrotta
Emerson
Patrick Viera
Zlatan Ibrahimovic
Pavel Nedved
David Trezeguet
Mauro Camoranesi
Lilian Thuram
Gigi Buffon
Adrian Mutu
Alessandro Del Piero

Wow. That is scary good. Six of their starters are Top-100 players ever. Hindsight is typically flawless but its safe to assume based on how these players performed in the World Cup the next year that this squad is stacked.

Meanwhile, the scandal hits, and somewhere in Durham, NC, Duke lacrosse players throw a party they wish they hadn't. This is now after the Serie B (they had orginially been relegated to Serie C(!) but appealed and won). By Games Started in 2007-

Remained: Trezegol, Del Fire, Gigi The Greatest Ever Buffon, Pavel Blonde Locks Of Love Nedved and Camoranesi

Goodbye:
Cannavaro
Zambrotta
Emerson
Viera
Ibrahimovic
Thuram
Mutu

New as regular starters:
Legrottaglie
Chiellini
Molinaro
Zanetti
Nocerino
Grygera
Salihamidzic
Zebina
Sissoko
Tiago
Iaquinta (9 games started but he did have 8 goals that year)

Ummm yeah - that's quite a downgrade. Especially Molinaro, my nemesis. And clearly Mutu's departure from Juventus upset him so much he turned to cocaine as a manner of coping.

Games Started, in 2008/2009:
Grygera
Nedved (37 years old at the time)
Alessandro Del Fiero (35 at the time but still good)
Molinaro
Chiellini
Legrottaglie
Amauri
Sissoko
Mellberg
Iaquinta
Trezeguet (5 games started he was hurt and so was I) and of course
Buffon

If you don't follow Juventus regularly you surely don't recognize most of those names. This is an odd occurrence for Juventus. How odd? This club has 27 Scudettos, 2 Champions League titles, and dressed the likes of Michel Platini, Roberto Baggio, and Zissou Zidane to name a few.

Let's paint this a different way. Imagine if Everton had exposed Manchester United for an atrocious and condemning match fixing scandal that saw the Red Devils relegated. A young Cristiano Ronaldo leaves as a result, and so does Rio Ferdinand, Patrice Evra, Vidic, Carrick and Fletcher. And then, just to be funny (or something), Rio Ferdinand signs 4 years later and is mostly washed-up. Hey, kind of like right now for Rio (ZING!). It's safe to say this squad is going to suffer.

Now add a global recession, a domestic recession for Italian owners, and unfavorable taxes for the ultra-rich relative to Spain and less so England. All that coupled with a Serie A without its Manchester United leaves you a league at sixes and sevens. And more importantly, a league about to lose its 4th Champions League spot. So it's all fun and games when Clint Dempsey puts a cross into the top corner by accident to send home a sorry Juventus from the equally sorry Europa league competition until someone gets hurt. And the Serie A is hurting.

Myeoma, myeoma and Weekend Preview

Touch, touch, touch, and touch. If Uruguay does well at the World Cup there is a good chance I'll play this song on repeat and dance for 36 hours straight. Normally Jim Stanley does the Weekend Preview but I've decided to give it a crack.

(all times Eastern)

Saturday

7:45 am - Stoke City vs. Wigan Athletic
Before you immediately X the screen and get annoyed that you've doubly wasted your time reading this blog, just remember that this game is on Espn. So out of principle, since we all want Espn to buy more Premier League games, you should tune in. Not to mention that getting up to watch soccer is the most pleasant of alarm clocks. You can snooze a little during half-time or have breakfast. Soccer this early in the morning is a good thing, even if it is only between two squads that are frisky at best.

10:00 am - Bolton vs. Manchester City
The Citeh is on a tear as of late and this match is on Fox Soccer Channel. In case our reader didn't know, Veetle.com is a nice place to watch any games currently showing on FSC or GolTV if you don't get those channels at home. And so far as I know I haven't downloaded any viruses or had my identity stolen yet. Manchester City is a permanent fixture on my watch-list this year if they don't conflict with the other TLOCA teams because they are one of two teams in my opinion that can break up the big four (pictured*). The other team was Hull City at the beginning of the season but now is more reasonably Tottenham if only for their propensity to explode offensively.

12:30 pm - Manchester United vs. Aston Villa FSC (note the 30 minute lunch break)
As much as I want to hype this contest to be a close one I can't bring myself to do it. United will be playing at Old Trafford having won its last 5 meaningful games and Aston Villa, who choke harder than Latrelle Sprewell, have tied or lost 7 of their last 10 games. Only one of those came against the big four, Chelsea. This one will end 3 nil and by the 80th minute you'll realize suddenly it's been an extremely one-sided contest and a typical United win. BOOOO. Whatever, its still the U, and therefore you must watch.

2:30 pm - Bari vs. Juventus FSC
No, the bitterness hasn't subsided yet. This year the inevitable Juventus crash out of the Champions League was a bit more sour than usual simply because this year's team was a better team than last year, and much more suited for the CL. All of this in spite of the fact that it was clear they didnt' have it, whatever it is that makes a team's impending failures tremendously obvious. Think Hleb and Flamini leaving with no reasonable replacements at Arsenal. So, in summary, David Trezeguet should be starting and that's why you should watch.

Sunday

9:00 am - Atalanta vs. Inter
This is a highly comical match-up we, as followers, are privy to twice a year because Atalanta and Inter have the exact same uniforms. Thus, if you're hung over just enough you might go the whole first half wondering when Inter signed Robert Acquafresca and why he's starting over Samuel Eto'o. To be frank, the only reason I watch Inter nowadays is because I hate Jose Mourinho and I want to understand why Inter, with their mostly uninspiring squad achieves any success at all. I don't get it and it's almost as if every time I watch them play I get further and further from the answer.

11:00 am - Liverpool vs. Arsenal FSC
If you had forgotten, Arshavin scored four goals against this team in what was the most disappointing yet insignificant draw in Arsenal history. I expect a win and even though Torres will be back and will surely score a hat-trick, we should still win 5-3. This game is unfortunately somewhat irrelevant since the season will be decided for Arsenal come January 27th, when they play, in order, Aston Villa, Manchester United, Chelsea and Liverpool. I am not looking forward to that.

Enjoy the weekend.




*From left to right; David Lloyd (Britain), Vittorio Orlando (Italy), George Clemenceau (France) and Woody Wilson (USA). The beauty of this photo, also coined, "The Big Four," is that Arsenal is clearly Clemenceau, Man Utd Woodrow, Chelsea Lloyd, though those two can be interchanged, and Vittorio, Liverpool, is trying to stay relevant even then. I think we know how this story ends. I feel like I've written this before...

Why I've Been Absent

Juan called me out the other day, and it's totally true: I've been nothing but a big fat dead carcass when it comes to this blog. I'm the Lucas to his Gerrard, the Diaby to his Fabregas. His shoulders should ache from carrying me on his back, and his lungs must hurt from all the disappointed sighs he must emit when he opens this blog and finds that SURPRISE! I have haven't added a single thing to it.

So let me go ahead and give the reasons why I've been absent, in no particular order.

1) I'm scared to jinx things. And by "things," I mean "Arsenal." Because I haven't felt this good about the team since the beginning of the 2007-2008 season. And before that (dare I say it?): 2004. I love the way they're playing: I love the swagger, I love the focus, I love how Vermaelen looks like evil Jude Law, I love the minimalist Fabregas goal-celebrations (taking a page out of Mr. Henry's book, of course, but then cutting loose for the one against Spurs, which I also love), I love Arsene trying to keep the team off everyone's radar, I love Gallas burying his crazy and performing like the world class defender he obviously thinks he is, I love the squad depth, and most of all, I love the football. Arsene says that soccer can be art, and if that's true, we're painting Picasso's on an almost weekly basis. So yeah, I didn't want to jinx any of that.

2) The Serie A is simply failing to capture my attention. In every single way. And maybe that's not fair, but let's see: Roma is pretty awful, Inter is winning the league despite not looking all that dominant, Juve are chasing, Fiorentina and Milan are in the mix. Are we sure they're not just rerunning last season and changing the names of the relegated teams for TV purposes? Juan, I'm relying on you to explain to me why I should care about a league that is falling behind the other two in the Big Three (and David Trezeguet's infectious smile after scoring goals is not a legitimate reason, though it is totally awesome). What (and who) should I be watching? Pato? Gilardino? Juve, after their big win over Atalanta? I need guidance here.

3) I'm waiting to see if Real Madrid's Galacticos will get worse. Because when they hit rock bottom (if this wasn't it, already), that's when I'll devote an entire page of this blog to my cackling, gleeful rants about how and why that team will never win anything.

4) The Pub. Instead of watching matches at home (or when I was employed, at work, but I'd never do that obviously) and then being able to immediately blog about it, I've been spending too much time at the Amsterdam Tavern. When I come home, fat and happy, full of donuts and Guinness (properly poured) for breakfast, all I want to do is take a nap. And when I wake, I've forgotten all the astute observations that I made about the games when I was watching. Things like "OHH WHY DIDN'T HE PASS THAT?" or "OHHHH! OHHHHH! THAT'S A F---ING AMAZING GOAL!" These are the kind of observations, yelled at a decibel level only reached with the assistance of alcohol, with bits of blueberry cake donut sputtering from my mouth, that make me such a respected and valued customer at the Amsterdam Tavern.

Yeah, that's about it. But to conclude: I will be posting more. I'm like Adebayor - just when you think you hate me and I'm worthless, I'll go on a phenomenal scoring run. (But inevitably, after I've convinced you that I'm a world class striker, I'll go back to being useless and in fact quite easy to hate.) Right.

Welcome Back David Trezeguet

He's been back since September 12th but yesterday, with his late goal against Genoa, he debuted his trademark joy (pictured).


Juventus 2, Tasty Salami 2

The match started off with a bang after Camorenesi dummied a cross to an overlapping Vincenzo who struck well from outside the box. It was the type of play that pays homage to The Beautiful Game and its always nice to see Iaquinta on the score sheet. What was set out to be a trap game was on pace to end 15-nil and I thought, "what a shame to watch a record-setting match on a grainy, small, frustrating feed."

If you didn't know, Juventus made some very relevant transfers this off-season and while Diego, Felipe Melo, and Cannavaro may steal the headlines, the best one of them all was the acquisition of Fabio Grosso from Lyon. He needs no introduction, of course, but it is worth noting that he replaced my arch-rival and nemesis-till-death, Molinaro. And if you're not that familiar with Juventus, that's like replacing Nicklas Bendtner with Fernando Torres.

Before I forget, another hilariously pleasing signing resulted in Uruguayan Martin Caceres joining the Old Lady - seen here about to carefully end another man's career. The website mentions a tradition of Uruguayan players joining Juventus and at first I thought that pretty awesome until I realized these are the men responsible for my impending nervous breakdown. Caceres is only 22 and yes, he is a very promising Uruguayan defender. Which is to say, he's extremely rare. Here's to wishing him a long and prosperous career at La Juve and more importantly, la Selecion.

In fact, Uruguayan nationals keep popping up all over the place lately. I watched the Real Madrid v Villareal match just the other day and who do I see but two Uruguayans, Eguren and Diego Godin. The best part about that video is that Carlos Tevez, who's knows Godin well, gives him a cheap shot and it's Eguren that confronts him with a sarcastic, he's not really hurt but you're the exact same asshole I remember you as, lecture. Anyway, moving right along.

It's after half-time at this point, all knotted up at 1's. Juventus lacks the final pass during attacking plays to lead to any relevant chances on goal. When Juventus struggles it's because the midfielders play long-balls over the top rather than use the fullbacks for a slower build-up. It sort of comes with the territory in the Serie A. Not soon after a seemingly innocuous run down the sideline for the Cured Meat suddenly turns malicious and a header is smashed home near post. I'm listening to the Italian announcers and could have sworn I heard the name Crespo.

This sends me scrambling to Gamecast, that pathetic excuse for following a game and I see H. Crespo has apparently scored. No, now I know I'm crazy. Hernan Crespo? Yes, it is. The man who could never quite fill the shoes of Gabriel Batitusta (could anyone) is on loan at Genoa. Not only that, he just put them ahead. Daggers - 76'.

Then Iaquinta scores - disallowed dubiously for offsides. Then Chiellini scores - disallowed dubiously for offsides. Am I witnessing a scandal? The replay shows Trezeguet, who flicked it up for Giorgio, onside by a full two yards. What's going on here?

I'm irate until, yep, David Trezeguet scores the equilizer and follows up with his spot-on impression of the happiest man on earth. The smile is contagious and just like that I'm ok with 1 point.

Welcome back David. I've missed you.
(actual game photo -->)

Game Notes

I have some catching up to do.

Chelsea 1, Aston Villa 0
This is the beginning of Villa's brutal schedule. To their credit they do have quite the Nelly feat. Kelly Rowland. They need to balance the Uefa Cup this year and try to maintain a top 4 table position for the Champions League next year. If you're thinking they can do both then you're kidding yourself so throw that out the window. And while it may seem like a no-brainer to go for the Champions League qualifying spot, ask Arsenal and Chelsea what its like to go for the glory and get nothing in return. Moreover, it feels odd for a team such as Aston Villa to blow off the Uefa Cup when they've showed such patience to get here in the first place. The unfortunate fact for them is that it appears they're trying to do both and again, only those bastards at Manchester United have that kind of depth.

Aside - I just read a poorly written story on soccernet (shocking, I know) about Rooney calling for the quadruple. It made me nauseated for two reasons. The first is that I throw around "quadruple" when I'm drunk at parties and trying to instigate belligerance. The second is that United are one game (Carling), one formality (the League now that Liverpool lost again), one repeat (The Chammmmmpions) and a lucky draw (the FA cup) from actually succeeding. That sentence was very wordy but I'm trying to say that they're very, very close to making this happen. I'm talking about the quadruple here folks and I'm not drunk nor trying to instigate a fight. Sick to my stomach indeed.

Anyway, I turned on this game (Aston Villa-Chelsea if I've lost you with my ramblings) in the 60th minute and hear from the announcers that a, "superb finish" from Anelka has Chelsea on top. Ugh. I go to 101greatgoals.com just to see it and I guess it was alright. This is of course after Jim just credited Anelka and I conceded mentally to his current EPL prowess. Double sigh. 1-nil against Aston, great! Yikes, did I really think that? I did. I even talked about how bad it feels to root against Villa later that day with Jim. Whatever, when they had chances I still instinctually wanted them to level.

Chelsea holds on and I promise that an Arsenal win will justify my elitism. Segway.


Arsenal 0, Sunderland 0
The debut of my obsession, my hope, my light, Andrei Arshavin. 10 minutes in Arshavin cuts in from the corner of the box and rips a venemous shot. It was saved without too much glamour but I get goosebumps when I see the replay and imagine what could have been. Wait a second? Did Arshavin just shoot the ball? I'm sure that will be corrected by Wenger soon enough. No shooting allowed on this squad, more on this later. I continue to gush over every pass and to my credit, he does pass a really nice ball. Always well weighted. Wenger takes him out at the 61st minute - I knew Arsene wouldn't give me 90 but I'm just being emotional now - and I finally blink. On my way back down to earth I realize that hey, it's nil-nil and we kinda, wait, really need these three points. No need to fear, Nicklas Bendtner is in. That is to say, clearly this game ends 0-0. I sign on to TLOCA and see that we have a comment! I poop my pants a little when I see that someone has commented on the blog. It's Jake, he's rubbing in Arsenal's "typical" performance. The timestamp is 30 seconds after Arsenal finished nil-nil... bastard.


Manchester United 2, Blackburn 1
For not so subtle reasons whenever Arsenal fails to produce I find myself watching United. I make lunch when Rooney gets his gift, of course, United gets all the breaks. But wait, Roque Santa Cruz breaks through and ends United's stupid clean sheet streak. Finally! I was getting really tired of reading about it. Plus VanDerSar annoys me.

Cristiano stands over a free kick and I think to myself, hmm, its been awhile since he's scored a spot kick. He does just that and I text Jim angrily. It's just the goal they need and right at the time when you need it - before the 65th minute in the 2nd half of a tie game. I fully expect this game to finish 4-1 now but no, just 2-1.

Juventus 2, Palermo 0
If you're keeping count at home this has been an ideal Saturday. Arsenal at 10, United at 12:30, Juve at 2:30 with a Chelsea-Villa appetizer.

Momo Sissoko smashes home an outrageous give-and-go and this gets my blood moving. Italian soccer is easier to watch. It just is. Think Lost vs. Arrested Development. Both enjoyable shows but one a comedy and the other a drama. I can't believe I failed to mention this is Trezeguet's first start since his knee injury. An ideal Saturday indeed because Treze scores from an Amauri cross, seals the deal and I catch him joyously screaming at some fans. I like David.

Maryland 82, North Carolina 80
Bitch holler. Bring back miss Shiavo for one more go. 4-8 against RPI-top50. 2 wins against top 5 opponents. If they beat NC State and Virginia and don't get blown out at Wake, one win in the conference tourney and I have them in. And a streaky 10 seed they will be.

Liverpool 1, Manchester Citeh 1
Citeh is a dangerous team in a schizophrenic sort of way. I went to a conference on societal stigma towards mental health issues the other week and I'm sorry that I just associated schizophrenia to danger but come on.

I check the headline on soccernet for some sensationalized analysis and they don't let me down, "Liverpool title hopes crushed." Have I mentioned that I hate soccernet? Anyways, yeah, Liverpool probably can't afford to leave points on the pitch anymore. Is anyone really surprised? I know Ben isn't here to defend Liverpool but seriously, nobody actually thought they would hold off United did they? The Premiership was decided once United beat Chelsea 3-zip in January. Over, done, lets not talk about it anymore.

The Champions League is next. I go pee a little bit whenever I think about Tuesday/Wedensday. Just a little bit. Like a drop of pee squeezes out. Yay!

Serie A Wrap-up With Some Biscotti and Italian Love Cake

Let me first begin with the fact that Italian Love Cake is a real dessert. For some reason I can see that being integral to a Luca Toni pickup line.

This is the end of the Serie A wrap up with the final five teams. All of these teams are relevant to some degree (in reverse order again).

AC Milan - 18 wins, 10 losses, 10 draws, 64 points. Where to start... where to start... Clarence Seerdorf sucks. Of course he has some shining moments, he's a professional footballer, but for this team and possibly Italian soccer in general, he's no good. How do I know? For starters his best games, which for me are still mostly unimpressive, are in the Champions League (this must be why people think he's good). And after watching at least 15 Milan games, the two I witnessed without Seerdorf is when the Rossinerri were at their finest.

Then there is Andre Pirlo, or I should say, the exhausted cadaver formerly known as Andre Pirlo. His freekicks have been generally bad if not completely terrible at times. His turnovers are evident and his transitions are slow. The man looks exhausted and he is not the same. Watch his game against Arsenal and you'll call 911... or whatever it is in Italy (thanks to Sept 11th its impossible to find on google).

Then there is Kaka. Something isn't quite right with Brasilians these days. Ronaldo got extorted by transvestites, Ninho is unhappy at Barca for some reason unbeknownst to me, Dunga has openly said he does not prefer older players (he means 24 and older here), Anderson can't close his mouth when he plays (pictured), Romario thinks he's better than Pele??? and their U-20 team could probably win the World Cup right now. The same goes for Kaka but in a different way. It used to be that I had never seen him make a mistake, and after seeing like... 2 mistakes this year, something must be wrong.

Inzaghi has been fun to watch but I think everyone agrees its time for him to part ways with AC Milan and come to the MLS. Same goes for Ambrosini.

If you aren't convinced by Alexander the Duck yet it's probably because the Champions League announcers ripped on him unjustly all game. He infused energy into this dying team and in the middle of the season he turned them around.

If this seems like rambling you're absolutely right. AC needs a complete makeover. Keep Kaka, Pato, Gilardino, Nesta, and Gattuso (if you can, he'll be gone though) and get rid of the rest. Especially Kalac, who sucks, and Dida (see Kalac).
So far their first move - signing Flamini is a great start. If they can snag Ninho they'll be gravy. As a Juventude I wouldn't mind AC rebuilding for 2 years but something tells me that won't happen.
Enjoy the Uefa cup this year boys.

And no, I don't mean that.

Fiorentina - 19 wins, 10 losses, 9 draws, 66 points. What a fiesty team. Their loses were against Inter (2), Lazio (2), Milan, Udinese, Roma, Napoli, Cagliari, Palermo (once each). Yep, Juve wasn't on that list (sonsabitches) and really there are only 3 "bad" losses on that list and those are outnumbered by "good" wins. The resume only gets better - they made it to the semis in the Uefa Cup beating some legit squads along the way and eventually lost to the Rangers in PKs. This a young upstart team that developed well. Expect them to be around for awhile and then for their good players to be bought.

Juventus - 20 wins, 6 losses, 12 draws, 72 points. Their loses - Udinese, Napoli, Reggina, Fiorentina, Palermo, Siena. The Siena one was at the end of the season when they had secured third so that one doesn't count. Palermo absolutely stunned/outplayed/raped us and Fiorentina similar. Udinese and Napoli were unacceptable. The problem with this team as you can see is not the losses, but the draws. This tends to be the case for a top 3 team (see: Arsenal).
Unacceptable draws: Cagliari, Sampdoria, and Catania. To be fair, Juventus had a pretty good Serie A. Coppa Italia hurt and the lack of Champions League (after The Scandal) hurt as well.
I really wish we had gunned for Roma a bit more and earned an Auto-qualifying spot instead of the opposite of that.

I have alot of worries for next year. Quickly - Nedved faded hard, Tiago is a huge maybe, Sissoko improved every game but was it because we said we would listen to offers?, Del Piero can't possibly produce like he did and Buffon carried us way way too much for comfort. Molinaro, my nemesis, we must replace. Our defense as a unit came around but my goodness they looked shaky at the start of the season.

What I'm not worried about: Our forwards, Iaquinta, Palladino, Trezegol. Camoranesi, Legrottaglie, Chellini, Grygera, Buffon.

Where I would love an upgrade: wing back (Molinotgood), attacking center mid (Tiago? Nedved? do we even have an attacking center mid?) and we could use a slightly better wing mid (Salihamidzic - who I like but still).

Roma - 24 wins, 4 losses, 10 draws, 82 points. Their losses - Inter, Juventus, AC Milan, Napoli. None of those are bad losses. In fact, I think this team really over-achieved this year. Totti was not the ridiculous force he used to be, Vucinic was very on/off and underused, Taddei I think is terrible and the same goes for Mancini. Guily, who I think is quite good, was underused as well. I really don't know how they scored any goals at all. Their defense and defensive midfield is world class though: Mexes, Panucci, Juan, Cicinho, Cassetti, and De Rossi held this team together.
Roma essentially chose the Champions League over the Scudetto - like most teams - and came out with nothing - like most teams not Manchester United. It's almost a shame how one's own league title doesn't mean as much as it should.

Roma has one more game of interest in the Coppa Italia Final and it should be a classic. Both Inter and Roma are looking for some sort of validation and because the Coppa is not all that important both teams should come out firing.

Inter Milan - don't let the media confuse you, this team was never actually vulnerable. They had 3 losses all year. Three. Tre. They were: Juventus, AC Milan and Napoli. They had 85 points and a plus 43 goal differential. Plus forty three. This squad went wire to wire and didn't lose until their 25th game. The Dragon just wanted you to think you could catch it. Go ahead, try and catch it.

Twins

Every person's goal in life should be finding whatever it is that gives him the above facial expression. For David Trezeguet, this is that thing:



In a season full of insane twists and turns, this last weekend provided some of the biggest. I can't speak for Juan, but I know I'll need another day before I start analyzing. So more tomorrow, then.

Juventus

Weekend Preview

But first, a message from our sponsor.

Alright, then. With two of the three league leaders in turmoil (Inter's midweek draw against Roma has them virtually locked up), things have gotten really interesting in the big leagues of Europe. Let's see what fresh disturbances this weekend can bring...

REINO DE ESPAÑA

Atletico Madrid (4th) vs. Barcelona (2nd). In the span of two weeks, the La Liga race has been almost completely turned on its head. Everyone (including me) was calling this one over as Real Madrid opened up a massive lead over a seemingly disinterested Barca. Now, that lead has been cut to two points. Los Blancos can't seem to win a game, even losing at home to Getafe (see Juan's hilarious post) and are now without master poacher van Nistelrooy. Barca, meanwhile, are really feeling it. They're on a good winning streak now, putting 5 past Levante over the weekend and beating Celtic in the CL, a notoriously difficult side to break down at Parkside. However, this weekend their job gets a little harder. The other Madrid side are certainly no pushovers, and wunderkind Sergio Aguero (Juan loves Quaresma like I love Aguero... I think he's my favorite relatively unknown superstar*) should return to partner Forlan up front.

The verdict: Now is Barca's time. Everyone is back healthy and seems to be finding their form. Even on the road, I think we'll see a strong performance from them. Atletico's major weakness is in the midfield, and they may have to start unproven seventeen year old Ignacio Camacho at CM thanks to poor performances from their regulars. With potent attackers all over the field, Barca should be able to net a couple before Atletico break through for a consolation. Los Indios 1 - 2 Los Awesome-O's.

REPUBBLICA ITALIANA

Juventus (3rd) vs. Fiorentina (4th). Fiorentina were lucky to have lowly Livorno sandwiched between this game and their heartbreaking 1-0 loss to Roma (keeper Sebastien Frey's face at 0:38 says it all). A get-healthy win against Livorno put them in the fourth spot, but AC Milan were running them down like a San Francisco tiger before being held by Catania. Now, they'll be very hard pressed to stay up there with a trip to the Stadio Olimpico to play Juventus. What will give them hope is that the Bianconeri haven't really been in great form lately. After beating Roma at home, they lost at Reggina, one of the league's worst sides, and then were unable to break down a stubborn Torino defense despite several good chances.

The verdict: What gives Juventus the edge in this match, and AC Milan hope for fourth, is the absence of star striker Adrian Mutu, who twisted his knee in the match against Roma. His goals to league games ratio was 2 to 3 (!), so without him, where will Fiorentina find the net? The answer is "not against Buffon." People are expecting a thriller, but I see a tight contest with a defensive error perhaps making the difference. Italy's Girlfriend 1 - 0 Italy's Purple-Clad, Frenchy-Symbol-Wearing Boyfriend.

ENGLAND

Arsenal (1st) vs. Aston Villa (6th). It's been a rough couple weeks for the Gunners. It all started with the spanking at the hands of Man U in the FA Cup, and culminated with a draw snatched from the jaws of victory against Birmingham. Along the way, they teased their London supporters with a dominant yet goalless display against AC Milan, and lost their "fox in the box" to a horrendous season-ending injury. United are now three points back, and the margin of error is razor thin. Meanwhile, Villa, since losing to Fulham at the beginning of the month, have gotten back on track. They easily dispatched horrendous Newcastle (England's new points ATM) and then went to work with a businesslike win over Reading. Ashley Young and Gabriel Agbonlahor remain a quick and deadly threat on the wings, especially when allowed to send in crosses for increasingly dangerous striker John Carew.

The verdict: Oh man, this is a tough one. Villa have been very solid all season and are currently level on points with Liverpool, which gives one an idea of their competitiveness. In their last meeting at Villa Park, Arsenal surrendered an early goal before scoring two and absolutely tearing their competition apart... for the remainder of the first half. In the second, they had to fight for their lives not to lose the lead. Of course, they're at home this time around, but can they turn the emotional experiences of last week to their advantage? Mathieu Flamini thinks they can, and the last time he played Villa, he scored a screamer. Since he's the new Gattuso, I'll set aside my fears of a draw for now. Gooners 2 - 1 Villans.


*Aguero, being short of stature, quick, Argentinian, and possessed of an eye for goal, has often been called the next Maradona. Thus making him one of at least three "next Maradona's" currently tearing it up in Europe.

What A Week

Champions League First Leg Recap

Arsenal 1 - AC Milan 0

It was a hard fought game with the Gunners moving the ball around nicely. Milan's staunch defense seemed as if it would never crack but finally Theo Walcott put a pristine cross on the head of Adebayor (who else, right) who buried the empty netter in stoppage time to give Arsenal a valuable 1 goal lead heading into San Siro.


Liverpool 0 - Nazionale 0

Materazzi anchored a solid Inter defense that turned away Liverpool when opportunities presented themselves. Inter's offensive flood labored some at Anfield but returning home without giving up any unnecessary goals away should pay dividends for them in the second leg. Pool proved that you can't just try really hard when it matters and see results.


Manchester United 0 - Lyon 1

Young French firecracker Benzema showed that even ManU can't overcome talent. Lyon stayed patient on defense and kept some offensive mindset to keep ManU honest. Maintaining that attacking mentality proved well instead of cramming the box with defenders against ManU's offensivibility (offense and inevitability) to hold Chester 1 nil. This result gives Lyon hope as they did not give up the often pivotal goal at home.


Premier League Recap

Arsenal 3 - Birmingham City 1

The bad news is that Eduardo has a high ankle sprain and will be out 6-8 weeks. The good news is that Theo Walcott came in and propelled the gunners to a two-one lead before Adebayor (will he ever slow down?) put the baby to sleep and assured Arsenal of three important points in the scorching race for the Premiership.

Man Utd 2 - NewCastle 1

The Treble got caught score watching and struggled their way to victory against the Magpies. NewCastle after their first drubbing (6 nil) against Manchester made the necessary adjustments and almost held off United before finally conceding a late goal to Cristiano Ronaldo. Roonaldy (Cristi and Wayne) played uninspired and are officially slumping.


Serie A Recap

Juventus 2 - Reggina 1

Juventus established their win last week over Roma as no fluke by beating lowly Reggina the next week. With no Champions League or Coppa Italia to distract them anymore (or ever) Juve can concentrate on the Serie A and work hard to earn the coveted 2nd place finish in the Serie A. Trezeguet took his flu shot in October of last year so that silly things like sickness wouldn't hamper his starts. The inoculation proved effective as he was on the pitch to score the game winner late and in dramatic fashion to keep Juve threatening.

The Return of the Power Dozen

Here's to a great jinx! (Hold up shot glass, shoots self in head)

1) Inter - I've decided their recent "struggles" - which oh by the way include no losses - are due to Mancini experimenting with team chemistry. I admit that their dominance turned into this aura where I expected to tune in and see Inter hog-tying opponents and shooting wildly in the air. Turns out they just win and have fun while doing it.

2) Arsenal - My only reservation (I was gonna put them #1) was that they did all this benefiting while all the elephants were gone. Props to Egypt for taking the tragically unwatched African Nations Cup. I'll make sure to watch in two years.

3) Real Madrid - I had the pleasure of watching Real touchdown on Villanotasreal. Before this game I would have dropped them a spot, but with Robben clicking, Jim is right - they're legit.

4) Manchester United - the Munich disaster indeed (too soon?... it happened 50 years ago damnt). Cristi was frustrated with Portugal losing to Italy and is trying to do too much. City caught some breaks too. I'm writing it off for the most part. And how about Man City earning 6 points from The Treble!

5) AS Roma - forget catching Inter, they need to stay afloat. They have a brutal February remaining and Juve could catch them if Juve would stop being awkward turtle.

6) Chelsea - they're Paul Wall on the grind. Avram Grant looks a little like that character from Ratatouille - a movie I thoroughly enjoyed.

7) Bayern Munich - Luca Toni missed a penalty and subsequently drew against Bremen. They've scored 14 in their last 4 though, so I think they'll be alright.

8) Porto - Dropped a game against Sporting Lisbon thus they drop a few spots. Quaresma watch: Apparently he's "earning" his starting spot on the wing over Sabrosa. The announcers think he played great, I've seen him play better, we'll see. Regardless, Scolari needs to find a spot for him.

9) Barcelona - Sorry, I still don't know what's wrong with them. I watched one game of theirs and it was snoozer. If I were a fan of this team I'd be so disgruntled.

10) Juventus - I find it comical that I picked* the Italian team that most resembles Uruguay's "I can score at any time ability" coupled with "the end result will inevitably frustrate you - even in a win." And comical like the way I would laugh after surviving a plane crash.

*That's not entirely true. My mother picked this team for me in a way by buying me a sick replica jersey. I blame you mother.

11) Rangers - Celtic seems poised to catch them. The headline, "Celtic destroys Dons."

12) Lyon - I'll soon be posting why you should hate France. Stay tuned.


Let me in now, let me in now. Bill Gates, Donald Trump, let me in now. Jim says...

I'm actually in total agreement with these rankings. Well done, Vincenzo. Just a few thoughts on the Top 5:

1) Internazionale - This is the sort of domination in a league we haven't seen since Arsenal 2003-2004. I'd also compare them to the Inter of last year, but that was with Juve in the minors and their other major rivals penalized for scandal. Now, Inter literally refuse to be defeated. They have complete and utter confidence that they will win every time they take the field, no matter the opposition. Of course, that's only in the Serie A. We'll see what kind of tricks Rafa has for them next week.

2) Arsenal - If anything, I feel that going top and staying there during the African Cup of Nations has been more to Arsenal's credit. No Toure, no Song, no diving, whining Eboue (OK, maybe that was actually helpful), but anyway, you get the point.

3) Real Madrid - Guti's healthy again (and just dropped a deuce on fake Real), so that's another weapon they can throw in there. Be skurred.

4) Manchester United - Juan, it's always too soon for a club that takes itself as seriously as this one. Highlights from last week include Ferguson's complaint about seven (completely deserved, and he's lucky there weren't more) yellow cards for his team against Tottenham, and now the twin excuses for defeat of playing the Manchester Derby during the anniversary of the disaster and having players tired after the International Break. Waah.

5) AS Roma - What happened against Siena? Truly a nightmare for them, and they probably should have dropped in these rankings, but everyone else has been pretty mediocre. They Juveniled against Reggina, though, so they're still (numerically) in the hunt. Totti needs to find his form soon, though, because they've got Madrid in the CL.

PS: I think I know why Juan thinks you should hate France. I'll give everyone a hint: starts with a D, believes obsessively in astrology, and in the past six years has made horrible decisions regarding selection for a certain national team.

Europe's Power Dozen

Here at The Legend of Carl Awesome, we encourage discussion and debate. Therefore, both of us have created our own power rankings and explanations. This way you don't have one list to disagree with, but two. Enjoy.

The key - as apparently Firefox doesn't recognize arrows, is blue = on the upswing, orange = on the downswing, black = steady as expected

Jim's List

1) Internazionale. Everyone in Serie A is left chasing the dragon as Inter romp through the league. Of course, their annual Champions League choke is just around the corner.

2) Manchester United. Anyone (I'm looking at you, Arsenal) who saw their recent display against Newcastle should be very afraid. Very, very afraid.

3) Real Madrid. Two words: Iker Casillas. Apologies to Petr and Gigi, but on current form he's the best keeper in the world.

4) Arsenal. Wenger just took responsibility for the home draw against Birmingham. Without a convincing win on Saturday at Fulham, this team might start questioning itself.

5) Roma. They're keeping pace, Mancini is close to a new deal, and Totti is back from injury and scoring. Can't really ask for much more.

6) Chelsea. Avram Grant claims that his Chelsea are more entertaining than Mourinho's. Which is absurd. That being said, they're right in the mix and signing Anelka will be a huge boost for this team.

7)4Barcelona. Blinded by the lineup? So what if I am. They're within striking distance and just edged past Sevilla in the Copa del Rey. (Also, has anyone seen this? How would they ever select a team??)

8) Bayern Munich. Locked up with Werder Bremen in a fierce battle for the Bundesliga. No Champions League, though, so who have they played? Off the field, you've got the possibility of losing Podolski to Man City. Oh, and Liverpool might be trying to steal Klinsmann for '08. Yikes.

9) Porto. A convincing 4-0 victory over Braga widens their lead in the Portuguese League to 11 points over Benfica. The most important word in that sentence? Portuguese.

10) Lyon. Dominating a weak Ligue 1, even by recent standards. Juninho has been in fine form, and Benzema is an excellent young talent, but we'll really see what this team is made of when they face Man U in the Champions League.

11) Juventus. See Juan's most recent post for the details of their thrilling win over Empoli. Though it was the Italian Cup, it's sure to be a motivator. Also, David Trezeguet can't stop scoring.

12)4Rangers. Cruising the SPL. Smacked down rivals Celtic earlier in the season. The only knock on them at the moment is their failure to qualify for the CL knockouts.

Juan's list

1) Internazionale Roma and Juventus are currently playing this game.

2) Manchester United The addition of Tevez is like giving the Crips hollow points.

3) Real Madrid They seem quiet this year. Gut-check games upcoming against Atletico and Roma in the Champions League.

4) Arsenal It won't take much to convince me, but Jim's right, I do need convincing after a complacent draw to Birmingham. I'm most interested in the upcoming Newcastle, Man City, AC Milan games.

5) AS Roma Febuary will be murderer's row and reality check time for Roma who will face Juventus, Real Madrid, and Inter Milan.

6) Porto I ranked them so high because I respect Portuguese soccer and I think they have the best unknown player in the world in Quaresma. They're cleaning up in their league and need to show me something great against Shalke 04 in the Champions to keep them here.

7) Bayern Munich I also respect German soccer as well as Miroslave Klose.

8) Chelsea I read the story of Drogba asking to play next to Eto'o in sheer horror. To me that would be like taking a hit of cocaine while skydiving.

9) Barcelona Something is wrong with this team. I honestly don't know what it is yet but I'm on it.

10) Juventus They stole a point from Catania that they didn't deserve and thoroughly convinced me they can score if they really have to against Empoli. The defense looks really shaky and I'm worried. They can't really afford mistakes until Febuary 17th when they face Roma - the breaker.

11) Rangers This spot is certainly up for grabs. The Rangers have a perfectly manageable schedule to hold off the Celts. We'll all see if they can finish strong.

12) Lyon I'll go ahead and use this space to vent that I hate Domenech. That is all.

Coppa Italia: Juventus vs. Empoli 2nd leg

1st leg results. Empoli 2 Juventus 0
Juventus with the aggregate must win 2 nil to tie and force Pks or any margin higher scoring than that to win outright.

Relevant starters

Juventus
Nedved, Iaquinta. An argument can be made for Tiago. Buffon, Del Piero, Trezegol not playing.

Empoli
N/A (Vannuchi, honorable mention)


Notable game moments

3' - Nedved puts a great chip in and the resultant cross is broken up.

4' - Marchioni receives a cross on his chest, finds some wheels into the box, cuts his defender at full speed and buries it left footed middle left side netting. 1-0 Juventus. At first the cut didn't look graceful as the defender got a little piece, but the slow motion showed how Marchioni was clever to get the cut off at all. Well done sir.


The boys look much better than they did already against Catalina (drew 1-1). I wish I had typed that before the goal, but still.

10' - Marchioni (again, hmmm) with a low cross in. Keeper misplays the cross outside the six, deflection to the middle of the top of the box where Pavel's long blonde locks of love wait to place it in. 2-0 Juventus.

It's weird to think, but it's almost too early to announce that the rout is on because they're on pace to finish 18-0. With all the corruption recently surrounding Italian soccer, I'm praying that doesn't happen.

15' - I just noticed the stands. It looks like a Florida Marlins game in June
17' - Pavel gets a ball dropped back and blasts it wide (nog).
21' - Corner kick Juve. Nedved contested header caught.
25' - Top of the box, an Empolian rips a volley from a cross one-time right into the keeper. Anywhere else and it's on Sportscenter.

26' - Marchioni (hmmmm) heel flicks in the box to Tiago running on. First touch is heavy and the shot is suffocated by the out-coming keeper. Good save.

28' - Camera shows three Italians and they are visibly soaking wet. I know it's not raining but I actually wondered for a moment.

30' - Marchioni (clearly feeling snubbed by me) crosses in to a diving header by Iaquinta (nog).

33' - Fudge. Antonini slides and buries a cross just inside the near post. No chance for the keeper or defender, fantastic cross. 2-1 Juventus still.

36' - Jeff walks in, sees the replay and asks, "Is it raining?" Not making that up.

38' - Antonini, 4 on 3, screws it up. No threat in the end.
40' - Pavel with speed, splits three dudes and is dragged down 5 meters outside the box. Free-kick hits wall.

44' - Marchioni (alright already!) crosses to Pavel's feet. He was running free and his shot his blocked. Rebound bounces around and eventually Pavel pokes it over onto the top of the net. He seems upset about the missed opportunity.

46' - F*&^!! Empolian crosses at the flag to another effing Empolian who elevates and heads it past the goalie. 2-2 Empoli. Recall Buffon is not starting and other-guy couldn't make up his mind. A good header, but it should have never gotten to him.

Half. To say it was entertaining is to sell it short. Effing hell though, Juve looks (and empirically so) weak through the air. The announcers indicated earlier that Treze-answer is available as a sub. We'll see if he comes in. This is getting long so for the second half I'll just summarize goal scoring plays and the half in general. This is supposed to be shorter, but we'll see. As you can read above, Juve has had more chances, many more in fact, so the final should be 4-2 good guys. Marchionni's first half earned him this picture of him.

50' - Holla! Iaquinta from a quick restart on a free kick rips a bouncing ball cross body and cross defender past the goalie far post. 3-2 Juventus

52' - Omfg. 3-3 Empoli. Recall Juventus needs to win by 2 goals to avoid elimination. We lost 2 nil earlier. As you can see the events of this 2nd leg are ridiculous. Eff.

61' - Iaquinta! Iaquinta! Iaquinta! Bouncing ball from a corner, he tucks away the rebound. I think I'm going to have a heart attack. The small crowd suddenly seems 80-strong singing and yelling wildly. The laptop is no longer on my lap for fear of breaking it.

63' - Header just wide. An amazing chance. Trezeguet is likely not coming on say the announcers... we'll see. If this crowd stays in it til the 80th and starts chanting his name, tell me again he's not coming in. He's not hurt.

65' - Del Piero. The captain. The genius. That Fire jogs onto the pitch to a roar from the crowd.

77' - PENALTY. Iaquinta cuts his man just inside the top of the box (after a great play by Nedved with speed), pulls back about to kill the hopes and dreams of every Empolian and gets tripped. THAT FIRE! finishes easily 5-3 Juventus. Holy crap. I need a moment. They lead 6-5 on aggregate now. Empoli must score or they're eliminated. The announcer exclaims that this is the best match he's called. I believe him.

83' - Giveaway from Empoli, Del Piero all alone with the keeper. He tries. to chip. the keeper. nog. I really, really hope that doesn't come back to burn.

4 minutes of stoppage...

90 seconds...

There it is! The final whistle! Juventus is through to the quarters. My goodness.