Since I Did It Yesterday

I might as well do it again. But I don't want really want to...














OK, Porto vs. Arsenal. [Highlight links to follow]

Porto 1 - 0 Arsenal. What. The. Hell. I honestly don't know what to do about our goalkeeping situation. Cesc said it all: "schoolboy goals." If I had my way, Fabianski would never, ever play for Arsenal again. I'm sorry, but he's simply not good enough to be the #2 for this team, let alone #3. Or #4. Or the personal shopper for Nicklas Bendtner. As I was watching the goals he conceded today, I felt like Buster at the 5:30 mark of this episode. (Lots of effort, I know, but it's worth it.) Last season, he singlehandedly knocked us out of the running for a trophy. Does anyone remember this? My God. I just hope he hasn't done it again, but to be fair, if we can't beat Porto at home, we don't deserve to advance. So that's that.

Porto 1 - 1 Arsenal. Perfectly executed. Porto's defending wasn't great, so that helps, but there's not a lot you can do when a corner is worked as well as that. Back post to Rosicky, straight to Campbell, and hey presto, welcome back Sol!

Porto 2 - 1 Arsenal. See commentary for first goal. Although for this one, a few small shares of blame parceled out to referee Martin Hansson (seriously, dude?), and Sol for not just kicking the ball away and taking a yellow or doing that annoying thing where you stand in front of the ball. Come on guys.

All in all, a pretty awful game to watch. Porto played good attacking football, and Arsenal matched them for it in the first half. I honestly thought we'd take it to them and win in the second. But oh well. Also, they were kicking the hell out of Cesc. And though I can't really blame them for taking that approach, I can certainly hate them for it. Which I do.












Bayern Munich vs. Fiorentina.

Bayern 1 - 0 Fiorentina. Weirdness. Uh, advantage? Bayern were rightfully furious. If that penalty were saved, the ensuing drama would have been priceless. Either way, really nice buildup; Robben is fantastic at the moment.

Bayern 1 - 1 Fiorentina. Shambolic.

Bayern 2 - 1 Fiorentina. Yeah... so, was there some sort of bet you could place on both CL games finishing with this scoreline and both awful referees being awful?* Because if there were, the fix was totally in. The red card that came in the period before this goal I can kind of comprehend. The elbow was high and it looked like it was deliberately aimed at Robben's throat. On replay, it's a yellow, though. As for the goal itself... that is the most offside goal I have ever seen allowed. That's all I have to say about that.

* Can someone please explain to me how Martin Hansson and Tom Henning Øvrebø (you like that?) still have their jobs? Hansson missed the most obvious and controversial handball since Maradona. Øvrebø absolutely jobbed Chelsea out of a deserved spot in the CL final last year (don't get me wrong, I'm still laughing uproariously about that and I agree with this man that no es Andres Iniesta, es el Dios de la justicia del fútbol, but still, Chelsea got absolutely, completely, totally robbed - Didier was right). Well, at least having those two around keeps things interesting. And totally insane.

Serie A Wrap-up With Some Biscotti and Italian Love Cake

Let me first begin with the fact that Italian Love Cake is a real dessert. For some reason I can see that being integral to a Luca Toni pickup line.

This is the end of the Serie A wrap up with the final five teams. All of these teams are relevant to some degree (in reverse order again).

AC Milan - 18 wins, 10 losses, 10 draws, 64 points. Where to start... where to start... Clarence Seerdorf sucks. Of course he has some shining moments, he's a professional footballer, but for this team and possibly Italian soccer in general, he's no good. How do I know? For starters his best games, which for me are still mostly unimpressive, are in the Champions League (this must be why people think he's good). And after watching at least 15 Milan games, the two I witnessed without Seerdorf is when the Rossinerri were at their finest.

Then there is Andre Pirlo, or I should say, the exhausted cadaver formerly known as Andre Pirlo. His freekicks have been generally bad if not completely terrible at times. His turnovers are evident and his transitions are slow. The man looks exhausted and he is not the same. Watch his game against Arsenal and you'll call 911... or whatever it is in Italy (thanks to Sept 11th its impossible to find on google).

Then there is Kaka. Something isn't quite right with Brasilians these days. Ronaldo got extorted by transvestites, Ninho is unhappy at Barca for some reason unbeknownst to me, Dunga has openly said he does not prefer older players (he means 24 and older here), Anderson can't close his mouth when he plays (pictured), Romario thinks he's better than Pele??? and their U-20 team could probably win the World Cup right now. The same goes for Kaka but in a different way. It used to be that I had never seen him make a mistake, and after seeing like... 2 mistakes this year, something must be wrong.

Inzaghi has been fun to watch but I think everyone agrees its time for him to part ways with AC Milan and come to the MLS. Same goes for Ambrosini.

If you aren't convinced by Alexander the Duck yet it's probably because the Champions League announcers ripped on him unjustly all game. He infused energy into this dying team and in the middle of the season he turned them around.

If this seems like rambling you're absolutely right. AC needs a complete makeover. Keep Kaka, Pato, Gilardino, Nesta, and Gattuso (if you can, he'll be gone though) and get rid of the rest. Especially Kalac, who sucks, and Dida (see Kalac).
So far their first move - signing Flamini is a great start. If they can snag Ninho they'll be gravy. As a Juventude I wouldn't mind AC rebuilding for 2 years but something tells me that won't happen.
Enjoy the Uefa cup this year boys.

And no, I don't mean that.

Fiorentina - 19 wins, 10 losses, 9 draws, 66 points. What a fiesty team. Their loses were against Inter (2), Lazio (2), Milan, Udinese, Roma, Napoli, Cagliari, Palermo (once each). Yep, Juve wasn't on that list (sonsabitches) and really there are only 3 "bad" losses on that list and those are outnumbered by "good" wins. The resume only gets better - they made it to the semis in the Uefa Cup beating some legit squads along the way and eventually lost to the Rangers in PKs. This a young upstart team that developed well. Expect them to be around for awhile and then for their good players to be bought.

Juventus - 20 wins, 6 losses, 12 draws, 72 points. Their loses - Udinese, Napoli, Reggina, Fiorentina, Palermo, Siena. The Siena one was at the end of the season when they had secured third so that one doesn't count. Palermo absolutely stunned/outplayed/raped us and Fiorentina similar. Udinese and Napoli were unacceptable. The problem with this team as you can see is not the losses, but the draws. This tends to be the case for a top 3 team (see: Arsenal).
Unacceptable draws: Cagliari, Sampdoria, and Catania. To be fair, Juventus had a pretty good Serie A. Coppa Italia hurt and the lack of Champions League (after The Scandal) hurt as well.
I really wish we had gunned for Roma a bit more and earned an Auto-qualifying spot instead of the opposite of that.

I have alot of worries for next year. Quickly - Nedved faded hard, Tiago is a huge maybe, Sissoko improved every game but was it because we said we would listen to offers?, Del Piero can't possibly produce like he did and Buffon carried us way way too much for comfort. Molinaro, my nemesis, we must replace. Our defense as a unit came around but my goodness they looked shaky at the start of the season.

What I'm not worried about: Our forwards, Iaquinta, Palladino, Trezegol. Camoranesi, Legrottaglie, Chellini, Grygera, Buffon.

Where I would love an upgrade: wing back (Molinotgood), attacking center mid (Tiago? Nedved? do we even have an attacking center mid?) and we could use a slightly better wing mid (Salihamidzic - who I like but still).

Roma - 24 wins, 4 losses, 10 draws, 82 points. Their losses - Inter, Juventus, AC Milan, Napoli. None of those are bad losses. In fact, I think this team really over-achieved this year. Totti was not the ridiculous force he used to be, Vucinic was very on/off and underused, Taddei I think is terrible and the same goes for Mancini. Guily, who I think is quite good, was underused as well. I really don't know how they scored any goals at all. Their defense and defensive midfield is world class though: Mexes, Panucci, Juan, Cicinho, Cassetti, and De Rossi held this team together.
Roma essentially chose the Champions League over the Scudetto - like most teams - and came out with nothing - like most teams not Manchester United. It's almost a shame how one's own league title doesn't mean as much as it should.

Roma has one more game of interest in the Coppa Italia Final and it should be a classic. Both Inter and Roma are looking for some sort of validation and because the Coppa is not all that important both teams should come out firing.

Inter Milan - don't let the media confuse you, this team was never actually vulnerable. They had 3 losses all year. Three. Tre. They were: Juventus, AC Milan and Napoli. They had 85 points and a plus 43 goal differential. Plus forty three. This squad went wire to wire and didn't lose until their 25th game. The Dragon just wanted you to think you could catch it. Go ahead, try and catch it.

Weekend Preview

But first, a message from our sponsor.

Alright, then. With two of the three league leaders in turmoil (Inter's midweek draw against Roma has them virtually locked up), things have gotten really interesting in the big leagues of Europe. Let's see what fresh disturbances this weekend can bring...

REINO DE ESPAÑA

Atletico Madrid (4th) vs. Barcelona (2nd). In the span of two weeks, the La Liga race has been almost completely turned on its head. Everyone (including me) was calling this one over as Real Madrid opened up a massive lead over a seemingly disinterested Barca. Now, that lead has been cut to two points. Los Blancos can't seem to win a game, even losing at home to Getafe (see Juan's hilarious post) and are now without master poacher van Nistelrooy. Barca, meanwhile, are really feeling it. They're on a good winning streak now, putting 5 past Levante over the weekend and beating Celtic in the CL, a notoriously difficult side to break down at Parkside. However, this weekend their job gets a little harder. The other Madrid side are certainly no pushovers, and wunderkind Sergio Aguero (Juan loves Quaresma like I love Aguero... I think he's my favorite relatively unknown superstar*) should return to partner Forlan up front.

The verdict: Now is Barca's time. Everyone is back healthy and seems to be finding their form. Even on the road, I think we'll see a strong performance from them. Atletico's major weakness is in the midfield, and they may have to start unproven seventeen year old Ignacio Camacho at CM thanks to poor performances from their regulars. With potent attackers all over the field, Barca should be able to net a couple before Atletico break through for a consolation. Los Indios 1 - 2 Los Awesome-O's.

REPUBBLICA ITALIANA

Juventus (3rd) vs. Fiorentina (4th). Fiorentina were lucky to have lowly Livorno sandwiched between this game and their heartbreaking 1-0 loss to Roma (keeper Sebastien Frey's face at 0:38 says it all). A get-healthy win against Livorno put them in the fourth spot, but AC Milan were running them down like a San Francisco tiger before being held by Catania. Now, they'll be very hard pressed to stay up there with a trip to the Stadio Olimpico to play Juventus. What will give them hope is that the Bianconeri haven't really been in great form lately. After beating Roma at home, they lost at Reggina, one of the league's worst sides, and then were unable to break down a stubborn Torino defense despite several good chances.

The verdict: What gives Juventus the edge in this match, and AC Milan hope for fourth, is the absence of star striker Adrian Mutu, who twisted his knee in the match against Roma. His goals to league games ratio was 2 to 3 (!), so without him, where will Fiorentina find the net? The answer is "not against Buffon." People are expecting a thriller, but I see a tight contest with a defensive error perhaps making the difference. Italy's Girlfriend 1 - 0 Italy's Purple-Clad, Frenchy-Symbol-Wearing Boyfriend.

ENGLAND

Arsenal (1st) vs. Aston Villa (6th). It's been a rough couple weeks for the Gunners. It all started with the spanking at the hands of Man U in the FA Cup, and culminated with a draw snatched from the jaws of victory against Birmingham. Along the way, they teased their London supporters with a dominant yet goalless display against AC Milan, and lost their "fox in the box" to a horrendous season-ending injury. United are now three points back, and the margin of error is razor thin. Meanwhile, Villa, since losing to Fulham at the beginning of the month, have gotten back on track. They easily dispatched horrendous Newcastle (England's new points ATM) and then went to work with a businesslike win over Reading. Ashley Young and Gabriel Agbonlahor remain a quick and deadly threat on the wings, especially when allowed to send in crosses for increasingly dangerous striker John Carew.

The verdict: Oh man, this is a tough one. Villa have been very solid all season and are currently level on points with Liverpool, which gives one an idea of their competitiveness. In their last meeting at Villa Park, Arsenal surrendered an early goal before scoring two and absolutely tearing their competition apart... for the remainder of the first half. In the second, they had to fight for their lives not to lose the lead. Of course, they're at home this time around, but can they turn the emotional experiences of last week to their advantage? Mathieu Flamini thinks they can, and the last time he played Villa, he scored a screamer. Since he's the new Gattuso, I'll set aside my fears of a draw for now. Gooners 2 - 1 Villans.


*Aguero, being short of stature, quick, Argentinian, and possessed of an eye for goal, has often been called the next Maradona. Thus making him one of at least three "next Maradona's" currently tearing it up in Europe.

Weekend Preview

Now that we've gotten past all that boring Champions League stuff, it's back to the daily grind. Let's see what's on tap in the Big Three leagues.

SPAIN

Real Madrid (1st) vs. Getafe (13th). None of the matchups this week are particularly intriguing, but this one has to be the most interesting in terms of the title. Madrid have fallen 2-1 in two consecutive matches, revealing a vulnerability that hadn't been seen for awhile. Though the most recent one came against an explosive Roma team in the Champions League, they lost to lowly Real Betis over the weekend. Now what once appeared to be an insurmountable lead has fallen back to five points, and Barcelona are looking very dangerous at the moment. Now that they're back home, Madrid need to bounce back in a big way and demonstrate that the title is still firmly in their grasp. Getafe, meanwhile, need a win to separate themselves from the crowd of mediocre/bad teams sitting on 28 or 29 points, which is only a heartbeat away from relegation. Yet it's clear that they're capable of much better than their league record, as they've now advanced to the final 16 of the UEFA Cup with a resounding win over AEK Athens and are in the semis of the Copa del Rey. They're also the last team that took a point from the Bernabeu and have a history of giving Los Blancos trouble.

The verdict: Getafe may be performing well in their cup competitions and love to play spoiler against Los Merengues, but Madrid's league dominance at home is just too much to overcome. This year they're 11-0-0 at the Bernabeu. That's a pretty amazing statistic. I see Getafe making it interesting, and Madrid remembering who they are a la Simba in the Lion King. 100% Home Record 2 - 1 Pesky Visitors.

ITALY

Roma (2nd) vs. Fiorentina (4th). This is a premiere matchup that I can't wait to see. Roma are coming off a great comeback win against the Spanish giants in the CL, and though the league is now probably firmly in the hands of Inter, the battle for second place and CL spots is on. Fiorentina are figuring prominently in that battle, currently sitting in fourth and keeping out giants AC Milan, much like Everton and Liverpool. Adrian Mutu has been huge for La Viola in the absence of Luca Toni (currently enjoying himself in the Bundesliga), and scored a massive winner for them last weekend. Make no mistake, they're a very good team.

The verdict: But Roma are better, and they'll be playing at home. Totti seemed to find his feet in their Champions League match, and that's not a good sign for Fiorentina. Neither team will want to open themselves up to attack very much, and that'll make for a tense, tight match. Expect Roma to win the midfield battle and the match. Biggest City in Italy 1 - 0 Hippest City in Italy.

ENGLAND

Newcastle United (13th) vs. Manchester United (2nd). Ah, the Kevin Keegan era. Since the Geordie Messiah took the reins at his old club (again), they've got a record of 0-2-3 in all competitions and have scored TWO GOALS in that period. That is horrendous, and particularly so for a club that had such (absurdly) high expectations and a storied history. To be fair, they had to play Arsenal away twice and got thrashed 3-0 on both occasions. Nevertheless, it's pretty bad. Now, Keegan has to play against the team he most despised as both a player and manager: the Red Devils. Since falling to City, United have been on a good run of form, smashing Arsenal out of the FA Cup and grinding out a gritty draw and away goal against a good Lyon side. It also doesn't hurt that the last time they saw Newcastle, they scored SIX GOALS in the second half in a terrifying display.

The verdict: Poor Kevin Keegan. It almost makes you wonder if Newcastle will have three managers this season. Newcastle couldn't find the net if they had a google maps printout, Man U are capable of running rampant on any occasion, and when it comes to managers, Keegan famously broke down under the pressure of Alex Ferguson's mind games during the 1995-1996 season. You can't like his chances in this one, even with the Toon Army* behind him at Tyneside. Mighty Mouse 0 - 2 The Hairdryer.


*I'd just like to quickly say something about Newcastle fans. They're delusional when it comes to their team and always have unreasonable expectations. At the same time, they care far too much about flash and flare, especially in their strikers, when they should care more about results. Yet, they're the most loyal, passionate fans I've ever come across. At Nevada's, I've watched them as their team has lost horrendously on several occasions. Instead of doing what I (and most fans) usually do, which is groan, mope, and eventually leave, they stand and sing "we'll support you evermore." Which they will. Mad respect for the Toon Army.

Weekend Preview

You know the drill.

SPAIN

Barcelona (2nd) vs. Osasuna (15th). You know La Liga is done and dusted for Real Madrid when this becomes the most interesting fixture of the weekend. It's true, though; Barca desperately need to string together a series of victories if they want any chance at catching Los Merengues. Last week at Bilbao was a gimme, but Fernando Llorente stunned them eleven minutes from time to split the points. Now they face lowly Osasuna at home. The Pamplona club have been woeful and in danger of relegation this season after a year which saw them reach the semifinals of the UEFA Cup.

The verdict: I mean, one has to predict a Barcelona victory, right? Not so fast. The club has scored only two goals in their last three matches. Yes, Eto'o is currently missing at the ACN, but Ronaldinho should be back, giving them three of the most dangerous players in the world at the fore of their attack. As Juan put it in our last power rankings: "Something is wrong with this team. I honestly don't know what it is yet but I'm on it." Well, I think we'll still have to get back to you on that one, but in the meantime, I'll continue to put (misplaced) trust in Titi and Leo to eek out a win: Underachievers 2 - 1 Regressing Overachievers.

ITALY

Fiorentina (4th) vs. AC Milan (6th). This weekend's Serie A action will offer something I don't believe I've ever seen before. The three best teams (Inter, Roma, and Juve) are playing the three worst (Empoli, Siena, Cagliari). Which leaves us to focus on this extremely important match. There was never any doubt that Fiorentina have emerged from Serie B promotion and the matchfixing scandals as one of Italy's stronger sides. The question for this season, with Luca Toni off to Germany, was whether Adrian Mutu could assume a greater share of the scoring duty. Well, question answered. As a reward, Firenze sit in Champions League position, but Milan are gunning hard for it. Pato has been a revelation for them (I can't recall a seventeen year-old playing with such poise since Arsenal's own Cesc Fabregas) and the Rossoneri are slowly but surely working their way into striking distance of the top.

Verdict: The talent of Milan is starting to tell, with players like Gilardino, Pirlo, and Kaka finding their form in a string of victories. That being said, this is a very evenly matched game, and Fiorentina are at home. Let's call it a draw: La Viola 1 - 1 Il Diavolo.

ENGLAND

Man City (6th) vs. Arsenal (2nd). This weekend has a lot of solid matchups. Chelsea go to Portsmouth, Everton take on Blackburn, and Tottenham get another shot at United, this time at home (still won't happen, Spurs fans). This has to be the pick, though. Arsenal have cruised through their last few games, defeating Fulham and Newcastle twice, so they've yet to see real opposition. City, after a great start, have been in an awful rut. They got knocked out by balloons in the FA Cup (I was watching this, and it was truly absurd - did anyone else see this?) and then drew (!) with Derby County yesterday. Since Derby have become the Premier League ATM for three points, this is a real problem.

The verdict: Sven will have them up for it and City are very tough at home, but Arsenal are playing very well. Last time, Fabregas was the difference, blasting a winner in the 80th minute (his favorite time to score). Richard Dunne and Micah Richards are a formidable pair to break down, but at the moment, you'd expect a red-hot Adebayor and the phenomenal box-to-box play of Flamini to tip the scales in the Gunners' favor: Blue Moon 0 - 1 The Boys in Red and White.