Samir of Nasri

It's a good thing that Raymond Domenech is the worst judge of talent since Al Davis because otherwise I'd be very worried in 93 days when Uruguay plays France. I would be worried because Samir Of Nasri absolutely embarrassed two Uruguayans to put Arsenal up 3-nil yesterday in what was a sensational and mesmerizing display of hips. Luckily, Domenech barely plays the French phenom.

If you didn't know, and shame on you, Porto is the unofficial Uruguayan National Club team with 3, count it, 3 Uruguayans, all of them starters. They are: Jorge Fucile, Alvaro Perreira and Cristian Rodriguez. Fucile is the one that people say looks like me, and I don't mind that because he's a very handsome dude. Cristian Rodriguez is the Onion (la cebolla) and Pereira apparently goes by Alvaro on his jersey for reasons I can't explain. Two of them are pictured on the future Nasri poster titled, "Samir of Nasri rudely shows Uruguay how to finish a scoring chance."

While we're here, the other relevant Uruguayans (and soon to become more relevant once we make the semi's in the World Cup) are:
Diego Forlan - Atletico Madrid
Luis Suarez - Ajax and apparently not for long as Chelsea (booo!) are taking a look at him
Martin Caceres - Juventus
Carlos Bueno - Penarol on loan to Real Sociedad - the founder and creative force behind this very website. You really need to click on that video if you didn't - it's quite possibly the worst quality of video ever but the highlights are accompanied by the fantastic song that is always at the ready whenever Uruguay scores. The radio blasts it mid-game, the local broadcast has been known to blast it mid-game and it's the song played at the bars whenever the highlights come on the TV later that night and prompts everyone to riot.

Anyway, the Arsenal look great and here's to hoping that Lyon, AC Milan and Inter Milan all win!

Since I Did It Yesterday

I might as well do it again. But I don't want really want to...














OK, Porto vs. Arsenal. [Highlight links to follow]

Porto 1 - 0 Arsenal. What. The. Hell. I honestly don't know what to do about our goalkeeping situation. Cesc said it all: "schoolboy goals." If I had my way, Fabianski would never, ever play for Arsenal again. I'm sorry, but he's simply not good enough to be the #2 for this team, let alone #3. Or #4. Or the personal shopper for Nicklas Bendtner. As I was watching the goals he conceded today, I felt like Buster at the 5:30 mark of this episode. (Lots of effort, I know, but it's worth it.) Last season, he singlehandedly knocked us out of the running for a trophy. Does anyone remember this? My God. I just hope he hasn't done it again, but to be fair, if we can't beat Porto at home, we don't deserve to advance. So that's that.

Porto 1 - 1 Arsenal. Perfectly executed. Porto's defending wasn't great, so that helps, but there's not a lot you can do when a corner is worked as well as that. Back post to Rosicky, straight to Campbell, and hey presto, welcome back Sol!

Porto 2 - 1 Arsenal. See commentary for first goal. Although for this one, a few small shares of blame parceled out to referee Martin Hansson (seriously, dude?), and Sol for not just kicking the ball away and taking a yellow or doing that annoying thing where you stand in front of the ball. Come on guys.

All in all, a pretty awful game to watch. Porto played good attacking football, and Arsenal matched them for it in the first half. I honestly thought we'd take it to them and win in the second. But oh well. Also, they were kicking the hell out of Cesc. And though I can't really blame them for taking that approach, I can certainly hate them for it. Which I do.












Bayern Munich vs. Fiorentina.

Bayern 1 - 0 Fiorentina. Weirdness. Uh, advantage? Bayern were rightfully furious. If that penalty were saved, the ensuing drama would have been priceless. Either way, really nice buildup; Robben is fantastic at the moment.

Bayern 1 - 1 Fiorentina. Shambolic.

Bayern 2 - 1 Fiorentina. Yeah... so, was there some sort of bet you could place on both CL games finishing with this scoreline and both awful referees being awful?* Because if there were, the fix was totally in. The red card that came in the period before this goal I can kind of comprehend. The elbow was high and it looked like it was deliberately aimed at Robben's throat. On replay, it's a yellow, though. As for the goal itself... that is the most offside goal I have ever seen allowed. That's all I have to say about that.

* Can someone please explain to me how Martin Hansson and Tom Henning Øvrebø (you like that?) still have their jobs? Hansson missed the most obvious and controversial handball since Maradona. Øvrebø absolutely jobbed Chelsea out of a deserved spot in the CL final last year (don't get me wrong, I'm still laughing uproariously about that and I agree with this man that no es Andres Iniesta, es el Dios de la justicia del fútbol, but still, Chelsea got absolutely, completely, totally robbed - Didier was right). Well, at least having those two around keeps things interesting. And totally insane.

Finishing Strong

Before we get to tomorrow's mammoth clash, I'd like to give my congratulations to United, Inter, Madrid, and Bayern for winning their respective leagues. None of those victories seemed "wrong" or unexpected in any way. In every case, it was clearly the best team that won.

The same goes for Porto and Lyon, but here I'm not sure if I should be offering my congratulations or my condolences. Yes, they won their leagues, but now they can look forward to having their quality players stolen by teams from the "Big Three" leagues.

Three things I've been thinking about during this lengthy hiatus:

1. Both the Serie A and the EPL had fantastic finishes, with the league hanging in the balance until the final Sunday. And in both leagues, it was the favorite who finished on top and the persistent underdog who fell short. I found it particularly fitting the way United and Inter won their last games, with Ronaldo and Ibrahimovic, the true offensive catalysts and stars of their squads, rising to the occasion and breaking the deadlock. Both players have often had their pedigree in important matches questioned, and it was a real coup for both to secure a championship for their respective sides. I don't completely agree with my esteemed colleague that Inter were uncatchable; scoreless at the half against a team desperate to stay up in monsoon weather had to have even the most staunch Inter supporter nervous. But as soon as Mancini called for Ibrahimovic off the bench, you could see Nerazzuri confidence rise. And with good reason.

(Also, for those who watched that match, has it ever been more apparent that a player would score from the moment he was brought on? Zlatan's first touch was an attempt at goal which went wide, but if you watched closely, I'm pretty sure you could actually see him mentally adjusting his scope.)

2. Barca are in absolute disarray. In any other year, I'm sure Juan and I would have been leaping at the chance to jot down some thoughts about El Clasico, but there was a shocking gulf in class this year between the two old rivals, and it really showed. Pep Guardiola has his work cut out for him, and things won't get any easier if they lose half the players that have already been mentioned in transfer rumors: Gaucho, Titi, Sammy, 'Brotta, Magico, Gio, Kolo Jr., etc. Who's going where will be a good topic to accompany the Euros this summer.

3. I'm extremely optimistic about tomorrow's match. These are definitely the two best teams in Europe. Chelsea-United has admittedly been a borefest for the last few years (hell, Chelsea-anyone has the potential to become sports tryptophan), as both teams warily try to avoid committing that killer error instead of actually taking chances and being creative in the hopes of scoring, but their recent, enthralling showdown at the Bridge gives me hope. As some have already said, an early goal would be extremely welcome, as it will naturally up the tempo and urgency of the match.

It's about that time

Open me in a new window and listen to anticipation in it's pure audible form.

Ready?

Go

FC Porto at Schalke 04

A part of me doesn't want to keep mentioning that Quaresma is the best unknown player in the world for obvious reasons. I want to be so right about him that I'm willing to forfeit any "see I told you so" rights just for my own personal satisfaction. I just know that when he blows up I'm going to expend so much energy explaining to people that I knew it all along. But that's neither here nor there.

Porto has alot to represent here: Quare is on the big stage yet again, Portuguese Liga always has something to prove, and Schalke needs to be shamed out of the CL. Last year at about this time Q was playing with a lot of flair - too much in fact to be taken seriously. Similar complaints,, however (extra pause before and after however), were said of a certain Christ Ronaldo. Am I saying he's the next C. Ronaldo? I don't even know what that means - next question.

Porto 2, Shalke 0

Inter Milan at Liverpool

Thanks a lot Capello?? As if Pool needs any more pressure to win. I watched the Barnsley repeat last night and I can't wait to write about it.
Meanwhile, amidst the plethora of Liverpool, "This is why, that is why," stories it appears that El Nino got it right. Thanks Fernando. If 1 out of 10 Liverpool fans stop taking crazy pills because of this you will have done well. Why can't Pool fans be more like Cardinals fans and enjoy their five year get-out-of-heartbreak-free voucher while it lasts.

My prediction is Milan 3, Liverpool 1. I really do want Inter to get that monkey off it's back* and smother LiverSchiavo once and for all. It's time to moveon.org Liverpool.

Real Madrid at Roma

Roma showed up at the party looking for that cutie they've been waiting to finally ask out and there she is doing body shots off of Real Madrid. After watching Juve's back line look good against their first team, Roma might be in for a Ruud awakening (Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week) (Cuts wrists).

Totti played uninspired against Juve and the whole team looked aloof. Totti needs to grow his hair out again and everything will be ok.

Real 1, Roma 0

Chelsea at Olympiacos

Chelsea hasn't had their big letdown yet this season... I'm not confident it will happen here, but I will say I thought so (with no proof) if Cos comes away with the upset. I am assuming Avram knows what he's doing resting Lampard and especially John Terry. Chelsea has been so blah this year it's hard to pass judgment. They struggled some, bounced back some, OK. I wish I had more to say but this is my wait and see game - mainly because I haven't seen much of Chelsea this year.

Chelsea 1, Olympiacos 1


In summary, Andy Williams was right - it's the most wonderful time of the year.

Enjoy the games.


*That is one of the top ten commercials of all time

The League of Champions...

Is back in action! Let's do our requisite rundown of today's matchups.

Schalke 04 vs. FC Porto. Schalke are having a mediocre season in the Bundesliga where they sit fifth, and are easily the worst team in this knockout round. They barely managed second in the group stages with a then-struggling Chelsea, lowly Rosenborg and rapidly tanking "what is wrong with this team?" Valencia. They got through with the fewest points of any team. Porto, in direct contrast, finished first in a fairly difficult group that saw them matched against Liverpool, Marseilles, and Besiktas. They're cruising the Portuguese league, and with the perpetually underrated Pedro Emanuel at the back, Lucho dominating midfield, and the brilliant Quaresma leading their attack from the wing, you have to expect this first leg to go Porto's way, even on the road. Last German Standing 1 - 3 Portuguese Dragons.

Liverpool vs. Internazionale. Wow, Liverpool. Barnsley? Really? Fifth in the League, and now eliminated from the FA Cup in style by a Championship team, this would seem to be a club in crisis. Never you mind, though, because whenever this competition rolls around, England's most successful club in Europe seems to rise to the occasion. The Champions League has also been Rafa's bread and butter, but if he doesn't accomplish the unenviable task of knocking off Inter, he's as good as gone. Inter, meanwhile, continue to go about their business of solidifying a third straight Serie A title with jarring efficiency. However, success in Europe has largely eluded these Italian giants, and not since the 1960's have they seen a fruitful campaign in this competition. In short, they're massive chokers. (See last year's fall and brawl against Valencia or their shameful beatdowns at the hands of AC Milan in 2005 or Arsenal in 2003.) They'll also have to deal with a Liverpool squad rejoined by a healthy Gerrard, Torres, Reina, and Mascherano (so, really, their four best players). But having one of the scariest rosters in Europe and the leading scorer in the competition (Zlatan) should help them this time, right? Well, my only advice is that you not have money riding on this game. This is the best I can do: Hicks and Gillette 1 - 1 Reggie Miller.

AS Roma vs. Real Madrid. Yum yum. This is a truly juicy tie. Roma were unfortunate to be grouped with a rampant Manchester United, but came out with eleven points. For Real, eleven is all it took to win their group, though. Life just isn't fair. Madrid have been cruising La Liga, but have had difficulty navigating their domestic cup competitions. Roma are sitting in second, but tenuously, after losing to Juventus. Thus far, Madrid has had a more dominant look about them, but that being said, it should be noted that the Serie A has been much more competitive than La Liga this season. Roma will also be looking to salvage their reputation after their 7-1 drubbing at the hands of Manchester United last year. It'll be interesting to see how Roma's stellar CB's Mexes and Juan deal with the cagey veterans of Madrid in attack. Los Merengues still have the edge, though. WIND 1 - 2 BWIN.

Olympiacos vs. Chelsea. Everyone is writing off Olympiacos in this tie, and not without good reason. In recent history, Chelsea have been extremely strong in this competition, only to fall victim to penalties or bad luck right before reaching the finals. Their current form, while mind-numbingly dull, also adds to their favored status. Olympiacos will have to be strong at the back, as Avram Grant is expected to announce an ambitious 4-3-3 alignment featuring either Drogba or Anelka flanked by Joe Cole and Shaun Wright-Phillips. The Greek champions can look to strong performances against Werder Bremen and Lazio along with their fine league form (only one loss) for inspiration, but Chelsea haven't lost a game in a long time and I would expect nothing short of victory today. Greek David 0 - 1 Boring Goliath.

Stay tuned for tomorrow, when we'll see the mouthwatering matchup of the week: Fenerbahce vs. Sevilla! Jay kay.

The Return of the Power Dozen

Here's to a great jinx! (Hold up shot glass, shoots self in head)

1) Inter - I've decided their recent "struggles" - which oh by the way include no losses - are due to Mancini experimenting with team chemistry. I admit that their dominance turned into this aura where I expected to tune in and see Inter hog-tying opponents and shooting wildly in the air. Turns out they just win and have fun while doing it.

2) Arsenal - My only reservation (I was gonna put them #1) was that they did all this benefiting while all the elephants were gone. Props to Egypt for taking the tragically unwatched African Nations Cup. I'll make sure to watch in two years.

3) Real Madrid - I had the pleasure of watching Real touchdown on Villanotasreal. Before this game I would have dropped them a spot, but with Robben clicking, Jim is right - they're legit.

4) Manchester United - the Munich disaster indeed (too soon?... it happened 50 years ago damnt). Cristi was frustrated with Portugal losing to Italy and is trying to do too much. City caught some breaks too. I'm writing it off for the most part. And how about Man City earning 6 points from The Treble!

5) AS Roma - forget catching Inter, they need to stay afloat. They have a brutal February remaining and Juve could catch them if Juve would stop being awkward turtle.

6) Chelsea - they're Paul Wall on the grind. Avram Grant looks a little like that character from Ratatouille - a movie I thoroughly enjoyed.

7) Bayern Munich - Luca Toni missed a penalty and subsequently drew against Bremen. They've scored 14 in their last 4 though, so I think they'll be alright.

8) Porto - Dropped a game against Sporting Lisbon thus they drop a few spots. Quaresma watch: Apparently he's "earning" his starting spot on the wing over Sabrosa. The announcers think he played great, I've seen him play better, we'll see. Regardless, Scolari needs to find a spot for him.

9) Barcelona - Sorry, I still don't know what's wrong with them. I watched one game of theirs and it was snoozer. If I were a fan of this team I'd be so disgruntled.

10) Juventus - I find it comical that I picked* the Italian team that most resembles Uruguay's "I can score at any time ability" coupled with "the end result will inevitably frustrate you - even in a win." And comical like the way I would laugh after surviving a plane crash.

*That's not entirely true. My mother picked this team for me in a way by buying me a sick replica jersey. I blame you mother.

11) Rangers - Celtic seems poised to catch them. The headline, "Celtic destroys Dons."

12) Lyon - I'll soon be posting why you should hate France. Stay tuned.


Let me in now, let me in now. Bill Gates, Donald Trump, let me in now. Jim says...

I'm actually in total agreement with these rankings. Well done, Vincenzo. Just a few thoughts on the Top 5:

1) Internazionale - This is the sort of domination in a league we haven't seen since Arsenal 2003-2004. I'd also compare them to the Inter of last year, but that was with Juve in the minors and their other major rivals penalized for scandal. Now, Inter literally refuse to be defeated. They have complete and utter confidence that they will win every time they take the field, no matter the opposition. Of course, that's only in the Serie A. We'll see what kind of tricks Rafa has for them next week.

2) Arsenal - If anything, I feel that going top and staying there during the African Cup of Nations has been more to Arsenal's credit. No Toure, no Song, no diving, whining Eboue (OK, maybe that was actually helpful), but anyway, you get the point.

3) Real Madrid - Guti's healthy again (and just dropped a deuce on fake Real), so that's another weapon they can throw in there. Be skurred.

4) Manchester United - Juan, it's always too soon for a club that takes itself as seriously as this one. Highlights from last week include Ferguson's complaint about seven (completely deserved, and he's lucky there weren't more) yellow cards for his team against Tottenham, and now the twin excuses for defeat of playing the Manchester Derby during the anniversary of the disaster and having players tired after the International Break. Waah.

5) AS Roma - What happened against Siena? Truly a nightmare for them, and they probably should have dropped in these rankings, but everyone else has been pretty mediocre. They Juveniled against Reggina, though, so they're still (numerically) in the hunt. Totti needs to find his form soon, though, because they've got Madrid in the CL.

PS: I think I know why Juan thinks you should hate France. I'll give everyone a hint: starts with a D, believes obsessively in astrology, and in the past six years has made horrible decisions regarding selection for a certain national team.

Europe's Power Dozen

Here at The Legend of Carl Awesome, we encourage discussion and debate. Therefore, both of us have created our own power rankings and explanations. This way you don't have one list to disagree with, but two. Enjoy.

The key - as apparently Firefox doesn't recognize arrows, is blue = on the upswing, orange = on the downswing, black = steady as expected

Jim's List

1) Internazionale. Everyone in Serie A is left chasing the dragon as Inter romp through the league. Of course, their annual Champions League choke is just around the corner.

2) Manchester United. Anyone (I'm looking at you, Arsenal) who saw their recent display against Newcastle should be very afraid. Very, very afraid.

3) Real Madrid. Two words: Iker Casillas. Apologies to Petr and Gigi, but on current form he's the best keeper in the world.

4) Arsenal. Wenger just took responsibility for the home draw against Birmingham. Without a convincing win on Saturday at Fulham, this team might start questioning itself.

5) Roma. They're keeping pace, Mancini is close to a new deal, and Totti is back from injury and scoring. Can't really ask for much more.

6) Chelsea. Avram Grant claims that his Chelsea are more entertaining than Mourinho's. Which is absurd. That being said, they're right in the mix and signing Anelka will be a huge boost for this team.

7)4Barcelona. Blinded by the lineup? So what if I am. They're within striking distance and just edged past Sevilla in the Copa del Rey. (Also, has anyone seen this? How would they ever select a team??)

8) Bayern Munich. Locked up with Werder Bremen in a fierce battle for the Bundesliga. No Champions League, though, so who have they played? Off the field, you've got the possibility of losing Podolski to Man City. Oh, and Liverpool might be trying to steal Klinsmann for '08. Yikes.

9) Porto. A convincing 4-0 victory over Braga widens their lead in the Portuguese League to 11 points over Benfica. The most important word in that sentence? Portuguese.

10) Lyon. Dominating a weak Ligue 1, even by recent standards. Juninho has been in fine form, and Benzema is an excellent young talent, but we'll really see what this team is made of when they face Man U in the Champions League.

11) Juventus. See Juan's most recent post for the details of their thrilling win over Empoli. Though it was the Italian Cup, it's sure to be a motivator. Also, David Trezeguet can't stop scoring.

12)4Rangers. Cruising the SPL. Smacked down rivals Celtic earlier in the season. The only knock on them at the moment is their failure to qualify for the CL knockouts.

Juan's list

1) Internazionale Roma and Juventus are currently playing this game.

2) Manchester United The addition of Tevez is like giving the Crips hollow points.

3) Real Madrid They seem quiet this year. Gut-check games upcoming against Atletico and Roma in the Champions League.

4) Arsenal It won't take much to convince me, but Jim's right, I do need convincing after a complacent draw to Birmingham. I'm most interested in the upcoming Newcastle, Man City, AC Milan games.

5) AS Roma Febuary will be murderer's row and reality check time for Roma who will face Juventus, Real Madrid, and Inter Milan.

6) Porto I ranked them so high because I respect Portuguese soccer and I think they have the best unknown player in the world in Quaresma. They're cleaning up in their league and need to show me something great against Shalke 04 in the Champions to keep them here.

7) Bayern Munich I also respect German soccer as well as Miroslave Klose.

8) Chelsea I read the story of Drogba asking to play next to Eto'o in sheer horror. To me that would be like taking a hit of cocaine while skydiving.

9) Barcelona Something is wrong with this team. I honestly don't know what it is yet but I'm on it.

10) Juventus They stole a point from Catania that they didn't deserve and thoroughly convinced me they can score if they really have to against Empoli. The defense looks really shaky and I'm worried. They can't really afford mistakes until Febuary 17th when they face Roma - the breaker.

11) Rangers This spot is certainly up for grabs. The Rangers have a perfectly manageable schedule to hold off the Celts. We'll all see if they can finish strong.

12) Lyon I'll go ahead and use this space to vent that I hate Domenech. That is all.