Good Morning!

Welcome to a special edition of The Legend of Carl Awesome. Through the miracle of the internet, your humble correspondents are able to present you with a rundown of the Manchester Derby (and the first half of Arsenal-Wolves) as viewed through our twisted and biased lens. Three points if you make it to the end:


Citeh's buildup is good, but every time they start to look a little threatening, the final ball is laughably bad.
06:54:19 Juan: im glad carlos and silva decided to do their best mls impression for these first 10 minutes
06:54:42 Jim: great passing and then a horrible final ball
06:56:02 Juan: did you catch up on my suarez take
06:56:16 Jim: i did indeed
06:56:25 Juan: it's not a bad ceiling, right?
06:56:27 Juan: arshavin?
06:56:32 Jim: not at all
06:56:45 Juan: i actually took a long time thinking who it could be
06:56:48 Jim: also, i love the podcast talking about how arshavin is unreasonably hated
06:58:54 Juan: the podcast was great
06:59:08 Jim: it's as good as the arsecast is terrible
06:59:12 Jim: well, maybe that's pushing it
06:59:34 Juan: yeah, only because by that logic the "footballistically arsenal" dudes would win a new nobel prize in spoken word

Lots of fouls, midfield getting congested.
07:05:24 Juan: this is getting a bit chippy
07:06:07 Jim: do you mean kompany's foul?
07:06:16 Juan: yes
07:06:18 Juan: then o'shea
07:06:19 Jim: yeah
07:09:09 Jim: anderson, please close your mouth
07:09:18 Juan: lol
07:09:34 Juan: he thinks it's closed jim
07:11:39 Jim: rooney is trying to get a yellow card with his "english determination"
07:12:00 Jim: wow, he almost succeeded, too
07:12:09 Juan: like a mule plowing a field
07:12:13 Jim: indeed
07:12:15 Jim: a donkey with a huge cart strapped to its back
07:12:15 Juan: the english players add so much to the game
07:12:25 Jim: running at full speed

Scholes sends a long, perfect cross-field ball to the wing.
07:14:14 Jim: i know scholes is an annoying old ginger, but he can still spread that ball around like buttah
07:15:12 Juan: like warm butter on a nice pancake
07:15:20 Jim: on that note, i think a good argument that xavi is overrated is to ask yourself: would it really make a difference if paul scholes replaced him in the barca midfield?
07:15:31 Jim: honestly, he'd probably do just fine
07:15:39 Juan: yeah, arsene wenger ruined scholes for me with his hilarious, "he's a great player with a shaky past" line, or something like that
07:17:09 Jim: definitely a lot of terrible fouls
07:17:18 Jim: he never actually learned how to tackle
07:17:40 Jim: and he's infamous for stupid, blatant handballs
07:18:03 Juan: yeah he did that against wolves
07:18:08 Juan: was he even carded for that?
07:18:18 Jim: yeah, yellow card
07:19:26 Jim: a classic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kme2xaGi49A
07:19:41 Juan: stupid
07:19:51 Juan: it should have been the color of his crotch

Nani scores! 1 nil to United.
07:26:15 Jim: darn
07:26:25 Jim: how did they let that happen
07:26:47 Juan: cuz nani is nice
07:26:58 Juan: "nice" like how a dude would use it to describe a girl
07:26:59 Jim: yeah
07:27:08 Juan: quite a touch there
07:27:15 Jim: that crazy backflip he does is also pretty impressive
07:27:23 Jim: "we do what we waaaaant"
07:27:28 Jim: i kind of love that they sing that
07:27:49 Juan: what's the end of that?
07:28:08 Jim: and then "we're man united, and we do want we want"
07:28:17 Juan: ha
07:28:42 Juan: i need a piss test for ryan giggs, please
07:29:05 Juan: hes looking awfully frisky today
07:29:51 Jim: it's because sir alex switched him to a blend of chow for more mature pets
07:30:16 Juan: LOL
07:30:25 Juan: did you just make that up?
07:30:27 Juan: that is golden
07:30:29 Juan: i read it twice
07:30:34 Jim: haha i did
07:30:40 Juan: fantastic sir
07:30:41 Juan: well in
07:31:00 Jim: thank you

The speed of the match increases as Citeh realize they're in trouble and United try to put the match to bed with a quick follow-up before halftime.
07:31:08 Juan: dang
07:31:15 Juan: these players are really good when they open up
07:31:24 Juan: we need more soccer all star games
07:31:29 Jim: i agree
07:31:44 Juan: sometimes its not fun being so disciplined
07:34:57 Jim: i was reading the other day about soccer strategies
07:35:05 Jim: how it's not really a quest to find a perfect one
07:35:11 Jim: it's more like rock, paper, scissors
07:35:33 Jim: and how liverpool were playing an 80s style lineup with basically 3 center backs against chelsea
07:35:35 Jim: and it worked
07:35:35 Juan: rock paper scissors and barcelona
07:35:40 Jim: ah yes
07:35:46 Jim: i forgot that one
07:35:47 Juan: hahah that's what they'd say
07:35:48 Juan: anyway
07:35:48 Juan: go on
07:35:50 Jim: "gun" = barcelona
07:36:14 Juan: it's like rock paper glock

Hating on Soccernet...

07:36:36 Jim: http://espn.go.com/sports/soccer/news/_/id/6104189/liverpool-use-three-man-backline-unique-premier-league
07:36:53 Jim: one of the few times that soccernet has genuinely entertained and/or educated me about anything
07:36:56 Juan: yeah i read that
07:36:59 Juan: it's because hes freelance
07:37:03 Jim: must be
07:37:03 Juan: and doesn't actually work for them
07:37:49 Jim: yeah
07:38:03 Juan: which is probably better for espn
07:38:11 Juan: i find it hard to believe the higher ups don't realize they're mostly shit
07:38:25 Juan: they brought in [david] hirshey, they allow some more freelance stuff
07:38:32 Juan: espn now has a really big investment in soccer
07:38:36 Jim: hirshey cracks me up
07:39:03 Juan: yeah i like hirshey

Halftime Highlights and Some Internet Browsing.
07:40:23 Jim: here's a heartwarming story: http://sports.espn.go.com/los-angeles/soccer/news/story?id=6105411
07:40:32 Jim: i like what he said to beckham, i think that's exactly what i would have said
07:41:25 Juan: i mean, we would have said it in a very inappropriate tone
07:41:30 Jim: it's true
07:41:31 Juan: but yes, on print it would look the same
07:41:41 Jim: i would have said it while slowly unbuttoning my shirt
07:41:57 Juan: and shielding your kids' eyes
07:42:10 Jim: "kids, go wait in the car"
07:42:28 Juan: "daddy is gonna show david how much he loves him"
07:42:35 Jim: AHAHAHA
07:42:46 Juan: hahaha im dying over here
07:42:48 Jim: if i don't stop laughing, my girlfriend is going to come in here
07:42:58 Jim: and ask what's so funny that made me wake her up
07:43:09 Jim: and i'll have to explain that i'm making jokes about being gay with david beckham
07:43:27 Juan: she'll probably nod and just turn and walk away
07:44:05 Juan: "kids, go tell mom to put on her david beckham jersey for when i get home"
07:44:34 Jim: LOL

Citeh substitution: Edin Dzeko comes on for James Milner.
08:04:11 Juan: um
08:04:13 Juan: jesus christ
08:04:17 Juan: how big is edin dzeko?
08:04:27 Jim: fairly large
08:04:30 Juan: dude looks like a monster
08:05:59 Jim: actually, according to wikipedia, dude is 6'4
08:06:04 Jim: that's pretty huge
08:06:12 Jim: not llorente huge, but close
08:06:56 Jim: like the bosnian paul bunyan

Good run and cross from Wright-Phillips. Dzeko's ensuing shot deflects off Silva and into the goal! All square again.
08:08:24 Juan: hey-o
08:08:29 Juan: this is the best result for us
08:08:39 Jim: oh snap
08:08:56 Jim: aw a-aww yeahh
08:09:30 Jim: that's the first useful thing i've seen shaun wright-phillips do in like four years
08:09:51 Juan: yeah, wenger was right about him

Ball played into Tevez, Van der Sar makes a fantastic save. Flag was up, however.
08:11:10 Juan: only van der saar saves that
08:11:13 Juan: what an asshole
08:11:23 Jim: point blank
08:11:44 Jim: how does a man that old have reflexes like a cat?
08:12:06 Juan: they're gonna hurt once he leaves...
08:12:12 Jim: reina?
08:12:19 Juan: ... for like, a game, then they'll buy another good goalie, since that's what serious teams do
08:12:52 Jim: good thing we have a good goalie now in woldcheck szczczc kenny chesney
08:13:00 Juan: HAHAHAH
08:13:05 Juan: kenny chesney
08:13:38 Jim: honestly, when his family was on ellis island, he was probably kenny sczeszny or whatever
08:13:45 Jim: and the immigration officials were like f that
08:14:08 Jim: your name is chesney and you're going to be a country singer

A lull in the action, then Berbatov shows off his skills.
08:16:13 Juan: jesus berba
08:16:14 Juan: just class
08:16:27 Jim: holy crap
08:17:02 Jim: lazy, languid moves
08:17:08 Jim: as he slicks back his hair
08:17:14 Jim: and allows the barest of smiles
08:17:18 Juan: and sprays himself with deodorant
08:17:27 Jim: yeah, covers himself with davidoff's cool water
08:17:30 Juan: he's the continental
08:17:30 Jim: that's what he bathes in

Wayne Rooney scores perhaps the finest goal I've ever seen.
08:21:38 Juan: wow
08:21:42 Jim: oh
08:21:45 Juan: wow
08:21:50 Jim: oh
08:21:54 Juan: um
08:21:55 Juan: wow
08:21:58 Juan: what
08:21:58 Juan: the
08:21:59 Jim: oh my
08:21:59 Juan: fuck
08:22:06 Jim: oh my goodness
08:22:13 Juan: thats a joke, right?
08:22:14 Juan: holy fuck
08:22:19 Juan: that replay is just, wow
08:22:21 Jim: jesus dude
08:22:23 Jim: that is perfect
08:22:28 Juan: even ferguson goes, FUCK
08:22:36 Jim: OH MY GOD
08:22:39 Jim: look at that thing
08:22:46 Jim: chicharito went crazy
08:23:10 Juan: hahahah my goodness
08:23:19 Jim: they do what they want, apparently
08:23:25 Juan: wait
08:23:28 Juan: there's more replays
08:23:37 Juan: ones where joe hart seems a little displeased
08:24:24 Jim: alright citeh, what do you have to say about that?

David Beckham is in attendance! Meanwhile, Citeh look shell-shocked.
08:25:28 Jim: love you david
08:25:58 Juan: how do you recover from that?
08:26:15 Juan: somewhere, noel gallagher just shot up heroin

Final whistle.
08:38:15 Juan: whatever, this is probably better for the world this way
08:38:22 Jim: yeah
08:38:29 Jim: also, that goal
08:38:48 Jim: just absurd
08:39:00 Jim: united will lose to liverpool
08:39:07 Jim: there's no doubt in my mind
08:39:41 Jim: and they could lose to us, too

On Rooney's Overhead Laser Beam, which will henceforth be abbreviated "RGAC" (Rooney's Goal Against Citeh)...
08:40:16 Jim: even good rooney has only a few of those goals in his locker
08:41:05 Juan: whatever
08:41:08 Juan: welcome to the club, citeh
08:41:14 Jim: yep
08:41:18 Juan: wondergoals always beat arsenal
08:41:22 Jim: it's true
08:41:26 Jim: even that last newcastle goal
08:41:32 Jim: i would say: borderline wonder
08:42:08 Juan: borderline?
08:42:12 Juan: jim, it was voted goal of the month
08:42:31 Jim: after rooney's goal...
08:42:35 Juan: well
08:42:39 Jim: i'm no longer impressed by anything.
08:42:48 Juan: we should do that...
08:42:51 Juan: just raise the bar after that
08:42:55 Juan: expecting all goals to look like that
08:43:16 Jim: be like "that was a nice goal. i rate it 1/10th Rooney's goal against Citeh
08:43:33 Jim: or "wow, what a strike: 0.25 Rooney's goal against citeh"
08:45:08 Juan: "i mean, it wasnt an overhead volley to the upper 90"
08:45:14 Juan: "but i guess it was a nice goal by you, too"
08:45:21 Jim: tiote's goal was like 70% RGAC
08:45:37 Jim: great technique
08:45:45 Jim: but he wasn't upside down when he did it
08:46:25 Juan: "Flaws - wasn't done upside down"
08:46:44 Jim: "also, was not flying through the air and contorting his body like an acrobat"
08:46:54 Jim: "-25 RGAC points"

Gearing Up for the Mighty Arsenal...
08:47:15 Juan: alrighty
08:47:20 Juan: 13 minutes till arsenal
08:47:22 Jim: yep
08:47:25 Juan: HOLLER
08:47:29 Jim: you staying on, or heading out?
08:47:36 Juan: i'm staying
08:47:38 Jim: because i think this conversation should continue
08:47:41 Jim: through the first half
08:47:45 Juan: i have a hangover that would kill me if i tried to get up
08:47:54 Jim: big night last night?
08:48:05 Juan: 5 exams in 5 days ended last night sir

ESPN shows highlights from last weekend's disaster.
08:56:36 Juan: thank you, espn
08:56:43 Juan: i had forgotten what happened against newcastle
08:58:05 Jim: i've honestly been trying to forget
08:58:20 Juan: last saturday should be called "Match Fixing Day"
08:58:35 Juan: league wide match-fixing day occurred just 7 days ago

Kickoff for Arsenal. Torrential rain and hail.
09:02:13 Jim: uh, look at this hail
09:02:29 Juan: hail?
09:02:36 Juan: jesus
09:03:06 Juan: hahah based on this winter i thought you were talking about stl
09:03:13 Jim: haha no
09:03:51 Juan: VP is looking fresh today...
09:03:51 Jim: wolves only play well against good teams
09:03:55 Jim: yeah, wilshere too
09:03:59 Juan: he'll probably tear his acl
09:04:19 Jim: dammit juan

Free kick outside the box to Arsenal.
09:04:21 Jim: come on rvp
09:04:27 Jim: do it
09:04:33 Juan: do it
09:04:34 Juan: do it
09:04:36 Jim: dooooo it
09:04:42 Jim: long run up
09:04:48 Juan: do not sail this over the goal
09:04:51 Juan: do not sail this over the goal
09:04:51 Jim: dang

Some slick moves from Adam Hamill. It comes to nothing, and shortly thereafter, RVP strikes and it's 1 nil to the Arsenal!
09:16:56 Jim: wowww
09:17:02 Juan: wow
09:17:04 Juan: just like that
09:17:10 Jim: rvp's goal is nice
09:17:16 Juan: he doesnt appear to be hurt either
09:17:17 Jim: 20% RGAC?
09:17:17 Juan: amazing
09:17:21 Jim: and not hurt
09:17:31 Juan: he had a little sideways going
09:17:33 Juan: i might go 30%
09:17:42 Juan: off foot
09:17:45 Juan: very nice
09:17:55 Jim: yeah

One of us is failing in his duties...
09:32:32 Juan: stop getting ready for brunch jim and watch the game
09:34:24 Jim: sorry dude
09:34:25 Jim: wha happened
09:34:30 Juan: hahaha
09:34:36 Juan: um, arshavin on a break
09:34:44 Juan: walcott with a gaping goal
09:34:46 Juan: saved
09:38:16 Juan: we're locking down though
09:39:04 Jim: djourou and sagna are so good
09:39:27 Juan: sagna especially
09:39:37 Juan: jury is still out for me on djourou
09:39:45 Juan: after that last play, i can see why people hype him

Djourou gets away with a clumsy tackle inside the area. At the other end, Arshavin appears to be brought down.
09:42:19 Jim: great tackle
09:42:43 Jim: or not
09:42:48 Jim: but it looked like one
09:42:51 Jim: in real time
09:43:01 Jim: OK NOW THAT IS A PENALTY DAMMIT
09:43:48 Juan: how does he not give that?
09:43:55 Jim: replay shows that it’s pretty minimal contact
09:44:00 Juan: oh i see
09:44:02 Jim: but i thought it was a pen, i was fooled
09:44:07 Juan: me too
09:44:11 Jim: well honestly, i've seen that given
09:44:14 Juan: i dont know man
09:44:17 Juan: his jersey gets tugged
09:44:21 Juan: that should be an automatic
09:44:27 Jim: that's what i initially thought, too
09:44:29 Juan: apparently this ref has only given 4 pens all year
09:44:42 Juan: that is to say, double what phil bought in 1 game

09:53:11 Jim: bring us to victory
09:53:41 Juan: alright sir
09:53:43 Juan: I’ll send some emails
09:54:05 Juan: enjoy your hollandaise sauce

In the Words of Ice Cube...

"It was a good day." In fact, it was a great football weekend. Let's recap...

I got my grub on, but didn't pig out; finally got a call from a girl I wanna dig out...

Aston Villa 2 - 2 Manchester United. In a way, a United loss would have been pigging out - I don't think I'm alone in having the feeling that if they lost this one, they would bounce back with a five spot against Wigan next weekend. Instead, they get to maintain a false sense of security in their unbeaten run, and can ignore that they've been leapfrogged in the table, drawn two in a row, are relying on the likes of Park and Vidic to get them out of jail, and should have never even beaten Wolves last week. Ring ring. Hello, who's there? Oh, hey Aston Villa... are you telling me you're going to start playing like the side that routinely competes for fifth or sixth and gives the top teams trouble? So good to hear from you...

Looking in my mirror, not a jacker in sight - and everything is alright...

Manchester City 0 - 0 Birmingham City. As an Arsenal fan, please allow me to redirect something towards Citeh, something that every Arsenal hater has been telling me ad infinitum (and not without good reason) for the past few years: "these are the games you have to win to be a contender." Chelsea, Arsenal, and United are looking in their rear view mirrors, and they're increasingly unafraid of what they see.

Saw the police, and they rolled right past me...

Juventus 1 - Roma 1. This is not so much a positive as it is an aversion of disaster (for both teams). All in all, a very entertaining match, and either side could have won (and either side could have had players booked or even sent off, especially near the end when it got chippy). But as it is, two good teams made sure they didn't lose big while going for the win, and two fine strikers added to their tally. Nobody got arrested, and the title remains a viable goal.

Woke her up around one, she didn't hesitate to call Ice Cube the top gun...

Barcelona 3 - 1 Villareal. I don't hesitate to call Leo Messi the top gun, and neither should you. Two goals from him (he's so good, that I expect him to score his first the way he does now... he's officially patented the double give and go, and we're all spoiled for it), and the Blaugrana got to sit top for about 24 hours.

Today was like one of those fly dreams...

Chelsea 0 - 3 Sunderland. The kind of fly dream where Sunderland drop three goals. On Chelsea. At Stamford Bridge. Three well-deserved goals, might I add. It was the kind of fly dream in which Ashley Cole passes it directly to the other team to set up an icing-on-the-cake goal. Well played, Steve Bruce. Well played Danny Welbeck and Asamoah Gyan. And extremely well played Nedum Onuoha, doing his best Messi imitation for the opener. Mmm, positively dreamy.

Even saw the lights of the Goodyear Blimp, and it read: "Ice Cube's a pimp."

Hercules 2 - 1 Real Sociedad and Atletico Madrid 3 - 0 Osasuna. The Goodyear Blimp being La Liga (make of that what you will), and the shining lights being two TLOCA favorites, David Trezeguet (captured in the act of reasoning with the ball and convincing it that the goal is its proper home) and Diego Forlan, who got back on target for their respective sides. That's just a nice bonus, and a reminder that class is permanent. When Trez and Forlan go to sleep at night, they see their names on that blimp.

Drunk as hell, but no throwing up...

Everton 1 - 2 Arsenal. Arsenal continue to grind out tough wins on the road while surrendering easy ones at home. We scored two classy goals (Bacary!?!), and got a little too comfortable. But despite getting drunk and reeling a bit at the end, Lukasz Fabianski provided the voice of reason and prevented us from pulling the trigger and losing two points. We may have a bit of a hangover tomorrow, but thank goodness we didn't boot all over Goodison Park. Although we wouldn't have been the first to do it.

I got to say, it was a good day.

Amen. (And Jose Mourinho and AC Milan agree.)

7 Hours of Soccer Later

And we're just getting started.

At around 10:15 today I yawned, took another swig of Guinness, and felt for the void. It was gone. Soccer was back. Tottenham and Manchester City played what might be the most exciting nil-nil draw I can remember. In summary, Joe Hart made Robert Green and David James look like drunken hobos. Next up was Everton vs. Blackburn. After ten minutes of boring play, and worse, sharp pink Everton jerseys burning my retinas, it was time to change the channel. When Ted and I arrived at the Aston Villa game it was 1-nil to Villa and already they were on their 9th corner. The play flowed nicely, Villa's checkered-trim jerseys pleased the eyes, and the defense was abject. A professional finish from James Milner turned Villa park into a swimming pool and the commentators cued up nostalgic, "Is this the last goal for James Milner in a Villa jersey? :( " questions.

This is no time for a rant, but James Milner leaving Villa for Saudi oil money is wrong in every sporting way. He is a hero at Villa and a key contributor for a competitive squad. The only foreseeable upgrade for him is wages, and the cost is likely to be all sporting aspects that kids dream about when they say they want to be a professional footballer. These kids have obviously never been paid. But this story is as close as you can get to formulating an equation for the price of greatness, as it were. For an extra 20% on his salary, Milner is no longer adored, no longer a hero, no longer "the guy", and who knows if he'll still start next year. I'm sure Adebayor thought he'd be a regular too. That's probably a bad comparison though, because he was never adored. (We've got Arshavin...something something Adebayor)

Anyway. Milner is surely off to join the other 45 over-paid mercenaries at Manchester Citeh. Only 25 of which, are relevant. Grill up a sausage, pick up some toasted ravioli and a dollop of the best German garlic-mustard I have ever had was the lunch menu during the Chelsea - blank fixture.

The commentators, as if watching a horse be put down, introduced the West-Brom lineup. "Well this is unlucky for West Brom -- the fixture computer drawing them against Chelsea." Ha! As if the title holders were going to open against anything other than a punching bag. Six-nil was my call - I have a witness - and it made me no money because I put nothing on it. In fact, after Chelsea's inexcusable second goal, the product of a gaping wall, it was nap time. "And its FOUR for Chelsea... ... Five-nil to the champions... ... Well taken for SIX".

It wasn't the greatest nap, though I did wake up refreshed. The Bolton-Fulham replay came on; we already knew the outcome and immediately turned it off.

"We just conquered seven hours of soccer and it feels great," Ted said. "I'll see you tomorrow."

I can't wait. We're just getting started.

The State of the Union

With the Champions League finally back this week it's time to look at the state of the English Premier League. So, as per the table:

Chelsea - 58 pts
I was hoping to title this post, John Terry Wants To Have Your Abortion, with this fabulous picture to match. My favorite headline is far and away, "Chelsea captain Terry delighted with another clean sheet." You see Mr. Terry doesn't fancy protection and well... you get it right?

Anyway, can Terry and his boys go the distance is the question United and Arsenal wait to find out. And only United have any more say in the matter head-to-head on April 3rd. Chelsea's upcoming games are:
win, City, win, win, win, Aston Villa, at United, win, at Tottenham, win, at Liverpool, win.

Everton, in their incredible form as of late, beat Chelsea last week and kept the Prem interesting. But perhaps there are more points to be miscarried with at least five more non-guaranteed games coming up. The climax of this season could get a bit sticky for Mr. Terry and recent deadline transfers James Westfall and Dr. Kenneth Noisewater.

Manchester United - 57 points
United have been my surprise of the season so far. I wagered a cheap jersey of choice that Rooney wouldn't score 15 goals this season in the EPL. He has 21 with fourteen games to go. My only way out of this wager is if United doesn't finish in the top two as I required that his success must also lead to United success. So, needless to say I didn't see this coming at all.

Rooney has carried this squad for every league game thus far and his absurd form has England fans in rapture when they think about the World Cup. He grabbed his ankle a few games back and the announcer half-joked that all of England was holding their breath. A few moments passed and he chuckled nervously as even he realized he might be right. I have yet to see a striker in the past 5 years look so confident and so comfortable in front of goal as Rooney in domestic play. We're in Ruud and Raul territory here. This hurts me. Moving on.

Valencia and more so, Nani, seem to be coming around and with Ferguson's genius coupled with Carrick's anti-football United are still in it. Their upcoming games are:
at Everton, win, win, win, Liverpool, win, Chelsea, win, at City, Tottenham, win, win.

In earnest I don't expect Everton to help out anymore than they already have, but at City could be interesting. In reality this unstoppable red and indebted train has only Chelsea in their path. As much as I want to talk myself into Pool and City and Tottenham posing a threat, I just can't do it.

Arsenal - 52 pts
TLOCA has turned their attention to the Champions League as the last trophy we have a good chance at hoisting. I refuse to get suckered into the EPL again. Not gonna do it. Well... I guess we can look at their remaining games:
win, win, win, win, win, win, win, at Tottenham, win, City, win, win.

Oh no. It's happening. I can't believe it, but yes, if we get 32 points out of our remaining 14 games the EPL is ours. We're still alive. We are. Seriously, we are.

Liverpool - 44 pts
I am confident they will remain in the Top 4. If vegas would give me better than 11/10 that they will I'd throw something on it, but even money is not worth shite. Upcoming:
at City (!!), blah, blah, blah, at United, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Chelsea, blah.

Liverpool have a real opportunity here to propel Arsenal to the top in their quest to remain in the top 4. So again, I'm confident (looking at you gimpy Torres) that Liverppol will remain in the top 4.

Manchester City - 44 points - Two (!) games in hand.
Greedy-bayooooooooooooorrr, Greedy-bayooooooOOOOOR. His dad has a lowly profession and his mum is a whore.

I have no issues calling someone's mother a whore. My issue is with the racial undertones of chanting that his father washes elephants. Juventus got absolutely skewered when they sang "There's never been a black Italian" (or directly translated to, there's never been an italian born black) and English teams should get some negative press for singing the Adebayor song too. Show me the video of Ade running 100 yards to celebrate his mediocre goal and I'm liable to change my mind and throw something sharp, but for now I don't like the chant.

Here's the reason why I don't think City can hold on:
blah , Liverpool, Chelsea, Tottenham, -, -, -, -, -, United, Arsenal, Villa, -

That's brutal. And that's the thing about the top four - you have to beat them to get there. It sounds stupid to say, but Arsenal don't have to play Arsenal two times a year. And obviously what I mean is that Arsenal have 6 games against top 4 opponents, City have 8. And if you're City you haven't earned the respect to have McCarthy send out 11 training ground players and concede three points. Teams believe they can beat you, and thus try harder. Belonging in the Top 4 is like being a New York Times Bestseller. Did you earn it, or is the fact that you're labeled one make it easier to be one. .... Yeah. Anyway, that made sense when I started the sentence.
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Porto on Wednesday and frankly I love, but am not in love with, a 4-nil thrashing that allows my new lust Carlos Vela some playing time in the second leg. Come on Carlitos!

Myeoma, myeoma and Weekend Preview

Touch, touch, touch, and touch. If Uruguay does well at the World Cup there is a good chance I'll play this song on repeat and dance for 36 hours straight. Normally Jim Stanley does the Weekend Preview but I've decided to give it a crack.

(all times Eastern)

Saturday

7:45 am - Stoke City vs. Wigan Athletic
Before you immediately X the screen and get annoyed that you've doubly wasted your time reading this blog, just remember that this game is on Espn. So out of principle, since we all want Espn to buy more Premier League games, you should tune in. Not to mention that getting up to watch soccer is the most pleasant of alarm clocks. You can snooze a little during half-time or have breakfast. Soccer this early in the morning is a good thing, even if it is only between two squads that are frisky at best.

10:00 am - Bolton vs. Manchester City
The Citeh is on a tear as of late and this match is on Fox Soccer Channel. In case our reader didn't know, Veetle.com is a nice place to watch any games currently showing on FSC or GolTV if you don't get those channels at home. And so far as I know I haven't downloaded any viruses or had my identity stolen yet. Manchester City is a permanent fixture on my watch-list this year if they don't conflict with the other TLOCA teams because they are one of two teams in my opinion that can break up the big four (pictured*). The other team was Hull City at the beginning of the season but now is more reasonably Tottenham if only for their propensity to explode offensively.

12:30 pm - Manchester United vs. Aston Villa FSC (note the 30 minute lunch break)
As much as I want to hype this contest to be a close one I can't bring myself to do it. United will be playing at Old Trafford having won its last 5 meaningful games and Aston Villa, who choke harder than Latrelle Sprewell, have tied or lost 7 of their last 10 games. Only one of those came against the big four, Chelsea. This one will end 3 nil and by the 80th minute you'll realize suddenly it's been an extremely one-sided contest and a typical United win. BOOOO. Whatever, its still the U, and therefore you must watch.

2:30 pm - Bari vs. Juventus FSC
No, the bitterness hasn't subsided yet. This year the inevitable Juventus crash out of the Champions League was a bit more sour than usual simply because this year's team was a better team than last year, and much more suited for the CL. All of this in spite of the fact that it was clear they didnt' have it, whatever it is that makes a team's impending failures tremendously obvious. Think Hleb and Flamini leaving with no reasonable replacements at Arsenal. So, in summary, David Trezeguet should be starting and that's why you should watch.

Sunday

9:00 am - Atalanta vs. Inter
This is a highly comical match-up we, as followers, are privy to twice a year because Atalanta and Inter have the exact same uniforms. Thus, if you're hung over just enough you might go the whole first half wondering when Inter signed Robert Acquafresca and why he's starting over Samuel Eto'o. To be frank, the only reason I watch Inter nowadays is because I hate Jose Mourinho and I want to understand why Inter, with their mostly uninspiring squad achieves any success at all. I don't get it and it's almost as if every time I watch them play I get further and further from the answer.

11:00 am - Liverpool vs. Arsenal FSC
If you had forgotten, Arshavin scored four goals against this team in what was the most disappointing yet insignificant draw in Arsenal history. I expect a win and even though Torres will be back and will surely score a hat-trick, we should still win 5-3. This game is unfortunately somewhat irrelevant since the season will be decided for Arsenal come January 27th, when they play, in order, Aston Villa, Manchester United, Chelsea and Liverpool. I am not looking forward to that.

Enjoy the weekend.




*From left to right; David Lloyd (Britain), Vittorio Orlando (Italy), George Clemenceau (France) and Woody Wilson (USA). The beauty of this photo, also coined, "The Big Four," is that Arsenal is clearly Clemenceau, Man Utd Woodrow, Chelsea Lloyd, though those two can be interchanged, and Vittorio, Liverpool, is trying to stay relevant even then. I think we know how this story ends. I feel like I've written this before...

Game Notes

I have some catching up to do.

Chelsea 1, Aston Villa 0
This is the beginning of Villa's brutal schedule. To their credit they do have quite the Nelly feat. Kelly Rowland. They need to balance the Uefa Cup this year and try to maintain a top 4 table position for the Champions League next year. If you're thinking they can do both then you're kidding yourself so throw that out the window. And while it may seem like a no-brainer to go for the Champions League qualifying spot, ask Arsenal and Chelsea what its like to go for the glory and get nothing in return. Moreover, it feels odd for a team such as Aston Villa to blow off the Uefa Cup when they've showed such patience to get here in the first place. The unfortunate fact for them is that it appears they're trying to do both and again, only those bastards at Manchester United have that kind of depth.

Aside - I just read a poorly written story on soccernet (shocking, I know) about Rooney calling for the quadruple. It made me nauseated for two reasons. The first is that I throw around "quadruple" when I'm drunk at parties and trying to instigate belligerance. The second is that United are one game (Carling), one formality (the League now that Liverpool lost again), one repeat (The Chammmmmpions) and a lucky draw (the FA cup) from actually succeeding. That sentence was very wordy but I'm trying to say that they're very, very close to making this happen. I'm talking about the quadruple here folks and I'm not drunk nor trying to instigate a fight. Sick to my stomach indeed.

Anyway, I turned on this game (Aston Villa-Chelsea if I've lost you with my ramblings) in the 60th minute and hear from the announcers that a, "superb finish" from Anelka has Chelsea on top. Ugh. I go to 101greatgoals.com just to see it and I guess it was alright. This is of course after Jim just credited Anelka and I conceded mentally to his current EPL prowess. Double sigh. 1-nil against Aston, great! Yikes, did I really think that? I did. I even talked about how bad it feels to root against Villa later that day with Jim. Whatever, when they had chances I still instinctually wanted them to level.

Chelsea holds on and I promise that an Arsenal win will justify my elitism. Segway.


Arsenal 0, Sunderland 0
The debut of my obsession, my hope, my light, Andrei Arshavin. 10 minutes in Arshavin cuts in from the corner of the box and rips a venemous shot. It was saved without too much glamour but I get goosebumps when I see the replay and imagine what could have been. Wait a second? Did Arshavin just shoot the ball? I'm sure that will be corrected by Wenger soon enough. No shooting allowed on this squad, more on this later. I continue to gush over every pass and to my credit, he does pass a really nice ball. Always well weighted. Wenger takes him out at the 61st minute - I knew Arsene wouldn't give me 90 but I'm just being emotional now - and I finally blink. On my way back down to earth I realize that hey, it's nil-nil and we kinda, wait, really need these three points. No need to fear, Nicklas Bendtner is in. That is to say, clearly this game ends 0-0. I sign on to TLOCA and see that we have a comment! I poop my pants a little when I see that someone has commented on the blog. It's Jake, he's rubbing in Arsenal's "typical" performance. The timestamp is 30 seconds after Arsenal finished nil-nil... bastard.


Manchester United 2, Blackburn 1
For not so subtle reasons whenever Arsenal fails to produce I find myself watching United. I make lunch when Rooney gets his gift, of course, United gets all the breaks. But wait, Roque Santa Cruz breaks through and ends United's stupid clean sheet streak. Finally! I was getting really tired of reading about it. Plus VanDerSar annoys me.

Cristiano stands over a free kick and I think to myself, hmm, its been awhile since he's scored a spot kick. He does just that and I text Jim angrily. It's just the goal they need and right at the time when you need it - before the 65th minute in the 2nd half of a tie game. I fully expect this game to finish 4-1 now but no, just 2-1.

Juventus 2, Palermo 0
If you're keeping count at home this has been an ideal Saturday. Arsenal at 10, United at 12:30, Juve at 2:30 with a Chelsea-Villa appetizer.

Momo Sissoko smashes home an outrageous give-and-go and this gets my blood moving. Italian soccer is easier to watch. It just is. Think Lost vs. Arrested Development. Both enjoyable shows but one a comedy and the other a drama. I can't believe I failed to mention this is Trezeguet's first start since his knee injury. An ideal Saturday indeed because Treze scores from an Amauri cross, seals the deal and I catch him joyously screaming at some fans. I like David.

Maryland 82, North Carolina 80
Bitch holler. Bring back miss Shiavo for one more go. 4-8 against RPI-top50. 2 wins against top 5 opponents. If they beat NC State and Virginia and don't get blown out at Wake, one win in the conference tourney and I have them in. And a streaky 10 seed they will be.

Liverpool 1, Manchester Citeh 1
Citeh is a dangerous team in a schizophrenic sort of way. I went to a conference on societal stigma towards mental health issues the other week and I'm sorry that I just associated schizophrenia to danger but come on.

I check the headline on soccernet for some sensationalized analysis and they don't let me down, "Liverpool title hopes crushed." Have I mentioned that I hate soccernet? Anyways, yeah, Liverpool probably can't afford to leave points on the pitch anymore. Is anyone really surprised? I know Ben isn't here to defend Liverpool but seriously, nobody actually thought they would hold off United did they? The Premiership was decided once United beat Chelsea 3-zip in January. Over, done, lets not talk about it anymore.

The Champions League is next. I go pee a little bit whenever I think about Tuesday/Wedensday. Just a little bit. Like a drop of pee squeezes out. Yay!

Statistical Analysis of What David Banner Will Do To You On The Dance Floor

Place yourself in the Middle East. The United Arab Emirates to be precise. You're a shop owner set up in a prominent bazaar selling the finest needle point rugs for, arguably, market price. A man walks up, he has just purchased a neighboring rug stand and asks you how much your rugs cost. He even asks about some of the rugs in your house, the ones that aren't really for sale.

Hmmm, I'll consider ten thousand (even though I paid way less).

Great, I'll give you a hundred thousand - so it's settled.

What?
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Sound familiar? It does to AC Milan, Juventus, Manchester United and surely more to follow. The oil prince owners of Manchester City have begun the newest social experiment in sports. Think the Yankees times 5 or 10. Money does not factor into the formula where it once did.

The evolution of sports contracts and player performance indicates a shrewd connection between the two. The story is rather banal with only a few variables here and there. Rookie prospect is highly touted and signed to a medium length, conservative contract with team. Newbie acclimates to the game at the professional level and either realizes full potential or busts out like almost every first round WR or QB. Newbie that realizes full potential destroys the competition year in and year out, steadily increasing until it becomes time to sign a new extremely lucrative deal (think Theo Walcott). Newbie buys mother an estate all for herself and totals ferraris without scathe.

That story is the first 1/3rd of a typical star player's journey through sports. Once a megadeal is signed enormous pressure mounts on the star player and expectations are formed. Player either crumbles under the pressure (very common, think Shevchenko, Recoba, Ronaldinho at Barca, Adriano until 2 months ago, Robinho perhaps right now, Van Persie (yes Jim, the year isn't over yet), Adebayor*, the list goes on.) or they flourish - David Beckham, That boy Ronaldo, Messi, soon to be Aguero. The rumors fly about these players. Dreams need to be met**, championships won, tangible things need to accomplished now that star player has proven his individual talent within megadeal - Zidane, Henry if Barca do things, Peyton Manning, Kevin Garnett, Beckham (he's kinda re-writing the journey isn't he, anyway).

Once the pieces are in place the star player enters the final third of their sports journey where they start to decline mostly because of age but also a bit because of motivation. Segway into the graph I made at work because I was bored.

I don't want to alarm anyone, but it's kind of a big deal. The blue talent gradient is to indicate a general minimal and maximum level of talent on average to play professional soccer. Yes, Bendtner is lower than the minimum level. The purple line indicates the total performance of the average player based on their current pay scale. The curve is intended to fit legitimate prospects.

The asterisk is where a majority of young prospects find themselves. They have a certain level of talent but it's hard to tell exactly where they fall because they're highly motivated by getting that lucrative contract. This is the state in which Arsenal exists - a bunch of young kids trying to eat. Well, not just eat, dine in a Maybach is more like it.

The blue/yellow area is invariably where most of the prospects settle into once they've gotten that paper. That is to say, the talent level they always possessed. The, "busts," are the ones who are near the bottom, overpaid and playing below not only expectations, but talent level as well. This is why you can't call Bendtner a bust - he's not necessarily playing below his talent level.

Anyhoo the upswing in the graph represents those players earning middle to high salaries already and suddenly experience this burst in talent. This is the effect of being in a contract year, or as Jim has once referenced (and rappers I believe), the Adrian Beltre effect. The boats, estates, limos and hookers aren't gonna pay themselves so these players turn up the juice for one final run at a big contract. Most of them stay in the trough and don't make it back up to their basal talent level.

Now we've reached the dollar sign point, enter Manchester City. Abu Dabi intends to create a team of superstars, players that have proven themselves to be the best in the world and overpay them to the point where overpaid doesn't really describe the situation. As it turns out, it's not about the money. Kaka showed that. Man Utd show that by keeping Cristiano. Buffon in a slightly humorous self-depricating way is trying to keep the order but Juventus too should elevate itself above the business centered sports world.

But here at TLOCA we wonder what would happen if Kaka had made the right choice? What if Cristi decides to follow the bank down Ashton New Road? Will the curve head downwards like most overpaid athletes or will they get better? It hasn't happened yet so it's anyone's guess but the optimist in me thinks that it could really work. If you take money out of the athlete's mind (The Big Tymers once refrenced a platinum football field, I treat that as the zenith) then the athlete can play for all the right reason. My only evidence of this working - superstars combining to put their egos aside for the benefit of clowning on the opposition - is the Dream and ReDeem Team. The catch is that nationalism assumes the place of motivation. And a real sense of performing well to represent something bigger than you is awfully difficult to achieve. The thought of Robinho, Kaka, Cristi, Buffon, David Villa, Fernando Torres, Cannavaro and Materazzi (with Carlos Bueno off the bench) on the same team pleases me greatly. Enough so that I have to believe this squad would just decide to have fun and dominate the sport for the sake of enjoying soccer in a way they never really thought possible before.

Either that or get relegated.
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*who's turning point in his career will tragically be remembered by the thought of Wenger turning down a "747 full of money" for the striker. Hey Arsene, can we uh, fly that plane back?

**Dreams like going to play for Real Madrid and dating nice homely curvacious Spanish women that love to scream out, "OHHHH ses!, OH ses!, Ses Fah-breh-gas!! Ven aqui chico!

If I Had a Million Dollars...

...per week, I would be Kaka in a Manchester City shirt. Apparently, that's how much they're prepared to pay him for his services. Milan, meanwhile, stand to get well over 200 million dollars (107 million pounds) if they consent.

There is absolutely no way any player is worth that much. No. Way. This is totally insane. And if I were AC Milan, I would take the money and laugh uproariously as I spent it retooling the entire midfield and defense. If they don't approve this deal, they're making a terrible mistake. Throw him out the door if you have to, just GET THAT MONEY!

Some might say that Kaka shouldn't leave for the money when he'd be leaving one of the most storied clubs in world football for a team struggling to avoid relegation in its domestic league. But then again, necklaces made out of the crystallized tears of 50 beautiful Brazilian virgins aren't cheap. GET MONEY!

Fancy Seeing You Here

And we're back. We apologize for any inconveniences. You see, every now and then Jim and I take life too seriously and it leads to silly things like not posting for 50 days... even when we have alot to write about. Let's get right to it -

Manchester Citeh - While they may be small time now, TLOCA doesn't think that will last for long. Relevant competition, namely ManU, Chelsea, Arsenal, and Pool will not match Citeh during this year's transfer window. Chelsea has openly stated they're not making any splashes - Abromavich may be feeling this so called global crisis, who knows, but Big Phil has everyone he wants. ManU is currently holding the Double, I can't imagine they're gonna shake things up. Arsenal's spending, or lack thereof, needs no further elaboration. That leaves Liverpool, who for all practical purposes is Citigroup in this anxious atmosphere of bank runs - trying desperately to stay afloat, succeeding with good forsight, but liable to collapse at any time.

So that leaves Citeh as the only representative of the prestigious English Premier League at the transfer window party. Anyone that has ever been good at soccer is currently linked to ManCity but if they acquire even a minimal fraction of that talent pool they'll be scary. Robinho seems as comfortable as Lil Wayne in the VIP section of a club with a grocery bag full of money. Lets just suppose they pick up Craig Bellamy, Santa Cruz, not exactly long shots, and a surprise transfer in David Villa. Can this team still be ignored? I realize they're currently sitting NewCastle right now, that is to say mid-table, and staring at 22 points, but this saudi prince and his ridiculous fat stack isn't going anywhere. And finishing NewCastle (midtable) is likely to make matters more pressing during the transfer window. I'm worried, that's all I'm sayin.

*Yes Arsenal is Bear Stearn, Chelsea is Lehmans and ManU probably JPMorgan.

Juande Ramos - well I think it's safe to say Tottenham made a mistake here. If you break up with a dude and a week later he's seen dating Gisele, you probably made a mistake. Real clearly saw something there and even though La Liga has been decided already I can see Juande sticking around for quite some time. Real Madrid just got a bit stale after success, kinda like what ManU is likely to do this year and perhaps next. Once they get Cristi and Fabregas though they'll be peach.

Speaking of Tottenham - I think they're Euro2008 stars are beginning to gel, and that's a bad thing for Arsenal. Pavyluchenko, seen to your right, is so hot right now and Luca Modric isn't slouching either. I bet they take home Carling and finish the season on a positive note. As Wayne would say, they let the beat build.

Free kick spray - this isn't getting enough attention. If it actually works it seems like a brilliant idea. I can see Euro 2012 implementing it in full and it catching fire from there. The Euro's have tried zanier things before - kinda like showing yellow to anyone that shoves during corner kicks. Granted, the corner kick crack down lasted about as long as the high strike - something I still call for to this day - but hey, the creeping must stop.

Arsenal for the Double - During my 50 day sabbatical I jotted down short notes that would remind me of a subject I wanted to write about. This was one of them. Um, so yeah, some time in previous 50 days I had a convincing argument for Arsenal at the Double. Yeah

101 great goals dot com. If you haven't stumbled on this site before, make a point to do it now. I used to scrap for highlights, now I just use this site. It's not blocked on my government computer either so I imagine you can check it out at work.

Spain and Germany get no love. The lack of coverage for La Liga and the Bundes is stark. Although La Liga is already decided the Bundes is anyone's game. TLOCA will make a point from here on out to cover more of the Bundesliga.

The Champions League Draw - One of the most impressive, anticipated match-ups for an entire round. I can't wait to watch them all. Every single tie.

In the meantime this is a fairly big weekend for the EPL, TLOCA will check back in after what should be a very entertaining sports weekend.

Spotlight on England

For a big match. And before that, an enormous one.

All eyes in the soccer world will look this weekend to that funny little island off the coast of France where people eat their fish and chips in the rain and occasionally spill tea on their knickers. So what have we got?

New Chelsea (3rd) vs. Chelsea (1st). This is a huge game, and don't let anyone fool you into thinking otherwise. Robinho makes his debut against the team that openly pursued him for four months. Chelsea won't have the luxury of calling on Essien (something they'll have to get used to). And after all that dismissive talk about how Citeh aren't really a big club, how fired up do you think the supporters at the City of Manchester Stadium will be? Don't get me wrong: beating the Blues won't make them a big club. But it just might be the first step on the road to greatness. And it will send a huge message to the league. Alternatively, a convincing Chelsea victory will have to solidify their status as early favorites for the title.













Liverpool (2nd) vs. Manchester United (9th). This is one of the five biggest rivalries in football, and one of the largest in sports. Torres and Gerrard should be fit. Berbatov has traded in his lily white for devilish red. In terms of sheer ability, we may see the two best strikers in the league facing off against each other. But as usual, that probably won't be the story. It will be all about Reina and van der Sar, Carragher and Ferdinand, Mascherano and Scholes. It will be about possession, about mistakes, and it will be ugly. There will be blood. There may not be goals. And the Kop will be very, very loud.

I'm going out on a limb and predicting wins for both home teams. Chelsea have slowed after their firecracker start and Citeh must be chomping at the bit to get out on the field and show what they can do. And in the North England showdown, I happen to think United are ripe for the plucking. It's asking a lot of a Liverpool side that look even more lackluster to start the season than usual, but when El Nino is in the equation, things don't seem so impossible. And hey, it's Anfield right? Right?

We Need to Talk...

About a lot of things. Starting today, I'm recommitting myself completely to this blog. Let's work backwards, so on today's agenda:

1. England. I know a girl (who shares the majority of her first name with that of Arsenal's Fabregas) with dual English and American citizenship. Her uncle happens to be the English teacher and translator for a certain Fabio Capello. And the next time I talk to her, I'm going to ask her to tell "Uncle Pete" that he's done a hell of a job. Whatever Capello is telling the England team seems to be getting through loud and clear.

Going to Croatia, almost every sportswriter and blogger in England was hoping for a defensive approach. Which makes sense, given England's recent history against the Croats and the hostility of the environment. Instead, Capello put out a lineup with Heskey and Rooney up front and Joe Cole and Theo on the wings. Amazing decision.

Of course, this took guts. But thus far, Capello has been rewarded for his attacking mindset, primarily by the two wingers. Walcott in particular has been absolute dynamite in his last two starts. When was the last time England scored a goal like this? The answer, I believe, may be never.

2. France. Jesus Christ. What do you think Domenech has to do to get sacked? Burn down the Louvre? Knock over the Arc de Triomphe with a bulldozer? Shoot Sarkozy in the face with a shotgun? They just lost 3-1 TO AUSTRIA. And today they had to be rescued by Thierry and le Sulk after falling behind to Serbia. Somebody please fire this man.

3. Essien. Apparently, he's done for the majority of the season. Too bad Chelsea don't have any depth in midfield. But in all seriousness, that's a big blow; if you asked me to name the player currently in England I would most want on my team, his name would be near the top, if not number one.

4. Manchester City. Apparently, life is now imitating art, as the English Premier League becomes Football Manager 2009. Part of me hates that this has happened, but the other part of me is secretly enjoying it for a few reasons. First, I like to see Chelsea uncomfortable. And they clearly are after being outbid for Robinho. Second, I like to see United uncomfortable. And when your crosstown rival pulls a stunt like this, you should be worried. Third, I wouldn't mind seeing a shake-up of the Big Four. I can hear it now: "But Jim, aren't you an Arsenal supporter? Your club will be the first to go!" Maybe so, but I happen to think that because Wenger has never relied heavily on the high-stakes pissing contest that is the transfer window, this won't make much difference. And finally, wouldn't it be kind of fun to see Cesc Fabregas lay a perfect through ball for Cristiano Ronaldo, who beats two defenders and then gives it a cheeky backheel flick for an onrushing Fernando Torres? I know, I know. But still.

5. King Kev. It seems like only yesterday Juan and I were laughing hysterically and screaming "long may he reign" every time the camera cut to a justifiably irritated Keegan on the sidelines of the Arsenal-Newcastle game. And though we were mocking him then, I have to say that I respect the man as a a manager and that things must be really bad inside the Toon boardroom for him to up and resign like that. Owner Mike Ashley seems like a cool dude in some ways (for one thing, he sits with the fans and routinely does things like this), but methinks he's made a big mistake in alienating the King.

6. The Serie A. Juan's analogy was dead right. I'm still waiting for my phone call from this chick. The only thing I took away from the opening weekend is the fact that Alberto Gilardino looks to be playing with a major chip on his shoulder. Which makes Fiorentina a very unpleasant opponent for the other Italian teams and a potential sleeper for success in the Champions League.