It's Our 100th Post!

And the Champions League is back! As if anyone needed reminding.

Chelsea and Inter should romp to victory. Nobody knows what to expect from Roma. And Barcelona-Sporting, PSV-Atletico, and Marseilles-Liverpool should be good matches. Stay tuned for more...

Looney Toons

Read this story from the BBC.

Before I get into the story I first wanted to comment on the writing and general professionalism over at ESPNsoccernet. I've been noticing for quite some time now that the pictures Soccernet puts up on its front page to break a story are often times ridiculous. A few weeks ago when Tevez signed his big deal for United, they posted a picture of him celebrating after a goal looking absolutely crazy. You're going to have to trust me when I say that it was much, much less flattering than this one. Now I understand he's not the most photogenic footballer on the planet, but this is not the first time they've posted a purposely unflattering picture. Since I'm lazy and didn't take screen shots all the times I noticed an exceptionally ridiculous photo, I can only mention that you look out for it in the future.

I have also started to note more and more that the writing at soccernet is horribly underwhelming. Much like Wayne Rooney, I can't remember the last time a story has impressed me. The irony is ripe within this criticism as of course you, our reader, begins to think, "well I can't remember the last time you impressed me either!" Seriously though, when's the last time you read something like, "As I examine the stars, I see Leo rising, Scorpio waning, Jupiter in the seventh house, and just a whole bunch of complete and utter nonsense which tells me that Raymond Domenech isn't fit to coach in my old Olivette soccer league," on Espn? Your answer is very likely to be, never.

Similarly, I don't understand any of the humor they insert when I detect traces of it in their stories. And don't tell me that I don't understand English humor - I've always maintained that the UK version of the Office is better than our version of it. It's just that when they try to be funny, they're not, very reminiscent of Carlos Mencia. And hopefully I'm not in the minority here because it's something I've noticed since Jimbo and I started this blog. (I knew Mencia wasn't funny the first time I heard him).

I think this story typifies what I'm trying to say - and for the record, I found this story after I decided to write this. The picture is funny for a second, but then when you realize you wasted your time reading the story, the joke is suddenly on you.

Anyway, back to the story at hand. Jim touched on this subject in a previous post but clearly poop has hit the fan. Or rather, poop has hit the fans (get it!)...

Delirious fans aggravate the hell out of me. It's one of the many reasons I hate Boston sports, hated on Liverpool fans last year, and have current beef with Castlers. What's beef you may ask? Beef is when you have a billionaire owner willing to shake things up, and the fans want more. Beef is when Mike Ashley learned the hard lesson not to mix business and pleasure - cough, Arthur Blank, John Edwards, cough. But in this modern business tragedy, there was actually a catharsis, rather than Chapter 11.

Mike Ashley put the team up for sale and fired right back at the delirious unknowing fans of sodom and gamorrah. (I'm thoroughly convinced of this analogy by the way, make it work and its funny... mostly the sodomy part).

So what Juan? You ranted for several long paragraphs, distracting me from my ever important work, and for what?
Well I wanted you to remember that this type of thing does not happen. A, "phyuck you guys" of this magnitude has never happened. This type of thing is something a fantasy football commissioner would do, not a billionaire owner. The fans thought they knew better. They couldn't understand why NewCastle wasn't part of the big four. They wanted King Kev, who might very well be a good coach on the field, but a terrible manager off of it. They pretended to know what happens behind closed doors and Mike Ashley finally had enough and let this small, beautiful emotion do the talking - vindication.

Oh NewCastle nation, you know not what you do. And hey, I might be wrong, I might be way over the top here - English soccer is a relatively new thing to me. But maybe that's what lets me see clearly. And something I've learned is that nobody is guaranteed relevance. Ask Leeds United, ask major league baseball in the mid 90s, ask Jeremy Roenick.

So go yee Castle fans, mobilise and fix all your problems. Revitalize Michael Owen to late 1990s form. Rehabilitate that disrespectful thug Joey Barton with all your cheers and praise. See if Mike Ashley cares.

Matthieu Flamini: "I've Made a Huge Mistake."

No, he didn't actually say that. But the thought must have at least crossed his mind (in French, of course), as Milan fell to Genoa in their second straight defeat. And it's not as though he'll get a chance to take his mind off their woeful league start with a Champions League tie in midweek.

The more you think about it, the more the Flamster's new club looks like what I like to call a reputation team. It's a club that supporters fear because of its big names, but that players all secretly know are beatable. The New York Yankees, since 2004, have descended into a reputation team. Sir Alex tried to imply that Chelsea were one (they're not). Barcelona are in real danger of having that label applied to them.

Essentially, Milan has compiled an All-Star team... from 2003. Ambrosini has no business starting anymore. Something is still wrong with Pirlo. Inzaghi shot his wad in the 2007 Champions League final. Maldini is perhaps the greatest defender of all time, but he's 40 years old (and was responsible for the penalty today with a very reckless challenge). Seedorf is also a legend, and has won pretty much everything a footballer can win, but his last two seasons have been really unproductive. The airlines somehow lost Shevchenko's talent and goalscoring boots on his flight from Milan to London; I doubt he'll find them again in Italy. Kaka and Ronaldinho together should be able to unlock the vault to Fort Knox, but today, they were completely ineffective in unlocking a mediocre Genoa defense. If Arsenal had a chance to take any of their players, I'd say thanks, but no thanks to just about everyone except Kaka, Flamini, and Pato. For serious.

It's Early, But...

I like the way this season is shaping up. Things are weird. Things are exciting. There have been a lot of upsets, and a lot of goals. Will the situation settle down, and will the same clubs that seem to always dominate their respective leagues rise to the surface? Yeah, probably. But for the moment, let's enjoy:

1. Liverpool over Man U. Not a huge upset, but an upset nonetheless (which I correctly predicted, might I add). I believe this was the first time Liverpool had defeated United in the league in like seven years. With no Gerrard and Torres from the start, I thought they were doomed. I was sure of this after two minutes when Berbatov made the most of his dangerous reputation to draw defenders over and square the ball for Tevez. But a little luck, and a nice goal from Babel saw them through. I know that both United and Chelsea got off to stuttering starts last year, but the former look really vulnerable without Ronaldo. And now that Chelsea, Arsenal, and Liverpool are off and running, one gets the feeling that it will be harder to play catch-up.

2. Robinho. A lot of new players have a "welcome to the premier league" moment when they get schooled by Torres or Christiano or are blocked off the ball in a fashion that would call for a card in Italy or Spain but instead gets a shrug from the ref. Today, the Premier League got a "welcome to Robinho" moment when he struck a perfect free kick (he got some help; Nicolas "team player" Anelka ducked, of course) to put Citeh ahead. Too bad that was the only moment, though, as one saw shades of early C. Ronaldo - lots of style, little substance. There's plenty of time for that to change. (Also, didn't get that result right at all. Chelsea are truly a resilient team. If betting were legal - apologies to Bill Simmons - I'd put a fat wager on the Blues this year. But that's just me.)

3. Hull City (4th) and Fulham (6th). If Hull maintain this pace, they'll be booking a spot in the Champions League come May. Too bad the Championship is still more likely. As for Fulham, someone needs to tell them this is September, not April. They don't need to be playing like they're frantically trying to avoid relegation yet.

4. Whatever the hell is the matter with Roma. Actually, that's easy: injuries to Totti, Vucinic, Mexes, Juan and Simone Perrotta, but we can't let it go at that. Daniele de Rossi (I guess now he belongs on that list, but he didn't at the start of today's match) and Alberto Aquilani should be bossing the midfield, especially against teams like Palermo and Napoli. It's not really happening. Oh wait, did I say injuries were the reason? I meant to say "the curse of Julio Baptista." (Who, for the record, still looks just like Baby Sinclair from the TV Show "Dinosaurs." Just take my word for it.) Anyway, somehow Madrid overcame the curse last year, but it took everything they had. Roma may not be so lucky.

5. Ditto for Barcelona. Here, the answer isn't so clear cut. Thierry was looking lackluster, so he got dropped from this week's squad altogether. While I'll always love TH14, Barca does have some young talent that needs blooding in Pedrito and Sergi Busquets. But is this the right time for that? And if that means starting Messi, Iniesta, Bojan, and Yaya Toure on the bench? I know Pep said he wanted to make changes, but that seems a little extreme. One goal and one point against some very soft opposition is what they have to show for it. Oh, and Hleb is apparently injured now. Somehow that doesn't surprise me.

At any rate, I'm hoping things continue at this pace. Parity, baby! It's the best.

Spotlight on England

For a big match. And before that, an enormous one.

All eyes in the soccer world will look this weekend to that funny little island off the coast of France where people eat their fish and chips in the rain and occasionally spill tea on their knickers. So what have we got?

New Chelsea (3rd) vs. Chelsea (1st). This is a huge game, and don't let anyone fool you into thinking otherwise. Robinho makes his debut against the team that openly pursued him for four months. Chelsea won't have the luxury of calling on Essien (something they'll have to get used to). And after all that dismissive talk about how Citeh aren't really a big club, how fired up do you think the supporters at the City of Manchester Stadium will be? Don't get me wrong: beating the Blues won't make them a big club. But it just might be the first step on the road to greatness. And it will send a huge message to the league. Alternatively, a convincing Chelsea victory will have to solidify their status as early favorites for the title.













Liverpool (2nd) vs. Manchester United (9th). This is one of the five biggest rivalries in football, and one of the largest in sports. Torres and Gerrard should be fit. Berbatov has traded in his lily white for devilish red. In terms of sheer ability, we may see the two best strikers in the league facing off against each other. But as usual, that probably won't be the story. It will be all about Reina and van der Sar, Carragher and Ferdinand, Mascherano and Scholes. It will be about possession, about mistakes, and it will be ugly. There will be blood. There may not be goals. And the Kop will be very, very loud.

I'm going out on a limb and predicting wins for both home teams. Chelsea have slowed after their firecracker start and Citeh must be chomping at the bit to get out on the field and show what they can do. And in the North England showdown, I happen to think United are ripe for the plucking. It's asking a lot of a Liverpool side that look even more lackluster to start the season than usual, but when El Nino is in the equation, things don't seem so impossible. And hey, it's Anfield right? Right?

We Need to Talk...

About a lot of things. Starting today, I'm recommitting myself completely to this blog. Let's work backwards, so on today's agenda:

1. England. I know a girl (who shares the majority of her first name with that of Arsenal's Fabregas) with dual English and American citizenship. Her uncle happens to be the English teacher and translator for a certain Fabio Capello. And the next time I talk to her, I'm going to ask her to tell "Uncle Pete" that he's done a hell of a job. Whatever Capello is telling the England team seems to be getting through loud and clear.

Going to Croatia, almost every sportswriter and blogger in England was hoping for a defensive approach. Which makes sense, given England's recent history against the Croats and the hostility of the environment. Instead, Capello put out a lineup with Heskey and Rooney up front and Joe Cole and Theo on the wings. Amazing decision.

Of course, this took guts. But thus far, Capello has been rewarded for his attacking mindset, primarily by the two wingers. Walcott in particular has been absolute dynamite in his last two starts. When was the last time England scored a goal like this? The answer, I believe, may be never.

2. France. Jesus Christ. What do you think Domenech has to do to get sacked? Burn down the Louvre? Knock over the Arc de Triomphe with a bulldozer? Shoot Sarkozy in the face with a shotgun? They just lost 3-1 TO AUSTRIA. And today they had to be rescued by Thierry and le Sulk after falling behind to Serbia. Somebody please fire this man.

3. Essien. Apparently, he's done for the majority of the season. Too bad Chelsea don't have any depth in midfield. But in all seriousness, that's a big blow; if you asked me to name the player currently in England I would most want on my team, his name would be near the top, if not number one.

4. Manchester City. Apparently, life is now imitating art, as the English Premier League becomes Football Manager 2009. Part of me hates that this has happened, but the other part of me is secretly enjoying it for a few reasons. First, I like to see Chelsea uncomfortable. And they clearly are after being outbid for Robinho. Second, I like to see United uncomfortable. And when your crosstown rival pulls a stunt like this, you should be worried. Third, I wouldn't mind seeing a shake-up of the Big Four. I can hear it now: "But Jim, aren't you an Arsenal supporter? Your club will be the first to go!" Maybe so, but I happen to think that because Wenger has never relied heavily on the high-stakes pissing contest that is the transfer window, this won't make much difference. And finally, wouldn't it be kind of fun to see Cesc Fabregas lay a perfect through ball for Cristiano Ronaldo, who beats two defenders and then gives it a cheeky backheel flick for an onrushing Fernando Torres? I know, I know. But still.

5. King Kev. It seems like only yesterday Juan and I were laughing hysterically and screaming "long may he reign" every time the camera cut to a justifiably irritated Keegan on the sidelines of the Arsenal-Newcastle game. And though we were mocking him then, I have to say that I respect the man as a a manager and that things must be really bad inside the Toon boardroom for him to up and resign like that. Owner Mike Ashley seems like a cool dude in some ways (for one thing, he sits with the fans and routinely does things like this), but methinks he's made a big mistake in alienating the King.

6. The Serie A. Juan's analogy was dead right. I'm still waiting for my phone call from this chick. The only thing I took away from the opening weekend is the fact that Alberto Gilardino looks to be playing with a major chip on his shoulder. Which makes Fiorentina a very unpleasant opponent for the other Italian teams and a potential sleeper for success in the Champions League.

Seasons Greeting

I have so much to get into I mustn't delay:


The English Premier Shepherd's Pie
(In order of standings)

Chelsea - I found the perfect video to surmise Chelsea's start of the season. Watch me. Alright, so Bullet Tooth Tony is Chelsea, Cousin Avi is Manchester United, and of course the Three Stooges are Arsenal. Boris is a hard one - I think the easy selection is Liverpool but I also think Tottenham and Manchester City (in the future after the new owners, more on this later) are in the running.

Liverpool - It must be nice having Fernando Torres. It's kinda like having Albert Pujols - most of the surrounding players suck, but you know you're never out of a one run game if you give him something to hit.

Manchester City - I'm gonna throw out some names: Fabregas, Torres, Kaka, Cristiano, Buffon, Essien, Gerrard. Man City have placed bids on all of these players. I believe the word was, "audacious" bids. Apparently Abu Dhabi really, really wants to be part of the Big Four. Or at the very least, create a 35 year dynasty.

Pictured is a hotel Abu Dhabi plans to build, seriously

Arsenal - Well I was completely sure their season was over until Chelsea drew against Totts. Nasri looks like the real deal and I think Carlos Vela is gonna be last year's Walcott for me. What I mean is that I'll complain about him getting not enough playing time, and then when he does he won't really "wow," until one time on the biggest stage at the most needed time he'll come through with a play that I've never before witnessed or thought possible. Something like that.

Middlesbrough - They beat Tottenham, which was a pretty bad loss at the time. But then they deserved a draw (if not win) against Liverpool and handled Stoke who had just beaten Aston V. Obviously they'll fall off but hey, they probably won't get relegated!

Aston Villa - I'm still waiting on this team. I said they'd be good last year, I think they'll be good this year, but something isn't right? They crush ManCity, lose to Stoke and then draw Liverpool? They have Tottenham next (which makes for the 50th time I've mentioned them???) and then WestBrom, Sunderland before taking on Chelsea. I guess I'll keep waiting.

Bolton - I know ManU has only played 2 games but still, they're 3 games in and ahead of...

Manchester United - Why is it that I keep reading stories about Rooney and how he needs to change this or that about his game like he's a seasoned vet when he's not even 24 years old. I realize this is his 12th year or something but maybe he's just not that great. I can't remember the last time he's impressed me. He ruined their World Cup chances with his red card (while delirious England fans blamed it on Cristiano) and his style of play is flawed with him being 5 feet tall. I take Aguero or Tevez any day of the week and don't even flinch.


The Spaghetti A

Here are the top 7. Seven. teams after the opening weekend. In order:
Lazio
Torino
Udinese
Bologna
Chievo Verona
Catania Calcio

Pop Quiz - is this the Seria A or Serie B? ... yeah.

So this really hot girl you've seen around in class for awhile agrees to go on a date with you. You're really pumped because it has a lot of potential but then you get stood up. However, before you go to sleep she calls you and tells you a funny story about how her car broke down. You both laugh and she apologizes. She doesn't know her plans for next week but would love to give it another go. That's what the start of the Serie A felt like.


La Paella

Here's a few headlines from after the first week of play:

Real Madrid loses first game, still wins league

Messi shines, Barca misses Ninho and back of net

David Villa puts down payment on house in England

Almeria assures fans standings not a typo