Legendary

Chelsea - Juventus Game Analysis

Nil Nil to the Arsenal

"One-nil to the Arsenal" was a refrain that once rang so sweetly throughout Highbury. And whether serious (late 80's, early 90's), or joyously sarcastic (Wenger Era, pre-2008), it was always a delight to be heard. Of course, the songs going around the Emirates these days (e.g. "Booo!" "Get Eboue off the field!" and "Denilson, you f***ing c***, if you give the ball away one more time I swear" among some of the choice favorites) aren't so delightful. In fact, one might even say that the mood is downright surly in North London.

Arsenal supporters all wanted clean sheets. We were tired of conceding goals at the least opportune moment (I mean, there's never a "good" time to concede, but somehow we were doing it at the worst possible times: not early in the game, waiting until the last minute to lose or draw and dropping points, etc.) And we were sick of set pieces inevitably ending up with the ball in Almunia's net as he shook his peroxide mane in frustration. Thankfully, this problem has been solved (kind of). Gallas is quietly regaining his form, and is no longer positioning himself in the best possible place to get skinned by an attacker. Toure looks like he's finally shaken off the blues from the African Cup/malaria of last year and no longer permanently wears that expression of panic on his face. Djourou is coming along. And the wingbacks are still excellent. Alright, Arsene, maybe you were right and ze qualitee was there all along. But now...

Why can't Arsenal score? I suppose this is kind of an easy answer, and now I feel like a chump for writing this all out (I must say, it is somewhat cathartic, though), but I think there's really just three basic things that need to be addressed:

1) Nobody shoots. Juan hates this. So do I. Speaks for itself. But it doesn't matter, because even when we do shoot...

2) Nobody can finish (screamed while staring with a burning expression of loathing directly at Nicklas Bendtner). Again, this really just speaks for itself. Only RVP is moderately capable of doing this, and even he contrives to miss just for the hell of it now and then. Eduardo's one game reappearance showed that we really shouldn't be putting up with this. He was crocked for an entire year, and then within 20 minutes he's on the scoresheet. Guys, it really can't be that difficult. To reiterate the oldest of football cliches: WE MUST TAKE OUR CHANCES. God knows they're not coming as frequently these days, anyway. And that's because...

3) The service from central midfield sucks. Alas, here we come across a problem that can't really be solved. The other two can at least be improved through practice and a shift in strategy. But the fact remains that Denilson, Diaby, and Song are splitting most of the time here. Yes, they're young. Yes, they (and by they, I actually just mean Diaby) have occasional moments of brilliance. But for the most part, they are fundamentally unable to pick out that killer through-ball or long distance pass. Sometimes I feel like I'm watching three Claude Makalele's run around the field. Keeping possession? Check. Short (usually accurate) passes to teammates? Check. Actually advancing the ball or posing any sort of threat? NOPE. (Again, this is a generalization because Diaby prefers to actually just hold the ball for two seconds too long before surrendering it.) Anyway, Cesc can do this in his sleep. Even Flamini was pretty decent. And what I wouldn't give for Lampard, Alonso, or even (gasp) Michael Carrick at this point. Kill me now.

4) Eboue. Wait, I didn't say there were four things? Whatever. This is the fourth. And it's intolerable.

Well, that wasn't really all that insightful, but at least it was therapeutic. And now I can move on and talk about Liverpool (the new Arsenal), United (the Devil), and the amazing Barca-Atletico game. Tomorrow, maybe.

So Hot Right Now Close Up

Game Notes

I have some catching up to do.

Chelsea 1, Aston Villa 0
This is the beginning of Villa's brutal schedule. To their credit they do have quite the Nelly feat. Kelly Rowland. They need to balance the Uefa Cup this year and try to maintain a top 4 table position for the Champions League next year. If you're thinking they can do both then you're kidding yourself so throw that out the window. And while it may seem like a no-brainer to go for the Champions League qualifying spot, ask Arsenal and Chelsea what its like to go for the glory and get nothing in return. Moreover, it feels odd for a team such as Aston Villa to blow off the Uefa Cup when they've showed such patience to get here in the first place. The unfortunate fact for them is that it appears they're trying to do both and again, only those bastards at Manchester United have that kind of depth.

Aside - I just read a poorly written story on soccernet (shocking, I know) about Rooney calling for the quadruple. It made me nauseated for two reasons. The first is that I throw around "quadruple" when I'm drunk at parties and trying to instigate belligerance. The second is that United are one game (Carling), one formality (the League now that Liverpool lost again), one repeat (The Chammmmmpions) and a lucky draw (the FA cup) from actually succeeding. That sentence was very wordy but I'm trying to say that they're very, very close to making this happen. I'm talking about the quadruple here folks and I'm not drunk nor trying to instigate a fight. Sick to my stomach indeed.

Anyway, I turned on this game (Aston Villa-Chelsea if I've lost you with my ramblings) in the 60th minute and hear from the announcers that a, "superb finish" from Anelka has Chelsea on top. Ugh. I go to 101greatgoals.com just to see it and I guess it was alright. This is of course after Jim just credited Anelka and I conceded mentally to his current EPL prowess. Double sigh. 1-nil against Aston, great! Yikes, did I really think that? I did. I even talked about how bad it feels to root against Villa later that day with Jim. Whatever, when they had chances I still instinctually wanted them to level.

Chelsea holds on and I promise that an Arsenal win will justify my elitism. Segway.


Arsenal 0, Sunderland 0
The debut of my obsession, my hope, my light, Andrei Arshavin. 10 minutes in Arshavin cuts in from the corner of the box and rips a venemous shot. It was saved without too much glamour but I get goosebumps when I see the replay and imagine what could have been. Wait a second? Did Arshavin just shoot the ball? I'm sure that will be corrected by Wenger soon enough. No shooting allowed on this squad, more on this later. I continue to gush over every pass and to my credit, he does pass a really nice ball. Always well weighted. Wenger takes him out at the 61st minute - I knew Arsene wouldn't give me 90 but I'm just being emotional now - and I finally blink. On my way back down to earth I realize that hey, it's nil-nil and we kinda, wait, really need these three points. No need to fear, Nicklas Bendtner is in. That is to say, clearly this game ends 0-0. I sign on to TLOCA and see that we have a comment! I poop my pants a little when I see that someone has commented on the blog. It's Jake, he's rubbing in Arsenal's "typical" performance. The timestamp is 30 seconds after Arsenal finished nil-nil... bastard.


Manchester United 2, Blackburn 1
For not so subtle reasons whenever Arsenal fails to produce I find myself watching United. I make lunch when Rooney gets his gift, of course, United gets all the breaks. But wait, Roque Santa Cruz breaks through and ends United's stupid clean sheet streak. Finally! I was getting really tired of reading about it. Plus VanDerSar annoys me.

Cristiano stands over a free kick and I think to myself, hmm, its been awhile since he's scored a spot kick. He does just that and I text Jim angrily. It's just the goal they need and right at the time when you need it - before the 65th minute in the 2nd half of a tie game. I fully expect this game to finish 4-1 now but no, just 2-1.

Juventus 2, Palermo 0
If you're keeping count at home this has been an ideal Saturday. Arsenal at 10, United at 12:30, Juve at 2:30 with a Chelsea-Villa appetizer.

Momo Sissoko smashes home an outrageous give-and-go and this gets my blood moving. Italian soccer is easier to watch. It just is. Think Lost vs. Arrested Development. Both enjoyable shows but one a comedy and the other a drama. I can't believe I failed to mention this is Trezeguet's first start since his knee injury. An ideal Saturday indeed because Treze scores from an Amauri cross, seals the deal and I catch him joyously screaming at some fans. I like David.

Maryland 82, North Carolina 80
Bitch holler. Bring back miss Shiavo for one more go. 4-8 against RPI-top50. 2 wins against top 5 opponents. If they beat NC State and Virginia and don't get blown out at Wake, one win in the conference tourney and I have them in. And a streaky 10 seed they will be.

Liverpool 1, Manchester Citeh 1
Citeh is a dangerous team in a schizophrenic sort of way. I went to a conference on societal stigma towards mental health issues the other week and I'm sorry that I just associated schizophrenia to danger but come on.

I check the headline on soccernet for some sensationalized analysis and they don't let me down, "Liverpool title hopes crushed." Have I mentioned that I hate soccernet? Anyways, yeah, Liverpool probably can't afford to leave points on the pitch anymore. Is anyone really surprised? I know Ben isn't here to defend Liverpool but seriously, nobody actually thought they would hold off United did they? The Premiership was decided once United beat Chelsea 3-zip in January. Over, done, lets not talk about it anymore.

The Champions League is next. I go pee a little bit whenever I think about Tuesday/Wedensday. Just a little bit. Like a drop of pee squeezes out. Yay!

Credit Where It's Due

There are only two people that are currently saving Chelsea from complete embarrassment. One is Frank James Lampard, who fluctuates frequently between extremely underrated and only barely overrated. At the moment, I think he's a little below properly-rated. But that's another story. The other person keeping Chelsea from becoming a laughingstock is this man:























I was one of many who called for Anelka's head after Chelsea's Champions League dreams crumbled to dust last year. Mind you, this was not out of any particular affection for the team. Often, I can't decide whether I dislike Chelsea or United more (the former I find somewhat loathsome, while the latter hatred, to be perfectly candid, is probably born mostly out of jealousy and grudging respect). So that wasn't it at all. It simply offended my sensibilities to see someone play the game with absolutely no passion whatsoever. Also, Le Sulk was completely worthless for the first few months with the club. So I saw no reason why Chelsea shouldn't sell him (along with the petulant Drogba) and move on. Now, I see why.

He's been banging in the goals. And these are no longer, as Juan once so aptly put it, "garbage time smash" goals. He's actually finishing when it's needed. For instance, I watched with glee as Watford took a 1-0 lead over Chelsea. But then a corner and an overhead finish (!) from Anelka. And two minutes later, a precise header. And in injury time, a nice turn and shoot to put the result beyond doubt. Clinical. Damn. I hope Adebayor is taking notes from his hospital bed.

PS: Two other thoughts. One, Drogba may well have a revival of his own as the season winds down. But no matter what happens, no matter how good he looks, Chelsea need to sell him. And they should sell him high, too. This should have been done last year. Second, when Ballack missed a sure goal, Roman Abramovich was laughing uproariously. (I'm praying that it's on youtube soon.) I think it's a bad sign when the owner of the club is actually laughing at how crap you've been.

France Lose Again

Maradona showed no concern for Domenech's job security as his stacked line-up beat France 2-nil in Marseille. Messi, Aguero, Heinze, Zanetti, Gago, Mascherano and Maxi all played 80+ minutes in what would be a typical match for both sides. That is to say, Argentina set the pace, enjoyed a majority of scoring chances and even had their usual lapse in defensive assignment which in this case didn't turn out to haunt them. An asking through-ball left Le Sulk all alone to ponder his subconcious hatred for the French fans and his devastating miss would have pulled the game level.

Messi cheated as usual having tied the ball to his feet and although disjointed at times, the Argentinian offense saw its usual quota of chances. Guti's goal (beating Mandanda inexcusably near post) may appear unjust out of context, but minutes earlier Lionel was set-free and missed an easy slot home. As I like to do* - assuming everyone scores when they should, France still loses handedly.

Henry showed some real signs of life in the first half - I suspect he hates South America - but the French attack is still terribly uninspiring. With Ribery, Henry, Benzema and Nasri at their disposal it really is disappointing this talent is in squalor under Domenech. I've also completely ignored the Francais strong suit which is their back four. Under Domenech they are nothing more than ageing talent.

Maybe it's because I've read too much about Cuba recently but Domenech really reminds me of Fidel Castro. Will the man ever die? The answer is no.

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*I play those mind games because that way Uruguay always wins! Seriously. We always have more scoring chances. Speaking of winning...