Barça Bleeds

"Today's agenda:
We have your new boots up in the Sentra. Go to the Emirates, tell them Arsene sent-ya. You should feel strange if no goals are exchanged - just remain as calm as possible and if not, take more shots, we know how you do. Please make your win clean, no conceded goals in between, beat them and flee the scene. Or else, your legacy is on the shelf, we mean this Andrei. I got the trophies to blow the wall out, clear the mall out. Don't worry about the fallout, word to Cesc, I bet Barça are p*$#sy. The thought of this win pushes me. Cesc pay attention, these owners are just henchmen, if you get sold they'll get paid, and extra probably. Promise me you won't leave us." "I promise," but of course Cesc had his fingers crossed.

Barça bleeds just like us. Picture Arsene being scared of a team that breathes the same air as his. Barça bleeds just like us. Arsene would rather go toe to toe with all of y'all, running is not his protocol.

Arsene and Cesc agreed to come out shootin is silly because Barça have Messi - so Arshavin plans to freak 'em while trying to ignore Titi Henry, who, well, that's a long story. "Cesc get the gasoline because, this spot, Arsenal is about to blow this. Right here at the Emirates is the perfect place, if Barca's offside trap is late, they will meet their fate."
"Theo, pass the gasoline." And he passed Arsene Kerosene. "Whatever, it's flammable, my hunger is unexplainable."
Arsene struck the match and just what he expected, Dani Alves ejected in seconds and here comes two opposite sexes - one Puyol, one Marquez. As soon as the whistle blew Arsenal started blastin. Guardiola's jaw hit the flour, Andrei was laughin. Chance after chance, Song knows our first goal won't be long. The crowd got real loud but still seemed like they would allow it. In the 90th minute this draw was surely over as the cross came from far but can you believe it, Arshavin shanked it over the bar.

Stupid Gooners.

Juventus and the Identity Crisis Facing the Serie A

To say that the Serie A is still not feeling the effects of Calciopolli is like saying that steroids didn't help Mark McGwire hit home runs. But this is no time to point out that Inter's president also owned the Telecom company that wire-tapped the complicity between Juventus and referees. OK, that was a cheap shot, and in no way does TLOCA condone match-fixing, but let's focus on the roster changes at Juventus since May 2006, when the Serie A exploded.

Check out their roster before the scandal. Here are the top players based on Games Started in 2005/2006 -
Fabio Cannavaro
Gianluca Zambrotta
Emerson
Patrick Viera
Zlatan Ibrahimovic
Pavel Nedved
David Trezeguet
Mauro Camoranesi
Lilian Thuram
Gigi Buffon
Adrian Mutu
Alessandro Del Piero

Wow. That is scary good. Six of their starters are Top-100 players ever. Hindsight is typically flawless but its safe to assume based on how these players performed in the World Cup the next year that this squad is stacked.

Meanwhile, the scandal hits, and somewhere in Durham, NC, Duke lacrosse players throw a party they wish they hadn't. This is now after the Serie B (they had orginially been relegated to Serie C(!) but appealed and won). By Games Started in 2007-

Remained: Trezegol, Del Fire, Gigi The Greatest Ever Buffon, Pavel Blonde Locks Of Love Nedved and Camoranesi

Goodbye:
Cannavaro
Zambrotta
Emerson
Viera
Ibrahimovic
Thuram
Mutu

New as regular starters:
Legrottaglie
Chiellini
Molinaro
Zanetti
Nocerino
Grygera
Salihamidzic
Zebina
Sissoko
Tiago
Iaquinta (9 games started but he did have 8 goals that year)

Ummm yeah - that's quite a downgrade. Especially Molinaro, my nemesis. And clearly Mutu's departure from Juventus upset him so much he turned to cocaine as a manner of coping.

Games Started, in 2008/2009:
Grygera
Nedved (37 years old at the time)
Alessandro Del Fiero (35 at the time but still good)
Molinaro
Chiellini
Legrottaglie
Amauri
Sissoko
Mellberg
Iaquinta
Trezeguet (5 games started he was hurt and so was I) and of course
Buffon

If you don't follow Juventus regularly you surely don't recognize most of those names. This is an odd occurrence for Juventus. How odd? This club has 27 Scudettos, 2 Champions League titles, and dressed the likes of Michel Platini, Roberto Baggio, and Zissou Zidane to name a few.

Let's paint this a different way. Imagine if Everton had exposed Manchester United for an atrocious and condemning match fixing scandal that saw the Red Devils relegated. A young Cristiano Ronaldo leaves as a result, and so does Rio Ferdinand, Patrice Evra, Vidic, Carrick and Fletcher. And then, just to be funny (or something), Rio Ferdinand signs 4 years later and is mostly washed-up. Hey, kind of like right now for Rio (ZING!). It's safe to say this squad is going to suffer.

Now add a global recession, a domestic recession for Italian owners, and unfavorable taxes for the ultra-rich relative to Spain and less so England. All that coupled with a Serie A without its Manchester United leaves you a league at sixes and sevens. And more importantly, a league about to lose its 4th Champions League spot. So it's all fun and games when Clint Dempsey puts a cross into the top corner by accident to send home a sorry Juventus from the equally sorry Europa league competition until someone gets hurt. And the Serie A is hurting.

Define Classy

Whenever I want to feel dumb I seek out the cartoons of the New Yorker. I fully understand a cartoon at an average that would embarrass even Alphonso Soriano. The mind games are rampant as well. "Oh that's funny, I get that one... ...wait, do I get it? That seemed too easy... I probably don't get it - let me read this a few more times to see if there is something more clever."

Whenever I want to feel smart, I check out the recaps at Soccernet of games I watched . They did not let me down:
The headline would be brilliant in it's sarcasm if only the story beneath it was in any way concordant. But this is football in England and complaints of physical play is the worst kind of faux pas.

I am of course referring to two of the most obvious fouls witnessed in recent memory. This was more egregious than when Fletcher slid into Arshavin and cradled the ball in his arms in the box and far more obvious than the Henry double tap-that. The first foul was Thiago Motta on Ivanovic and the second was Walter Samuel on Didier Drogba. Both were in the box.

If a director were to recreate the scene, the conversation would go something like this:
OK. Ivanovic stole the purse of an old lady, you, Thiago, can only use his arm to get him to the ground. Go! [Thiago proceeds with both of his hands to grab Ivanovic's arm and after some pulling and yanking, eventually gets Ivanovic to the turf] [End scene].
The second foul, with Samuel neutralizing Drogs, looked something like this.
It is quite obvious that Inter sought to ruffle a few feathers on the Chelsea side and the result was a first half that looked like Terry Tate vs. Chelsea Office Workers - with Mourinho playing the role of Ron Felcher.

There is no doubt that if this were Arsenal and fouls like that went uncalled I would be beside myself. And the replay of the Samuel's form tackle on Drogba even had the commentators blushing. But there is also no doubt that Arsene would mention both incidents in a condescending way in the post-game conference, so while I'm not blaming Carlo Ancelotti for his lack of complaints, no comment is the same as no concern.

The only one who seems to be outraged is Drogba. This is the same person who was punished for calling the officials a disgrace when very few had done so last year and it's the same striker who again let his emotions get the better of him. He decided he had been run into enough, elbowed enough, clawed enough and kicked too many times and with no referee protection, can you really blame him for standing up for himself? I don't. At least not this time.

And so the Chelsea Champions League Curse continues.

Samir of Nasri

It's a good thing that Raymond Domenech is the worst judge of talent since Al Davis because otherwise I'd be very worried in 93 days when Uruguay plays France. I would be worried because Samir Of Nasri absolutely embarrassed two Uruguayans to put Arsenal up 3-nil yesterday in what was a sensational and mesmerizing display of hips. Luckily, Domenech barely plays the French phenom.

If you didn't know, and shame on you, Porto is the unofficial Uruguayan National Club team with 3, count it, 3 Uruguayans, all of them starters. They are: Jorge Fucile, Alvaro Perreira and Cristian Rodriguez. Fucile is the one that people say looks like me, and I don't mind that because he's a very handsome dude. Cristian Rodriguez is the Onion (la cebolla) and Pereira apparently goes by Alvaro on his jersey for reasons I can't explain. Two of them are pictured on the future Nasri poster titled, "Samir of Nasri rudely shows Uruguay how to finish a scoring chance."

While we're here, the other relevant Uruguayans (and soon to become more relevant once we make the semi's in the World Cup) are:
Diego Forlan - Atletico Madrid
Luis Suarez - Ajax and apparently not for long as Chelsea (booo!) are taking a look at him
Martin Caceres - Juventus
Carlos Bueno - Penarol on loan to Real Sociedad - the founder and creative force behind this very website. You really need to click on that video if you didn't - it's quite possibly the worst quality of video ever but the highlights are accompanied by the fantastic song that is always at the ready whenever Uruguay scores. The radio blasts it mid-game, the local broadcast has been known to blast it mid-game and it's the song played at the bars whenever the highlights come on the TV later that night and prompts everyone to riot.

Anyway, the Arsenal look great and here's to hoping that Lyon, AC Milan and Inter Milan all win!

Stoke Fans and the Culture of English Football

I was scouring the internet today to try and find the Shawcross tackle on Francis Jeffers when Mr. Jeffers also had his leg broken by the "fantastic talent" that is Ryan Shawcross and I stumbled upon a very popular* message board for Stoke City fans. This is the type of forum where English soccer fans such as "Shrimp" post pictures that have been photo-shopped to reveal how Ramsey had broken his leg before the Shawcross challenge. Delightful. Anyway, enjoy a brief glimpse into the brilliant minds of England's finest Stoke City fans.

Mozzer68 says:
Don't change Ryan, You are a Stoke legend.

A seasoned veteran of 2.5 years in a Stoke Jersey and 94 appearances is all you need to be a legend in the Stoke ranks. Oh, oh, I almost forgot, you also have to have broken two legs.

Suck_the_mop_in_the_prem says:
go for it mate stokies all over are proud of you. p s sue the arse off wenger for his comments

Whenever Arsenal players injure someone I brim with pride. It overflows. As for the post script I'm afraid I must defer to our blog's esquire as to the legal precedent of said case.

Dano75 says:
Head up son, you have been selected for the national team on merit

The merit of Ashley Cole's broken ankle and the steadfast erection of John Terry.

Stokie23 says:
Complete accident...no blame towards Ryan...your the future England Captain !!!

Prophetic, poignant and two thumbs up for the grammar!!!

Wycombestokie says:
It should be the proudest day of his life. Ryan Shawcross is the legend he truly is, in my household. I didnt care about the result in the end, just felt for him, like every other stokie.

Hmmm. I'm a bit confused with the circuitous logic (is the legend he truly is) and the use of that comma. But I won't nitpick, he's right that it should be the proudest day of Ryan's life... wait what?

Northwichstokie, bring us home:
You have all our support, what happened was an accident it happens in contact sport;
In 7 years of running junior football teams I've had 3 broken legs a broken collar bone, a compound 90' broken wrist and a ruptured knee (still out after 2 years) , none have been malicous, all just accidents, it happens in a quick contact sport.

Um. Sweet jesus. Apparently we need to send out some more well-wishes to the junior players of Northwichstokie who has his kids auditioning for a future in the paraplegic world cup.

Northwichstokie brings me perfectly into a note about the culture of English football. Cesc Fabregas mentioned something during his postgame conference that got my attention, "I know it's England and it's a great game in this country."

Is it? Is it a great game in England? Well Cesc is right about something;

• It is currently the most watched premier league in the world (2nd - La Liga, 3rd - Serie A)
  
• It is currently the most lucrative football league in the world (see above**)
  

But is England the reason why it's a great game? I'm not so sure. Let's take a look at the Champions League, who's final last year surpassed the Superbowl in viewers to become the world's most watched single sporting event.

Since 1992, when the EPL formed, 317 different players have won the Champions League trophy. Of the winners, 18 of those players were of English nationality. Eighteen. That's 6%.

But Juan, you're not counting repeat winners. You're right voice in my head.

Since 1992, the Champions League Trophy has been kissed 398 times. 23 of those kisses came from an English International.
What about other nationalities? Here they are in alphabetical order:
Argentina - 11
Brazil - 30
England - 23
France - 30
Germany - 30
Italy - 68
Netherlands - 23
Portugal - 20
Spain - 93 (wow)
Uruguay - 1 (holler!)

If you equate "great" with "success" then you're definitely not talking about English players. They make up only 6% of successful Champions League winners. 2nd and 3rd place markets, Spain and Italy, pull up the slack (23% and 17% respectively). Those countries are the breeding ground for great football, not England.

You don't like the comparison at the club level? How about the World Cup? There have been 18 World Cups, England has won once. That is - drumroll please... 6% of the World Cup titles!

What do Dan Smith, Martin Taylor and Ryan Shawcross (and Kevin Nolan, Christ!) all have in common? They're all English. So when Fabregas says, "I know it's England," what he's saying is that he knows it's a physical game. Last year English players made up 34% of the league. That's (obviously) way way higher than La Liga and the Serie A. So, like Arsene Wenger, I too don't believe in coincidences. And while people coughxenophobescough complain that there aren't enough English players in the EPL, there may already be too many! If the difference between La Liga and the EPL at the player level is the amount of Englishmen and the result is leg-shattering tackles, then 34% is far too many. I watched Juventus a few months after I started watching Arsenal years ago, and yes, I've seen bad tackles. But again, I too don't believe in coincidences.

Furthermore, it's a regretful, agonizing shame that England is where all the money is. The TV deals that make England the place where the world's talent goes to risk their limbs against sorry English inbreeds is a tragedy. It's like putting the Chicago Symphony Orchestra to play in the streets of East St. Louis. And I can't help but think that when Arsene Wenger says, "that is not football for me. It is not what I like in the game. If you have to live with that, I refuse to do that," he's feeling the same way.



_____
*According to google as a search for "Stoke City message board" has the aforementioned site listed first.
** The bundesliga may be 3rd place, it doesnt change my point so I'm too lazy to look it up

Dedicated to Aaron Ramsey

Take away the emotion for a moment and examine the facts. A red-card tackle by Ryan Shawcross has broken the leg of Aaron Ramsey. The precedents show that Shawcross will be banned for at most 3 games. Aaron Ramsey will miss at least 40.

The (very likely) 3-match-ban does not do justice to his actions on the field. To debate the intent of the foul is useless for two reasons. The first is that it is impossible to definitively do so during a match and the second is that the intent ultimately does not matter. It doesn't matter because the result is unchanged. Aaron's leg is still broken whether Shawcross meant to injure him or not.

You will hear that Shawcross cried as he left the pitch. You will hear that Shawcross never had malice in his heart. You will hear that Shawcross is deeply sorry. Remember, none of that changes the fact that he broke his peer's leg while playing football. Moreover, as pundits and fans absolve Shawcross for his remorse, it his reaction that is most telling.

Pretend for a moment that you are walking down the sidewalk. Someone is walking in front of you and a moment after you pass them you hear a yelp and crash. You turn around to see that they have fallen and appear to be hurt. What is your reaction? Hold that thought. Now you're walking down the sidewalk again. You're late for work and the person in front of you is walking too slowly and in the middle of the sidewalk. As you hurry by you give the fellow a little shove to get by and woops, the guy falls down. What's your reaction? Oh my, it appears the guy is having a heart attack now as a result of the shove... now what's your reaction? For the first scenario, you've played no part, and your reaction is oh my gosh, confusion, and bewilderment. For the second scenario you instantly feel remorse, you apologize emphatically because, after all, you didn't intend for him to fall down. And for the third scenario you probably freak out, you apologize profusely, you might even start to cry once you realize there is no going back.

I'm being inane but the point stands. If you're truly surprised your tackle has injured someone you look confused, you look around, you might even assume they're faking it. This happens all the time. In the NFL some linebacker makes a tackle, he gets up, maybe even celebrates, and then - oh my gosh, that guy is hurt, it looks like he tore his ACL or something, I'm gonna go tell him I hope you're OK and he'll nod at me and wave me off. It's the same in soccer. In the Serie A some defender slides in, it's a fair challenge but the forward grabs his ankle. The defender walks away, expects the forward to get up, and if he doesn't he looks a little confused. He may not even show remorse. More often than not you see the defender try and shake the forward's hand. Hey, it's part of the game. Look at the foul on Van Persie. It was Georgio Chiellini and it happened exactly like I've described. I can't overstate how often this happens in sports. It's a true unintentional injury. And it's the reason why you haven't heard a peep about Chiellini.

Now look at the Shawcross foul. He lunges. He dives in. He commits full-hearted to a tackle that, even if he had won, results in a throw-in for Arsenal. This wasn't in front of goal, this wasn't a scoring opportunity, this was in the middle of the field and Shawcross had a heavy touch. The ball was getting away from him. So he lunges. He puts all of his 200 pounds into a swing that cuts through Aaron Ramsey's leg. It makes me sick. I hate even thinking about it. And then Shawcross pops up and his reaction is instant. He immediately is stunned and starts tearing up. It's the reaction that says, oh my god, I can't believe I just did that. Nobody intends to break someone's leg. Nobody tries to injure someone like that. But Shawcross committed himself with devastating force. He knows it. He knows it was excessive. If it wasn't excessive, if he truly didn't put something extra in the tackle, why would he react like that? Why would he freak out if this was like any other play in soccer? He lost control, he let himself lose control, and instantly realized his actions.

It's also why his - I'm so sorry's - are going to be emphatic. He might cry on camera again. He feels bad, and the more it lingers on him and the more he is sorry, the more he will incriminate himself. If it's an honest play then you say, woops, sorry, it's part of the game, I never wish that on anyone. That will not be his apology. I'm sure of it. If his apology is matter of fact, or in any way is indicative of a "these things happen" kind of foul, then I will take this post down. I'll delete it permanently and post a picture of penis after I've taken a cold shower. I'll label it with my full name and social security number. That's how sure I am.

But more seriously I will admit I'm wrong. If Ryan Shawcross can look into a camera, shrug, and say, it's a terrible thing that happened, it's part of the game, I do that tackle 99 out of 100 times - then I'm wrong.

There is a reason why it looks strange. There is a reason why you almost never see a tackle like that. It happens so fast. It kind of comes from the side. It's an odd play. After a heavy touch like that a player just runs by (and jerks his head up in the air as if to say, shit) or he slides. That doesn't happen. Shawcross tries to kick through the ball like he's clearing a medicine ball off the goal-line. Huh? Why would he do that? How can you watch that inexplicable decision and say there was no thought involved? He didn't mean to kick Ramsey? What did he expect? Shawcross lunges and kicks through the player and the ball and expected... ... what... exactly to happen?

It's easy to blame Arsenal. "It's the Arsenal style, you beat Arsenal by getting physical." I even read somewhere that Ramsey showed inexperience by dragging the ball with his foot instead of clearing it. What!? This is Ramsey's fault? Has the world gone mad? I won't address those comments. I don't have time to waste - not even on a blog that nobody reads. This is Ryan Shawcross' fault, and the price he'll pay is a 3-match-ban.

That's despicable and it's a travesty to sports. But there is no use begging for more games. Suspension with wages is silly. He doesn't deserve a permanent ban from soccer, he deserves what in my opinion would be worse, a label. A foul like that should not be forgotten. Aaron Ramsey will never forget when his leg was shattered and Shawcross should never be allowed to forget either. It's the only power we have as fans. Fans shape the legacy of players and we label athletes all the time. Ryan Shawcross' label should always include a red-card, leg-breaking foul. It's the reason I wrote this post, so that I don't forget.

So don't forget what Ryan Shawcross did - whether he's in the Championship wasting away at Watford like Martin Taylor or he's starting at left back for the English National team. Intent or not, accident or not, there must be a consequence for putting another man's career in the balance, and the least we can do as fans is always associate him for what he did to Aaron Ramsey.

Dang Chelsea

These guys are just relentless with the skirt-chasing.

Also, Ashley Cole's wife kinda looks like a younger, English Eva Longoria. I know it's all about the thrill and danger of conquest and the whole "I am awesome and this woman throwing herself at me is tangible proof" mindset that really makes this happen (see Woods, Tiger and every famous and/or powerful man throughout the history of mankind). But if you just google "Cheryl Cole" or "Cheryl Tweedy," it's hard not to ask yourself what the hell Cashley was thinking.